curious/ almost newbie with bad past experience

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by slave_k, Jul 17, 2009.

  1. slave_k

    slave_k New Member

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    Hi there,
    no need to introduce myself by name as my username says it all really ;-)

    I am a larger lady, VERY curious about the BDSM scene, with very little experience in it.
    At the moment I am not looking for anything IRL, I am too suscpicious of people to meet anyone IRL again.....

    About 8 years I met a master IRL, and the experience terrified me I have to say.
    He came accross as fairly nice, obviously with a dom streak, but kind and caring too.
    we had chatted a lot, and i had explained i was new to all this, and wanting a master who was kind and caring and who would take me through things slowly and gently etc.

    the guy terrified me, to the point where for the 24 hours i was with him i couldnt relax one bit and couldnt sleep, i thought he was going to do something bad.

    He WASNT very understanding that I was new to this, and seemed to just want to inflict as much on me in as short a time as possible. He was selfish arrogant and totally scarey.

    For my first ever experience of anything like this he was sticking needles in my butt and breasts, using mole grips on me, hot wax, bondage, humiliation games, gagging, severe spaking, using whips and paddles on all parts of me, urination on me, leaving me tied and gagged for hours, using all sorts of massively sized dildos and butt plugs, and more....

    It wasnt just what he did but the fact that he knew i was brand new to all this and had wanted to go slow with it all. he didnt tell me what he was going to do or what he was doing, he was harsh and strict.

    now, dont get me wrong, had I been an experienced slave and had I known him better this may all have been fine.

    But it has really put me off exploring this side of my curiosity for all these years. His parting words to me were "you're a fucking useless slave go back to boring fucking and forget BDSM you'll always be fucking uselss"

    Are all masters / mistresses like this and it is just a case of me missing the point, or are there people out there who can genuinely be nice and dominent at the same time?

    The other issue is being a BBW that has held me back too.....

    Last edited: Jul 17, 2009
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  2. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    I'd say from the sounds of things you had a run in with an inexperienced dom assuming as most do, that its about the pain and abuse. Hell, I'm a sadist and even I know better; their needs to be balance. A true Dom in the lifestyle can be very understanding, but you'll also find them to be strict. They will explain things usually only once, and after that its up to you to process and deal with that information.

    I'm glad you decided to experience more to life, and I hope you choose to find another dom and try again. I encourace you to hang around here and learn more about the lifestyle from thos o us who actually embrace it full time, so that you can better come to recognize those who are real and those posing as what they obviously are not. Don't let one bad experience deter you from what you want in life, but let it provide a learning curve...

    Welcome to the forums.
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  3. kixfix

    kixfix Member

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    hi, i am masterkix....

    i've been into bdsm for 6 years, i used to be a sug for the first 3 years then changed to be a dom, so i think i have some experience to say that bdsm isn't about only pain, actualy it is about pleasure,

    it's mainly about pleasure, it is about the pleasure i derrive from dominating and the pleasure u derrive from being dominated by me, bdsm is like sex, both partners should be happy both should enjoy, the dom should be happy for inflicting pain and the sub should be happy for pain being inflicted upon him\her.....

    the sub should always know that she is worth something to the dom and the dom should always cherish the sub and the sub present himself\herself as a gift for the dom......
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    I agree with the posts above.

    I am really, really sorry to hear of your previous experience. I don't blame you for being afraid of BDSM for so long afterwards, but am glad you feel brave enough to take these first steps back into it.

    Just take it slow, and make sure there is full communication on both sides; that your needs and also your limits are taken into consideration. If you are able to do this some time before any actual play begins, then this should,hopefully, make things a bit easier.

    Good luck for the future, and I really hope that you find a dom who is actually worthy of having a slave, someone who will teach you well :)
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  5. slave_k

    slave_k New Member

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    thanks for the replies.
    I had previously wondered if I had thought wrongly what bdsm is all about, but your posts have reassured me that in fact it ISNT just about having pain inflicted on me, theres more to it than that.

    I have left it quite a while because i was scared off, but I guess it was inevitable that I couldnt forget this part of me, it was bound to keep popping up again until I did something about it.
    I find it too exciting to forget about it completely.
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  6. monocrome

    monocrome Member

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    i also had some extremely negative past experiences that caused me to leave all of this for many years. i wish you luck and hope you know there are people here and in many other places who you can talk to and who will help :)

    imho the important thing to realize is that it's your journey. if something doesn't seem right, it probably isn't right for you. (again, my opinion only... your mileage may vary)
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  7. Martello

    Martello Member

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    Last edited: Jul 18, 2009

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