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MrAero · Mar 25, 2009

Hey guys, I'm relatively new to bdsm, but what little I've done I've loved. I've always been in the dominate position as my x liked to be spanked and be made submissive, however with no experience I was not able to be completely Dominant and the relationship suffered as a result. Since then however I have been able to mature and learn a lot and am giving the Dominant role another go. From veteran Doms, I would love any advice you have to share, and any subs, please give me your opinions on what works, what doesn't, and anything else.

My current situation is that my sub is about 6 hours from me, so I'm coming up with homework assignments for her; if you have any suggestions about this, let me know as well.

Thank you all, I really look forward to being here.

MrAero

Prissy · Mar 25, 2009

Well, I know, even though Master hsn't done it a lot with me, is that aftercare is very important

MrAero · Mar 25, 2009

aftercare such as how?

Obedient Little Puppy · Mar 25, 2009

Making a slave feel valued once the session is over. Make sure they know how proud you are of what they have endured for you.

MrAero · Mar 25, 2009

I see. Definitely. In the past I think that's where I went wrong. lol I would use a little too much haha After spanking her I didn't have the self control to not give her pleasure. Because of that I sent mixed signals and that's what messed things up. thanks!

Obedient Little Puppy · Mar 25, 2009

You're welcome

And also, I find it important to set out clear limits for both parties beforehand. Don't do anything the other person is not genuinely happy about doing, sort of thing.

MrAero · Mar 25, 2009

Yes, I've heard of actually writing a sort of a contract. Have you done/heard of this before?

also I am looking for ways of domination that aren't necessarily sexual. any ideas?

PuppyPuppyPuppy · Mar 25, 2009

have you ever submitted to anyone before? It really makes all the difference when you are dominating someone. That way you know what they are feeling and you know a little bit more about how to make them feel the way you want. It helps unite the Master and slave in a way.

On a personal note: I would never have done well as a Mistress if it weren't for my Master, I was too shy and I didn't know what to do. I still might not be the best (okay, I know I have a lot to learn, I'm just getting started myself), but I am much better at dominating because I have been dominated.

Also, aftercare is hugely important.

Phantasm said:
If you break it, you must fix it.

MrAero · Mar 25, 2009

No I haven't. I started wanting to be dominant in my past relationship because I knew that she was in charge. She too felt this way and wanted me to be in control. Because of that I tried, at first for her, and then finally for myself. I'm a very easygoing person, so just letting her be in charge was easy for me. But I'm glad I decided to take charge, it was good for both of us. thank you p3

Obedient Little Puppy · Mar 25, 2009

Mr Aero, I haven't done anything with contracts, but due to huge changes in my life at the time, my master and I had our relationship planned out for a good 6 months before it actually began. So we used that time wisely, getting to know each other better, establishing our sexual interests and discussing limits, things each of us were and were not prepared to do. We're lucky in that not only do we have the same sexual likes, but also the same sexual dislikes. So at least we haven't run into any problems

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