Let's talk about subspace, aftercare and sub drop

Smallest · Jul 19, 2012

Lil, the problem is that sub drop doesn't indicate anything went wrong in the scene, or that anything was miscommunicated. Many times, such as almost every time I've experienced it, it comes seemingly unprovoked, after play that was enjoyable and often not anywhere near limits. As outlined above, there are ways to help it, but it's not easy to prevent.

I can't tell if you misunderstood that, or if you're just going a bit offtopic (with the talk of not jumping into BDSM, and communication being important, which I hope everyone reading knows). It's fine to go slightly offtopic, it just makes me a bit lost in how to reply.

impkitty · Jul 19, 2012

This is a topic which has interested me since discovering it - well after I should have known about it, I might add! I'm fairly sure I experienced it without realising it at the time, but since I have depression issues arising from my body's inability to keep my 'happy hormones' topped up anyway, I didn't make the connection. If so, I'm not sure you need to go into sub space to experience it, maybe someone can clarify that? As I understand it the drop occurs, literally with the sudden drop back to, or less than normal levels of adrenaline, serotonin etc ?

I haven't the experience to know what the cure is but when my mood dips I will always back the vote for care and of course chocolate too as a very short term fix.

What I've wondered is whether a natural inclination to (clinical) depression makes a person more prone to it. For me at least, happy stress (I'm thinking good scene or sex might count) and bad stress has the same effect in draining the 'happy' hormones and they just aren't replaced fast enough, thus giving rise to a big down. I know depression is a hard subject to talk about but is there anyone out there with experience and if so do they take any additional care before, during or after the scene?

{This is my first post here, so I hope I've made sense and haven't stepped out of line ... because, wow, choose a serious topic to start on, why don't I? I won't be offended if I need a nudge}

sebastian · Jul 19, 2012

Sub drop and subspace are not inherently connected, although they are not totally unrelated. For some subs, subspace is triggered by the release of endorphins during pain play. But not all subs who drop into subspace need pain play to achieve it. When those endorphins wear off, the body's natural systems can experience a crash (like a crash after a sugar high), in which the body's endorphin levels drop back to normal and maybe below normal. So to the extent that sub drop is biochemical, it is a byproduct of subspace.

But not all sub drop is biochemical. For some it is largely psychological. BDSM can produce a sense of time flowing differently, with 6-8 hours flying by in what feels like 2-3 hours. When the awareness of time returns to normal, the body can crash from simple exhaustion. BDSM can also produce a sense of heightened awareness, of extra concentration, and of a sort of hyper-reality. When these feelings return to normal, they can produce depression because life seems less special; the sub realizes that she has to return to her mundane life and duties. And for some subs, exploring their dark side can trigger feelings of disgust, self-loathing, memories of past unhappy or abusive experiences, and so on. The sub may feel she's unworthy, a filthy pervert, or worthless. None of these are primarily about biochemical shifts. In that sense, sub drop may have nothing at all to do with subspace.

impkitty · Jul 19, 2012

I've looked up a few explanations of sub drop, but honestly your description is encompasses far more than I've seen before and is really well explained. There's certain pieces falling into place for me...

{as an aside, this may be what you have on FAQ, but I seem to be failing using the site, because whenever I click FAQ on the top bar I'm only finding answers to technical questions- am I missing a separate FAQ in the threads?}
EDIT: OKay, I need to get some sleep, yes I have seen the newcomers' FAQ - I must have missed that thread ...and then decided to go looking in strange places today.

RopeRanger · Jul 19, 2012

impkitty, Since we all post from personal experience we’re all qualified to post. The reason I’m a member here is because this is the least critical, judgmental forum I’ve found. Jump in with both feet.

From a Dom side, I’ve experienced Dom drop, though I don’t feel that term is quite as descriptive for me as it seems to be for subs. I would equate it more to red-lining an engine rather than a drop. I was raised in the south and taught to be a gentleman: men don’t hit women, you’re always polite etc. On the flip side we don’t hide crazy we parade it out on the front porch and give it a party so I don’t normally have “guilt” issues with my kink, power exchange, or any pain I may cause to reach our mutual satisfaction.

My drop often is tied to the sub’s aftercare. If they had a …pleasurable is not the right word… satisfying session then my decompression typically consists of exhaustion more than anything. I make an effort to take my sub into subspace which means we prepare with a discussion and reminder of our limits, I have to keep a keen eye on her as she tends to push herself very hard, and then aftercare is especially important because if her head space.

Once I have her back in a good place I often need time to get out of Dom mode and back into normal everyday mode. I tend to schedule our sessions so that I don’t interact with the public until the next day. That way I can sleep it off.

Any Dom “drop” issues that I have experience have always been produced by cheating the line between soft/hard limits. This has almost disappeared as I’ve grown in experience. I found that the fastest way for me to come out of it was though self-critique, not self-condemnation, but a true lessons learned thought process followed by a debrief with my sub in a non D/s setting.

sebastian · Jul 19, 2012

When domming is really clicking for me, I can get a sort of high off the sense of power. It makes me feel amazingly powerful, desirable, and an all-around bad ass. When I get dom drop, which isn't too often, it's an awareness of diminished power. It's sort of like no longer having my third arm or something like that. Where did that power go? It was just here a moment ago...

savannah · Jul 19, 2012

So Sir and I were playing the other night and we were really into the session when dear daughter starts yelling for daddy. Turns out she had a nightmare (first nightmare in a bery long time). Well tbh I don't remember much after that, just feeling really sad and I started to cry. Embarrassing! I don't remember what exactly I was crying about just felt sad and cold.

So anyways, Sir told me he got me into the bath to warm up and I guess he cuddled me cause the next thing I really remember was waking up in the morning. He filled me in later in what happened but my own memories are rather patchy.

He says I dropped pretty hard. Does that happen frequently? Cause I sure dont want that to happen again.

sebastian · Jul 19, 2012

Warm baths, warm blankets, a warm sugary drink (coffee with sugar, hot cocoa), small chocolate candies (hershey's kisses, for example), sports drinks, and fruit juice are all good for sub drop. Mellow music might be a good idea.

Whether you drop frequently or not is something only you and your husband can know. If it happens regularly, take it into account when you plan your play sessions.

savannah · Jul 20, 2012

that's the first time that dropping has happened to me like that, thankfully. I hope not to experience that again for a long time. It was not fun at all.

Let's talk about subspace, aftercare and sub drop

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