MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Hey guys, I'm a newbie here and looking to get a some advice and get a few things off my chest, but first, a little background. Please also take my views of the BDSM world with a grain of salt, since I am very new to this world and have a lot to learn.
I'm a 21-year-old man living in Charleston, SC. I was raised in a very Christian household, single mother, with a very good childhood. I was brought up to believe that women are God's perfect gift to man, and hold that belief to this day. However, to my family, respecting women basically meant letting them do whatever they want, and that doing anything to assert authority was blatantly wrong. This conflicted greatly with my view of a respectful relationship, where I lead a woman in a relationship through firm authority. I have always wanted to LEAD a woman through our relationship, with her having complete trust in me and I in her. I have constantly wanted that responsibility, for her care and needs to be met by her trust in me. My family basically told me that my view was "disgusting" and "disrespectful" when I went to them for help. This has led to an internal struggle within me for years, leading to mild depression and social anxiety.
Recently, however, I have discovered the world of BDSM. My first instinct was that this was the "disgusting" world that my family detests so much. But after reading into some of the relationships that are built from this life, I knew that this was what my heart always desired. My heart has always wanted to be the leader in a relationship, and I crave the astounding level of respect and trust that can be built in a dom/sub relationship. My heart absolutely CRAVES it. When I discovered this world, I felt like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I felt truly happy for the first time in months. My heart knew that this is where it belonged.
There are still a few things that I am still conflicted about, and hope that someone here may have a few words of advice. My main conflict regards marriage. Through my Christian upbringing (and I am still a Christian, and still hold all my beliefs), I determined that I would NOT have sex before marriage. Yes, that means that I am a virgin. I will never break that promise to myself. I want to be absolutely positive that I am pouring my heart and soul into one woman that I truly love. This seems to conflict with the way most people join this world. From my limited reading and observation, it seems like most people who enter this world start with casual encounters and make it more and more permanent. I cannot enter a relationship that way.
The obvious question that arises from this conflict is: can it work that way? Has anyone entered a vanilla dating/engagement/marriage relationship with the understanding that it will become a loving dom/sub relationship? Is this an unrealistic expectation? My biggest uncertainty comes from inexperience. I have only had 2 dating relationships before that failed fairly quickly. Being new to this world, what could I look for in a woman that would show that she wants a relationship like this as much as I do? It seems that very few women see me for who I am, and even fewer would want to enter into a dom/sub relationship.
I apologize for writing a full-length novel, but I would greatly appreciate any thoughts on this situation. Writing this out has helped me get a few things off my chest, and I appreciate anyone who listened. Good night and happy playing!
I'm a 21-year-old man living in Charleston, SC. I was raised in a very Christian household, single mother, with a very good childhood. I was brought up to believe that women are God's perfect gift to man, and hold that belief to this day. However, to my family, respecting women basically meant letting them do whatever they want, and that doing anything to assert authority was blatantly wrong. This conflicted greatly with my view of a respectful relationship, where I lead a woman in a relationship through firm authority. I have always wanted to LEAD a woman through our relationship, with her having complete trust in me and I in her. I have constantly wanted that responsibility, for her care and needs to be met by her trust in me. My family basically told me that my view was "disgusting" and "disrespectful" when I went to them for help. This has led to an internal struggle within me for years, leading to mild depression and social anxiety.
Recently, however, I have discovered the world of BDSM. My first instinct was that this was the "disgusting" world that my family detests so much. But after reading into some of the relationships that are built from this life, I knew that this was what my heart always desired. My heart has always wanted to be the leader in a relationship, and I crave the astounding level of respect and trust that can be built in a dom/sub relationship. My heart absolutely CRAVES it. When I discovered this world, I felt like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I felt truly happy for the first time in months. My heart knew that this is where it belonged.
There are still a few things that I am still conflicted about, and hope that someone here may have a few words of advice. My main conflict regards marriage. Through my Christian upbringing (and I am still a Christian, and still hold all my beliefs), I determined that I would NOT have sex before marriage. Yes, that means that I am a virgin. I will never break that promise to myself. I want to be absolutely positive that I am pouring my heart and soul into one woman that I truly love. This seems to conflict with the way most people join this world. From my limited reading and observation, it seems like most people who enter this world start with casual encounters and make it more and more permanent. I cannot enter a relationship that way.
The obvious question that arises from this conflict is: can it work that way? Has anyone entered a vanilla dating/engagement/marriage relationship with the understanding that it will become a loving dom/sub relationship? Is this an unrealistic expectation? My biggest uncertainty comes from inexperience. I have only had 2 dating relationships before that failed fairly quickly. Being new to this world, what could I look for in a woman that would show that she wants a relationship like this as much as I do? It seems that very few women see me for who I am, and even fewer would want to enter into a dom/sub relationship.
I apologize for writing a full-length novel, but I would greatly appreciate any thoughts on this situation. Writing this out has helped me get a few things off my chest, and I appreciate anyone who listened. Good night and happy playing!
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