Vanishing Submissives

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Maxxim, Jun 25, 2009.

  1. Maxxim

    Maxxim New Member

    I have met a few submissives here but have had the misfortune to find those that do not have the desire to truly be subservient. They have served for anywhere from a day to a month, but the end result is that they suddenly go quiet. They do not bother to tell me if they've found a new master, don't want to serve any more or what the case may be. I don't punish them more than normal and take care to make sure they know that I will listen to them if they have problems carrying out a task. Yet I do not receive the same consideration when it comes to them deciding to break off contact. Frankly, this annoys me to no end.

    The question I have is how many others have experienced this and have you discovered a way to minimize this?
  2. subspace

    subspace Member

    Could it be that the M/s relationship moved to fast? or...

    What could really be the issue is that they weren't truly submissives but 'visitors' trying to get a taste.
  3. Maxxim

    Maxxim New Member

    I do not know. I've been very careful, moving slowly, not forcing myself deeper into their lives. I respect the limits they set and try to focus on the aspects of BDSM that they enjoy. I have been told by a few former submissives that I can be scary as the sub realizes she is becoming 'addicted' to what I do to her.
  4. Martello

    Martello Member

    Subservient and Submissive are pretty different. Maybe that has a little somehting to do with it?
  5. Maxxim

    Maxxim New Member

    Slave and Submissive are not exactly interchangeable, but a submissive and slave are both subservient to their masters otherwise they would not qualify for the terms.

    That doesn't mean that they are not a person and still to be treated properly. It simply means that they bow to your wishes unless it would violate their limits or cause them harm.
  6. Martello

    Martello Member

    For me, I'm only intrested in "bedroom" Subs, so subservient doesn't really fly. I like woman with her own mind opinion but when the bedroom door is closed things are a little different.

    That's where I was coming from on that. I think there is a world of difference between the two terms.
  7. Maxxim

    Maxxim New Member

    Definitely there are differences there. I'm usually careful to ask them which they are. If they don't know, I try to help them find out. I do make it clear from the beginning what I expect though, even before I begin training or playing.
  8. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    also remember subs hate conflict and may prefer to disappear than try and explain themselves.
    but I also think subspace has a point many may just be" testing the waters"
    How many romance novels have the MAN" taking her forcefully into his arms" sorta thing, for many the idea of being dominated sounds better than it actually is or is different than they thought it would be so they just disappear than hafe to admit they were wrong about what they wanted.

    Just a thought.
  9. Maxxim

    Maxxim New Member

    Truthfully, I've thought of most of it, but I wanted to rant a bit. It getrs really frustrating when you put alot of effort into a girl then she just disappears. It makes you not want to waste time investing in another sub. I know that that would not be right though...
  10. stripped

    stripped New Member

    There is a spectral difference between a real sm relationship, and a role play / recreational sm relationship. If it's recreational, and they split, don't sweat it. If you were taking it seriously, and they split, they answer to their real master, and you did too. (no offense intended, of course) This latter scenario would mean that you take into consideration that you lost these girls for whatever reason(s), and evaluate each situation in order to grow and strengthen as a dominant. If it is a weekend thing for you, then who cares, its the same as losing past girlfriends.
  11. MidniteKitten

    MidniteKitten New Member

    Having personally been one of these women (please all do not get the wrong idea, I am now serious and mature) I must say I can understand. Once on another BDSM personal site I was engaged in a rather rapidly progressing relationship. At the time I was still in debate over what I truly desired and my questioning and self doubt caused me to feel inadequate. Though the dom had always reassured me of progress, or no wrong doing I felt like I wasn't good enough. Therefore I took a leave of absence without alerting him as I felt ashamed to admit that I didn't feel worthy or capable. Its possible that some of these women may be dealing with the same inner conflicts and this is why they vanish. Then again this is just my 2 cents.
  12. master jey

    master jey Moderator


    I think they jgust came for experience you don't have to worry there are lots of submissive girls not like dominant men

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