Hesitant Boyfriend Part Deux- My Turn to Dom

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Foreverbunny91, Dec 6, 2011.

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    Okay, so in the first post, I was talking about coaxing my boyfriend into playing my Daddy dom. Well, now I need some advice on doing a switcheroo.

    After our short romp in the hotel, he said that he'd like to try being on the other end. He's thrown this idea out for a few years now, but whenever I would get enthused about it, he kind of withdrew the offer. I think he was scared, perhaps?? I'd told him that I would love to do that if he'd let me, but then he said he probably wasn't into it. So I guess it was one of those "Well, I'd like you to do this to me, but I'm kind of scared, so why don't you go first?" type thing. Perhaps knowing that I wouldn't see him as weak or sick, as I shared a similar fantasies, helped take away his fears? Not sure, but either way, he has confirmed he definitely wants to try it, and I agreed, and we've decided our next hotel adventure is going to include a switcheroos.

    So, he's not as open about sharing fantasies as I am. He claims he has none... Once in a while he'll throw something out, then later when I ask if he'd like to try it, he says he doesn't really think he'd like that. *sigh* Rather fustrating, but I guess I DO go overboard in trying to get him to tell me this vital information, so perhaps I scare him a bit? Also, we're an INSANELY jealous and monogamous couple- like if there is such a thing as hardcore monogamy, we're the definition. Don't get me wrong- this is what makes us both happy and comfortable, but it does cause a few issues. For example, I ask him what he thinks about when he mastrubates, and he says he thinks about me... And I say doing what? And he says what we usually do... And so I ask what he thought about before he met me, and he said he doesn't remember :disapointed: I've learned that trying to push him to tell me stuff really just makes him upset and does not good, so I will just take it as a compliment that I'm THAT delicious:D

    He has conveyed the following:

    Light restraints and a blindfold would be OK
    Interested in me using him for my own pleasure by tying him down and having my way with him sexually
    Interested in me riding his face- possibly as a punishment
    NOT interested in humiliation or pain play (except spanking)
    Interested in having a strap-on used on him
    Interested in anal beads
    Would like me to wear some lingerie (yay!!)
    No other names other than our nick name for eachother (which is kind of cute but out of place)

    I'm not sure how long he wants our scene to be, but to me, this does not seem like much to work with! He said he wants to feel dominated and (for lack of a better term) used for my pleasure... But of course in a loving and endearing way, I am assuming by the answers to my endless string of questions.

    I currenlty posess sexy lingerie, anal lube and a blindfold. I heard that nylon stockings make great restraints, and I am very creative with knots... Can't afford a strap on, as I'm a struggling college student and even the cheaper kits are expensive. I'd prefer to save up and buy a nice harness later on:) But I'm assuming a dildo or vibrator will do it for him. I will have to ask to make sure it's not too big of a disappointment. Also, I will be buying anal beads:D If I can find cheap lube injectors, I might buy one for a fantasy of my own, and I can also use that on him. (They normally come in packs of three I think, so no worries about sanitary issues.) I was also thinking about asking him about ice and celophane wrap... Don't know if he's down for that, but we've used ice on eacother's backs before (where it's more pleasureable than it is painful for some reason), so I'm assuming I can use ice on his back at least.

    It's not very good or elaborate or long enough, but I've got somewhat of a plan down:

    Have him run out for some sort of random errand, and tell him to come back and look on the bed for instructions.
    Lay the blindfold on the bed and write a not saying to put it on and lay down on the bed naked.
    Change into lingerie.
    Stay in the bathroom until he comes back and puts on the mask and lays down.
    Come out and tie him to the bed, then lay out my tools on the night stand.
    Have fun teasing him with my hands and mouth for a while, maybe using the ice.
    Briefly step away, and remove my panties. Toss them on his face.
    Somewhere in between something find a reason to ride his face, which would require untying him possibly.
    Lubricate his anus and insert the anal beads.
    Hop on his cock and take pleasure in slowly fucking him for a while.
    When it gets really steamy, jump off, untie him and order him to get on all fours.
    Tie his legs, so they remain apart.
    Put on a pair of rubber gloves, pull out the anal beeds and play with them for a while.
    Then lubricate my finger and stimulate his prostate, playfully spanking him while I do it.
    Then, get up and grab the dildo and put a condom on it and use it on him.

