How much a slave should accept ?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Gina, Jan 10, 2010.

  1. Gina

    Gina New Member

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    Hello ! I have a problem with my master... It is something that really affects me and I don't have any idea how to change it.

    We've known each other for some months and now I have the feeling that I'm in love with him. Is more than this, is like an addiction. he makes me feel wonderful when we are together, he knows exactly when I need pain and humiliation and when I need just to be treated good. In the beggining, I didn't want something serious, like a TPE. He told me how good it is and how much he wants this, and in time I realised that he was right.

    But... he makes some rules and he doesn't respct them. he says, for example, to talk everyday on messenger at an established hour and he isn't there in some days. He told me not to be late and he is late hours, sometime. And the thing that annoys me the most is that he fixes dates, he tells me to not make plans, and than he postpones them in the last minute. Or worst, he simply doesn't come and neither answer he my calls. I was trying to talk to him about this, but he doesn't realise how much this bothers me, he says that things will be different, but nothing changes. He tells me that this doesn't mean that he doesn't care about me, that he doesn't love me, it's just that other things interfere. And he doesn't explain to me all the time, what those things are.

    Do you think this is normal ? Should I accept it or should I interrupt the realtionship ? Did you also had this problem ? What did you do ? Please, give me some advice, I really don't know what to do...

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    Let me ask you this... Would you accept that behavior in a vanilla relationship? I think not... I know I wouldnt and I dont know many vanilla women that would. I think you need to take the M/s dynamic away and simply look at this from a relationship perspective and ask yourself those same questsions.
  3. Protoman2050

    Protoman2050 Member

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    Anyone who doesn't respect their own rules is not to be served

    Anyone who doesn't respect their own rules is not to be respected.

    Same way with people who make rules that cannot be enforced is obviously too weak of a person and is relying on others to do the work they should've done.

    Same way with the honor code: obviously the rule-maker has decided their rule wasn't worth enforcing, and it should be disregarded. I especially hate professors that somehow believe an online closed-book, closed-note test can be gven. Most sane profs laugh at this, and either never give tests online, or make them open-book, open-notes.

    I'll always honor my word to my slave...if I tell her to meet me at Red Lobster at 5:00pm, I'll make sure I'm there 10 minutes before her, so I can get a table set up, and order her her favorite drink and appetizer. Even if I have to write a note to myself on the back of my palm to remind myself due to my brain injury making me occasionally forget my appointments until they've just passed. I'd NEVER stand up my slave. Yeah, brain damage can be a cruel thing...sometimes I forget what I'm looking for during the middle of my search. I'm only 18, and sometimes I feel like a 90 year old with Alzheimer's. I can definitely manage, though.

    Hope I've helped you!
  4. EZRA

    EZRA Member

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    Is this a long distance thing?
    Only an online thing?
    If so there is probably something he isn't telling you.
    But I could be wrong.
  5. Zandar

    Zandar Member

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    Care, but not care enough

    Hi and welcome.
    We are all human, so we all make the mistake of forgetting an appointment or making a double appointment sometimes. Then being a master might give you the excuse or "excuse" (you know the difference?) of not "showing up" as a test/punishment one more time, as long as you make this clear the next time you meet. But these things only go so far. After a few times, it passes the point of fitting into these categories and you are giving me the idea this "few" point is far in the past.

    Or he sees this as part of the TPE, but then he should have made that clear and not come up with lowsy excuses.

    My conclusion: If he cares, he clearly does not care enough or he simply doesnt have the level of responsibility that comes with being a master / be in a TPE relationship.

    I am the confrontational type and seeing this situation, it even asks for the confrontation: Be honest and absolutely clear about this. That might be difficult, but something has to change. If it doesnt, leave; there are plenty more other fish in the sea who are interested in a female sub. Dont threathen with it, but do keep it in mind.

    Ask yourself: Are you in love with him or with the lifestyle? How much is it worth loving someone who does not care enough for you?

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    You and your master need to talk, so that you both know exactly what is going on. Even if your master is testing you, he should, as I think someone else mentioned, at least have the decency to let you know that this is what he is doing. If you are feeling that you can't trust him because of the way he is acting, then this could damage your relationship, so you need to establish what you both want now, before anything like this has a chance to happen :(

    Good luck, and let us know how you get on :)
  7. BloodW0rx

    BloodW0rx New Member

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    Like someone said previously you have to ask yourself if you would accept being stood up on a date in a normal relationship, would you stay with that person if this happened regularly? I know I wouldn't.
  8. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    See and here's where i disagree. The dynamic of the relationship is not one of a vanilla relationship. Clearly, the OP wants a relationship that would incorporate vanilla emotions into a bdsm relationship, but apparently the Dom in her life has no interest in such.

    We talk on this site often about the separation of sex and bdsm, but its not just sex that can be separated. Some dom's see it as strictly a BDSM arrangement, which is why they can easily recieve compensation for it, and be professionals. they provide a service, and in return have their own needs met. there's no love, no emotion, and while for a period of time their may be the "appearence" of emotion, doesnt mean that there's actually any there.

    My suggestion, from what i see here, is to talk. i see a complete lack of proper communication, where the OP isnt expressing what they want out of such a partnership, which is clearly a different goal then the Dom wants.

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