Hi, firstly thank you for all of the really useful info on this site, I've been lurking around for quite a while but have only just plucked up the courage to post! So basically I've been with my husband (and only sexual partner)for 16 yrs and married for 8yrs. We have young children and our relationship has been vanilla throughout. However I have recently realised that every fantasy I have ever had has been about being in a situation where someone else has been controlling me! When I think back now I can remember being about 12 and using clothes pegs/pins on myself amongst other things! I have only really now for some reason felt like I have finally realised that I feel a need for these kind of things. So I shared it with my husband in the hope he wouldn't freak out! And he was really understanding about it and said that being dominating in bed turns him on. (we have dabbled in a bit of tying up etc before). However I'm struggling on where to go next! We've tried some spanking since discussing it which we both enjoyed and I've read loads on here and am reading sm101 at the moment and am about to order The Story of O. However my husband is not a keen reader at all and tho he's started reading sm101 he's not very enthusiastic about reading it! Neither of us really have a clue on what we're doing, and I don't think he has much understanding of what its all about! I can't ever see him going anywhere near the local sm community and I'm quite shy so its not something I'd really enter either. I've not been able to find any info on starting BDSM in a relationship where both partners have been vanilla and neither of them know what they're doing!! At the moment he's seeing it as he gets to demand sex whenever he wants it and gets to throw me around a bit during it! Which I quite like rough sex sometimes but I just want more but don't feel like I should be the one who tells him how to do it. Maybe I'm wrong in that I don't know? I mean I've told him that id like to be submissive and him dominant and I've asked him to read the FAQs for newbies on here so he can get a feel for it but at the moment he's just reluctant to learn more about it despite saying he really wants to give it all a try. So I'll stop waffling now! Any advice greatly appreciated.