    Other than repeating, I have no further ideas... I don't want to push his limits a lot the first time, because I don't want to scare him away (I think he's scared I may take this too far, and I need to earn his trust I think before I start pushing even any soft limits, nonetheless harder ones.) So it's kind of weak sauce, but it's supposed ot be that way... Yet I don't want him to be bored.

    Ideas? Feedback? Moral confidence-boosting support?? Thanks in advance:)
  2. JettOnly

    JettOnly Member

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    He has offered up some fantasies, so you can use them
    Some things can seem like a good idea when really turned on that don't sound so good later, but that dosent mean you can't use the idea
    Once you have him all worked up tell him how got you get thinking about doing x to him

    He won't be bored, its the mind fuck of not knowing

    As for the strapon, say the right things and don't let him look and his mind will fill in the blanks

    Its about confidence in how you do the things

    I couldn't get a strapon, hope this is ok
    Bite the pillows, hope I'm not too big for you
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Nylon stockings DO NOT make good restraints. They tighten very easily during play, and when that happens, they cut into the skin and cut off circulation and they are hard to un-knot. Go to the hardward store, buy a 50' length of white nylon rope, and cut it into 6-8' lengths. Do a little bit of reading about bondage basics, such as where not to run ropes (over joints and the throat), the two finger rule (never make a wrapping so tight you can't slide two fingers under it) and how to treat someone in bondage (never leave them alone, especially if they are gagged). A spread-eagle is fairly safe, although hard to do in a hotel bedroom because the beds usually don't have the anchor points necessary. Oh, and buy an EMT scissors (usually available anywhere you can get first aid supplies), in case you have to get him loose fast.
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2011
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Do some verbal play with him. There's a section in the FAQ about it. From what I've seen and heard from others, verbal play is often the difference between an ok scene and a great scene. Tell him early on that tonight he's gonna do whatever you want, and he has no choice in the matter Unless he safewords, you're gonna use him like the bitch/naughty boy/faggot/slave (take your pick) he really is inside. And then make him admit that he's a bitch/naughty boy/faggot/slave.

    What play like that does is it intensifies the experience by giving him something to anticipate and by making him say something taboo (men are not supposed to admit to being bitches/naughty boys/faggots, slaves), which reinforces that you're the one in control.
  5. TerribleT

    TerribleT Member

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    So funny. I was reading your other thread and was debating weather or not to suggest you two take turns.
    I think it would certainly compress the learning curve and help you understand and trust one another.

    Sebastian is an authority (pun intended).
    Definitely do your homework on bondage for the safety of you and your partner.

    I believe bondage to be a gateway. have fun!

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    Sebastian, I know about the scissors (i heard bandage scissors would do... Yhose are different than emt ones though rigbt?) and the need to be able to release ANY tied living thing immediately (kinda creepy how many bdsm related things you can learn from owning a horse. Lol! I just read somewhere that nylons made good restraints- yikes! I will def do more research now!! Thanks for your knowledge- that might gave turned out badly if you didn't say something! What about scarves n vet wrap? I also heard to use vet wrap but after thinking about it IDK...

    He's expressed that he does not any nsme calling... But I could get him to admit that he's a naughty boy or that he likes to be fucked:) good ideas guys!
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Yes, I think bandage scissors are the same as EMT scissors. What I'm thinking of has a lower blade with a flat safety guard so you can't accidentally stab someone as you cut.

    Silk scarves have the same problem as nylons. If you leave them very loose (just to suggest bondage to a very nervous new sub), you might use them. Ties are a little better, but still not great. If you're going to explore bondage, just drop the (fairly low) price of nylon rope. It's very versatile, and using rope will make you feel like a pro. If you get serious about bondage, get Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook or John Warren's The Loving Dominant. Both are good guides to bondage, although Wiseman goes into much more detail on the subject.

