Gilgland
New Member
MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Since my last post a lot has happened, and I largely have all of the lovely people on this post to thank for that. At the suggestion of @L8NightQ I read The Loving Dominant and I'm working on SM 101 and have learned a lot and gained a lot of self assurance that communication is such an intracle part of any relationship, but exponentially more so when BDSM is a part of that relationship, that it would have been foolish for me to have tried to guess my way through things, and probably would have resulted in bad experiences for one or both of us.
I actually had a chance to visit a club/ dungeon in the DC area with some friends and surprisingly felt right at home. It was such a relaxed, nonjudgmental environment that I couldn't help but have a great time. By the end of the night one of the friends that went with me, who has a considerable amount more experience than my ex or myself, asked me to do a scene with her. Once the ground rules were set, which took all of 2 minutes, we both had an amazing time. It really showed me that if the communication is present to the point that I feel that neither person's boundaries are crossed that I not only am capable, but thoroughly enjoy both the physical and mental side of it. I actually had a strangely wonderful experience during the scene where everything fell away and the only thing that I was aware of was being fully immersed in the moment with the other person. When I "came back to reality" I realized that a lot of the hang ups and self doubt that I had before were nowhere to be found and that feeling has not left me since. I actually was comfortable enough with the situation that I tried some forms of play that I never would have even entertained the thought of in my previous relationship and I loved every second of it. I was able to go through everything without hesitation or doubt and it made it great for us both. She actually commented that, from what she heard from my ex and others involved, that I didn't want to explore or try new things and she made the comment that it was pretty clear that it was my ex's lack of communication that held things back for us, not my lack of desire or ability.
Another thing that the experience showed me was that, if this is where I want things to be, it is possible for both parties to separate scene from reality, which was a major concern of mine. That what you say or do in the moment has no impact on how you truly feel about that person and therefore you can do some pretty radical things in the moment but as soon as the scene is over you both know you are now back on an equal playing field and that neither party ACTUALLY thinks any less of the person and in reality there is more respect between the people involved.
Thank you all again for your help. I really feel like I can move forward knowing that the past is the past and the only use in looking back is to learn from it and that the future holds great things for me.
I actually had a chance to visit a club/ dungeon in the DC area with some friends and surprisingly felt right at home. It was such a relaxed, nonjudgmental environment that I couldn't help but have a great time. By the end of the night one of the friends that went with me, who has a considerable amount more experience than my ex or myself, asked me to do a scene with her. Once the ground rules were set, which took all of 2 minutes, we both had an amazing time. It really showed me that if the communication is present to the point that I feel that neither person's boundaries are crossed that I not only am capable, but thoroughly enjoy both the physical and mental side of it. I actually had a strangely wonderful experience during the scene where everything fell away and the only thing that I was aware of was being fully immersed in the moment with the other person. When I "came back to reality" I realized that a lot of the hang ups and self doubt that I had before were nowhere to be found and that feeling has not left me since. I actually was comfortable enough with the situation that I tried some forms of play that I never would have even entertained the thought of in my previous relationship and I loved every second of it. I was able to go through everything without hesitation or doubt and it made it great for us both. She actually commented that, from what she heard from my ex and others involved, that I didn't want to explore or try new things and she made the comment that it was pretty clear that it was my ex's lack of communication that held things back for us, not my lack of desire or ability.
Another thing that the experience showed me was that, if this is where I want things to be, it is possible for both parties to separate scene from reality, which was a major concern of mine. That what you say or do in the moment has no impact on how you truly feel about that person and therefore you can do some pretty radical things in the moment but as soon as the scene is over you both know you are now back on an equal playing field and that neither party ACTUALLY thinks any less of the person and in reality there is more respect between the people involved.
Thank you all again for your help. I really feel like I can move forward knowing that the past is the past and the only use in looking back is to learn from it and that the future holds great things for me.
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