Sort of new

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by MrAero, Mar 25, 2009.

  1. MrAero

    MrAero Member

    Hey guys, I'm relatively new to bdsm, but what little I've done I've loved. I've always been in the dominate position as my x liked to be spanked and be made submissive, however with no experience I was not able to be completely Dominant and the relationship suffered as a result. Since then however I have been able to mature and learn a lot and am giving the Dominant role another go. From veteran Doms, I would love any advice you have to share, and any subs, please give me your opinions on what works, what doesn't, and anything else.

    My current situation is that my sub is about 6 hours from me, so I'm coming up with homework assignments for her; if you have any suggestions about this, let me know as well.

    Thank you all, I really look forward to being here.

  2. Prissy

    Prissy Member

    Well, I know, even though Master hsn't done it a lot with me, is that aftercare is very important
  3. MrAero

    MrAero Member

    aftercare such as how?

  4. Making a slave feel valued once the session is over. Make sure they know how proud you are of what they have endured for you.
  5. MrAero

    MrAero Member

    I see. Definitely. In the past I think that's where I went wrong. lol I would use a little too much haha After spanking her I didn't have the self control to not give her pleasure. Because of that I sent mixed signals and that's what messed things up. thanks!

  6. You're welcome :)

    And also, I find it important to set out clear limits for both parties beforehand. Don't do anything the other person is not genuinely happy about doing, sort of thing.
  7. MrAero

    MrAero Member

    Yes, I've heard of actually writing a sort of a contract. Have you done/heard of this before?

    also I am looking for ways of domination that aren't necessarily sexual. any ideas?

  8. have you ever submitted to anyone before? It really makes all the difference when you are dominating someone. That way you know what they are feeling and you know a little bit more about how to make them feel the way you want. It helps unite the Master and slave in a way.

    On a personal note: I would never have done well as a Mistress if it weren't for my Master, I was too shy and I didn't know what to do. I still might not be the best (okay, I know I have a lot to learn, I'm just getting started myself), but I am much better at dominating because I have been dominated.

    Also, aftercare is hugely important.
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2009
  9. MrAero

    MrAero Member

    No I haven't. I started wanting to be dominant in my past relationship because I knew that she was in charge. She too felt this way and wanted me to be in control. Because of that I tried, at first for her, and then finally for myself. I'm a very easygoing person, so just letting her be in charge was easy for me. But I'm glad I decided to take charge, it was good for both of us. thank you p3

  10. Mr Aero, I haven't done anything with contracts, but due to huge changes in my life at the time, my master and I had our relationship planned out for a good 6 months before it actually began. So we used that time wisely, getting to know each other better, establishing our sexual interests and discussing limits, things each of us were and were not prepared to do. We're lucky in that not only do we have the same sexual likes, but also the same sexual dislikes. So at least we haven't run into any problems :)
  11. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

    What kind of sub is your partner? While most people mix-n-match (an S&M junkie may still love foot worship) I find there tend to be 5 genres of submissive.

    1. Painsluts: S&M is the name of the game. You're certainly welcome to humiliate and dominate these people, but if your not pushing their physical endurance limits you won't be playing together long. Start-out easy (open handed spanking), keep a steady cadence, and work your way up. The similarities to vanilla exercise are not often overlooked and Dom's who specialize in this tend to have a drill instructor or personal trainer "character" to roleplay.

    2. Sluts: Ten out of nine professional dominatrixes agree, treating ordinary people like crack whores makes good business sense. Consider a 50/50 split on subs who enjoy transsexual roleplaying, and the other half who would rather remain manly-men (who take it up the chuff anyway). Assplay, crossdressing, strap-on sex, oral sex, forced-bi, and walking around in 5" heels are all popular passtimes. For Doms with slutty subs pimpin' really can be quite easy.

    3. Submission fetishist: The BDSM archetype submission fetishists get off on routine and especially ritual. They like leather hoods and chest harnesses. They enjoy kneeling, walking on all fours, holding ashtrays in their mouth, verbal abuse, and standing in the corner when they misbehave. There are 10,000 books and DVDs with this kind of D/s relationship and you'd be well served to become familiar with them. Submission fetishists don't tend to do well with improv and a pre-session rule sheet with positions, verbal commands, et cetera is best worked-out well in advance.

    4. Gor: Specifically catering to female sub/ male dom 'Gor' is a series of sci-fi books that has a loyal following. Since I prefer FemDom I never read them. But consensus has it the the books are pretty bad works of fiction.

    5. Fetishist: The largest group (by far) concerns people who have an overriding interest in one particular kink (foot worship, latex, cosplay, erotic asphyxia etc) but really don't care for much of anything else. Expect little variation in session play, but they are great people to have at conventions and in bars (especially the cosplay & furries). Its impossible to suggest anything before you know your sub's fantasy ideal. (Could be anything from an elaborate James-Bond interrogation scenario to dressing-up like Jesse from Pokemon).
  12. MrAero

    MrAero Member

    being that we discovered our like of Dom/sub play through the course of our relationship, we are still exploring limits and experimenting with new things. Right now I would have to say she is an adventurous fetishist. We've really only played with spanking, but are eager to try new things. One thing we are considering is tit torture. any ideas or experience?
  13. ReallyGreen

    ReallyGreen Member

    Mostly with nipple torture. Your best bet is to Google 'BDSM checklist' and start at the top and work your way down!
  14. MrAero

    MrAero Member

    this is what I found, great idea, thanks!

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