    A friend just showed me vet wrap a few weeks ago. I'm not sure if it's good for really strict bondage, since it does flex a good deal, but it makes a good blindfold or gag (very hard to choke someone with it, since it lets air through), and it would be great for a medical scene (of course you could go with casting plaster too).

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    What width of rope? The 3/4" thick kind wouldn't be cuttable with EMT scissors, I don't think... But the super thin stuff I have probably wouldn't be comfy... Does it matter if it's twisted or diamond braided?

    And just a warning about vet wrap- do NOT wrap it around legs or arms like you would a bandage. Just around a wrist or something would be okay, but no fat parts, where it would cause rolling. I made this mistake once and wrapped it around my leg, and it started to roll down and cut off the circulation pretty bad- I tried rolling it all the way off, and it wouldn't come off but just ended up cutting off the circulation more. It hurt pretty bad, and I had trouble cutting it off.
  9. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

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    Diamond is better, it won't cut in as much. And it cuts easily, though you won't need to except in an emergency, which means hopefully you just won't need to.
  10. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

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    He is sounding quite like a sub if you dont mind me saying...maybe I'm being presumptuous but I would be a tad worried that he ends up preferring being on the receiving end which will kind of fly in the face of your attempts to turn him into a convincing Daddy...but that's just me.
  11. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    EMT shears will cut through leather belts, so they'l get through rope. 1/4" nylon is a good place to start. Oh, and those books I mentioned both have sections discussing the pros and cons of very types of rope.
  12. JettOnly

    JettOnly Member

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    In other posts you spoke about your work with horses
    I only worked in a stable for a little while so I dont know if it was just there or its standard but when we were tying the horses up for face grooming we used a quick release knot

    Actually rope play and especially japanese rope art is something I have been interested in for a little while. Was chatting to a sub guy on a dating website who was really into it so I have been reading up on it a wee bit (infact my ropes just came in the mail today, Im sure I will find someone to play with them with :) )

    One thing (thinking with the horse knotts) on some rope sites there are some really good instructions for 'explosive' knotts - this means he would be secure and struggles wouldnt free or tighten him - but one tug from your side and the ropes fall away
    - still would have the scissors as a back up - but it saves having to take ages to undo things

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    There are quite a few fun variations of those slip knots a person can learn about.. And to add to the topic of equine knowledge relating to this, check out your local feed store for more! There are a variety of quick release snaps and locks that can even require the use of two hands to release, preventing accidental releases. :)

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    Jett, I was actually thinking of using some of my old lead ropes, because they are diamond weave I've tied maybe thousands of quick release knots:) They are STANDARD and should ALWAYS be used. (If you ever get the chance to see a horse freak out while tied up, you will see why.)

    Exploring2dark- I was totally just thinking about using some of my quick-release snaps and trailer ties!! I have the type that take one hand, and the kind you have to twist to release, which takes two. I was thinking if I ever had my own dungeon, I could put to use some of the thousands of options of hardware at the local feedstore, as I'm more familiar with that:) But for now, I can only dream... LOL.

    Subarama, I was wondering the same myself, but I figure that it would not be fair to withhold something pleasureable for my own interests. He is helping me explore my deepest fantasies and is dedicated to being a good Daddy, so I figure I should try my hardest to be a good Dom for him, too. I don't think he will ever fully enjoy dominance as much as I enjoy submitting to it, and if he so decides he likes submission as much as I do, then perhaps it would be advantageous to both of us, as we can discuss and fully understand one another's fantasies more, and even though neither of us may be enthused about being the one doing the dominating, it still brings us closer to be giving eachother pleasure in such an intimate and personal way:)

    But on that note, does anyone else think that would happen? Would it be of a disadvantage in any way??

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    I hope these are "cotton" lead ropes you are using, not the nylon ones...? Those nylon ones leave serious rope burn that lasts weeks!

    The fun thing about the cotton ones as well, they have that cute knot on the opposing end.. Does great for flogging when you are not disengaging your equine! LOL

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