No, you don't sound rude at all
I have been trying to get him to be more comfortable telling me to do things- by starting with blowjobs. (I think you were in on this discussion about this on one of my threads, but I'm not sure.) And so it's just him getting comfortable with the idea of telling me what to do, so it's not a scene... It's just what it is- my vanilla BF trying to get comfortable demanding blowjobs. LOL.
If we were in a scene, I would never say no to anything he could possibly ever ask me to do... I guess for me, it's hard to be put into a submissive position randomly through out the day. But when I know I'm not going to be thrust out of that submissive position during day-to-day life, it's really hard to stay in it. I can't really be submissive for two minutes then, for example, go into a restaurant and have to order for myself... Not sure if that makes any sense whatsoever, but do you kind of get what I mean? I'm either in a submissive state or I'm not.
And I can see how you got that from my post- I end up telling him what to do a lot, but it's not out of choice. He gets nervous and a lot of the times will even ask "So what do I do now?" He's just getting into his role, and he's not used to it. He WANTS to do it, but he needs a lot of help. I honestly wish he had wonderful plans laid out for me- even if it involved things that I don't really like.
We talk about this stuff a LOT. I've told him what I prefer don't don't prefer, my hard and soft limits, that I would like to eventually get to the point where he punishes me but he doesn't have to now, and that he can feel free to make me do whatever he wants within my limits. I think it's different in practice, however... He wants to do this, but he needs a LOT of help. He's scared of doing something wrong, of hurting me of disappointing me. And I can understand why he feels that way- I mean, imagine having an equal partner for four years that you collaborate with on everything and work together to get your needs met and all that, and then all of a sudden they ask you to take the reins and make all those decisions you used to make together alone. Yikes! So yes, I'm probably going to be telling him what to do for a few practice rounds until he is more reassured that I'm OK with what I'm saying I'm OK with. I can tell him all day I'm OK with him treating me like a child and using me for his own selfish desires- but until I SHOW him that, he's going to be uneasy.
I'm not sure why you would think I'm forcing a stereotypical role... But that's only because when I think of D/s, I normally think of a Master/slave relationship, and I'm more into the 1950's sitcom father type Dom... Which is a stereotype in and of itself. Is that what you mean? In that case, yeah... I desire that a lot.
But you do make a good case against punishment. Yes, I do desire punishment if I behave badly in a scene or disappoint him, but I suppose if he does not want to, that would make sense. I'm not telling him to, just saying that's a preference. Do you think I should leave that out, and in the future after he's comfortable, mention that I'd like that but not expect him to if he doesn't want to?
I guess we kind of have this element that perhaps most other kinky folks may not. When he dominates me, he wants to do it perfectly. (I don't ask him to, but he wants to make me happy.) And I am trying to do the same for him when it comes my turn to be the Dominate. The only difference is that when he asks me how I'd like the scenes to go, I give him detailed fantasies. When I ask him, I'm lucky to get out a few sentences, and it always ends with "Oh, just do whatever you'd like." LOL. Also, I'm way more comfortable dominating another person. I don't *prefer* it over submitting, but I can do it and get some pleasure from it.
I hope that gives you a more clear idea... I honestly like any feedback I can give, so don't be shy about it
The worst I can do is say I don't agree. LOL.
