MIRROR: Download from MEGA
OLP. what made you think you may be only a 1 or 2? Everything I've seen about you would indicate an enthusiastic level 4 or 5.
Aww, cheers for the compliment
Well, what I should have mentioned was that my thoughts of levels 1 and 2 came before I'd actually read the link
But, well, I was a bit worried that I would not see a description of myself, if you will, on that list
I was delighted to discover that I'm higher up than I'd imagined, but the weird, and stupid, thing is, that I feel a bit self conscious about the fact that everyone else's self-ratings are higher than mine. Even more weird and stupid because I'm happy with my current level and, for the time being, don't want to go any higher. I want to stay where I am and explore this a lot more before thinking about anything more intense.
I still have so much work to do. Pain is still a real issue for me. I took a piece of ginger up my arse, but am too terrified to even try having candle wax dripped onto me, even though I watched my master try it on himself first and remain completely unruffled at the result. I can't bear to have my back flogged, and yet I adore it when he scratches me really hard, and last night loved having a nail brush dragged across my back.
Also, I'm having trouble with obedience sometimes. I am rebellious. I can't help this. I'm trying my best to squash it down, but it keeps rearing its ugly head. I want so much to please my master, and I feel so happy every time he says he is proud of me. But I fear that I am doing things wrong sometimes.
I'm sitting here crying as I write this. Pathetic or what?
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