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SubAnna

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sebastian - I actually get what you mean I think. I mean Im very ambivalent about it myself.. The easiest way I can explain it really is that it is really easy to distinguish between abuse and not abuse - I have had a bad experience (not with BDSM though, just a general thing), it is beyond easy to tell the difference. Just as it is easy to tell the difference between rape and sex. When somebody I know really well ties me up/slaps me around a little bit etc. I will just be like, "fantastic". I dont feel the least bit abused, more on the contrary.. It really just makes everything so much better - I believe I feel the same way about this type of stuff that some ppl. feel about oral sex. :D However, if somebody does anything against my will, or forces anything on me I feel abused.
It is really not so tricky if you know each other well, and you have 200 % trust in that person.. If there was even a sliver of doubt in me that he was not a good guy, then it is a totally different story.. If a random guy, or even just somebody I had not known for too long even attempted to pull any of that stuff I would run away screaming. You really want to find out whether he is an asshole BEFORE you are tied to his bed at 4am. :rolleyes:
To me BDSM and even to some extent sex (I think that might just be me though:)) only belongs in relationships where you have established a serious amount of trust, and where you do it simply because it is fun.. I guess this may be because, like you said, there is a history of men abusing women...
So I guess what Im saying is that from my point of view I dont find it hard to tell the difference between kinkiness and abuse.. But then again, I do understand how it must look fucked up from somebody looking at it from the outside.. Im not really sure how to better explain it than this, or if this makes sense. It feels natural, or it feels wrong. Trust is vital in any relationship, and it is, at least from me, hard earned...
Now something that I might have issues with is the idea of actual and very hardcore (corporal/humiliating) punishment.. Punishment (and Im talking about the very heavy stuff) to me is something that is unwanted and uncomfortable (not the good pain). I have never really tried the serious stuff, but I think it would require a very special bond for me to be comfortable with anything like that. I know some people do it ofc., but sometimes I find it a little hard to understand.. Maybe you have try it in the right relationship before you know what it is like :)

Moving on to happier things :) Im really with you on the gender divide thing.. It is hard, because men are wired in a very strange way.. But actually, I find that a blessing sometimes..
(that is the emotional side - to mention the sexual.. Alpha males are a turn on - okay this may be stating the obvious seeing as my nickname is SUBAnna :p. At the same time Im just not turned on by girls..)
Additionally men's way of thinking can be a blessing sometimes.. If you can accept each other's differences I believe that opposites suit each other quite well. I mean look at how successful ying and yang are ;)
I honestly think I would jump off a bridge if I married/had a long term romantic relationship with a girl. I love my girlfriends, and I would never be without them, but I need both..

As for the tear thing DarkTruth.. An ex-bf of mine - we would have a fight and he would just be stubborn like hell and refuse to budge even an inch (even if he was the asshole). Unless I ended up crying out of either frustration, anger or sadness.. Then he would turn around completely.. I never really understood why tears were so much more compelling than logic, common sense, apologies, trying to actually solve the problem.. Usually a guy being affected by tears would actually really give him thumbs up because it shows he cares, but this was just too much because he would ONLY "listen" to tears :confused:. Ofc. we also broke up so yea... :)
I have also known quite a few cases where a girl actually used this against her bf... Watch out :)

Okay Im gonna stop ranting now.. Im convinced I violated some forum rule with this long post :eek: I hope you stopped reading before boredom set it ;)
 
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SubAnna

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sebastian

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sebastian

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This is because the gay community has already recruited so many guys (one of my best friends is gay, and I know many girls who wish he wasn't. They do feel unfairly treated!:cool:).. You have used up your coupons, you have to share now :) Sharing is caring, remember.. ;)

Dang! If I turned one more guy, I was gonna win a toaster.

You know, speaking of sharing, it's funny. I find female bits kind of icky, but I've occasionally thought that having a threeway with a woman and a bi guy would be sort of hot. I like the idea of fucking a guy while his woman watches, especially if he's her dom.
 
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SubAnna

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SubAnna, you haven't seen most of my posts, have you? Take a look through the past couple months of the forum. Some of my posts could easily be term papers.

Haha thanks.. I will do that.. Im always told that I need to limit myself.. Like a teacher of mine once said, "A true master knows how to limit themselves to the most crucial points and leave everything else unsaid"..
Ofc. she didn't know about doms/masters or the fact that Im not one, and probably never will be.:p I think, honestly, my most likely reaction given a whip would be, "tell me what to do with this?" :eek: ;) Lol..
 
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Darktruth

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Moving on to happier things :) Im really with you on the gender divide thing.. It is hard, because men are wired in a very strange way.. But actually, I find that a blessing sometimes..

Men are wired in a very simple way…you just haven’t seen the instruction manual yet. ;) :D Women probably come with an instruction manual as well but because we’re men we just throw it in the bin and go by the picture on the front…a bit like the way we do with flat pack stuff from IKEA. Lol.


I write very long, boring articles (for most people) that take me a week or so to research love…that really wasn’t a long post at all by my standards. I enjoy long posts to be honest. :D
 
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sebastian

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As a gay man, I tend to occupy a liminal position between the way men think and the way women think. I tend to understand both ways of thinking. But still have no idea how the two sides get together. The urge to reproduce must be amazingly strong, because I can't imagine how else men and women manage to build lasting relationships.
 
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SubAnna

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Men are wired in a very simple way…you just haven’t seen the instruction manual yet. ;) :D Women probably come with an instruction manual as well but because we’re men we just throw it in the bin and go by the picture on the front…a bit like the way we do with flat pack stuff from IKEA. Lol.


I write very long, boring articles (for most people) that take me a week or so to research love…that really wasn’t a long post at all by my standards. I enjoy long posts to be honest. :D

Hahaha, is this like when you refuse to read maps because, "Im like a compass woman".. "Yea, right, even I can tell we have been going in a circle for half an hour"..

Like science stuff? Well, anyways, as long as it is interesting for you.. :) I spend most of my day attempting to convince body builders that their 150 lbs weights do not go on the floor :mad: Lol. But no, my job is fine really, because I don't have to sit down all day long.. Being a student I do enough sitting as it is :)

Sebastian - I dont know whether it has to do with reproduction or not, but I dont find it that difficult to figure it out with men. As a bonus they are also very practical to have around.. :) They are very good at removing spiders. They are good at fixing things that dont work. They can reach things or open things.. They are like portable heaters.
Ofc. there are things that they do too which I just dont understand... But still it is really much harder for me to understand how male/male or woman/woman works.. Even though I have several gay friends who dont seem to have a problem, it still kind of puzzles me.
 
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SubAnna

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Dang! If I turned one more guy, I was gonna win a toaster.

You know, speaking of sharing, it's funny. I find female bits kind of icky, but I've occasionally thought that having a threeway with a woman and a bi guy would be sort of hot. I like the idea of fucking a guy while his woman watches, especially if he's her dom.

You dont think the sub would be a little weirded out by that? It might be a little strange to watch the person who usually dominates you bend-over-boyfriend-style.. Lol... But then again, this might be the entire turn on..:rolleyes: And if he is bi I guess he would like the occasional male encounter..
 
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