SubAnna
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sebastian - I actually get what you mean I think. I mean Im very ambivalent about it myself.. The easiest way I can explain it really is that it is really easy to distinguish between abuse and not abuse - I have had a bad experience (not with BDSM though, just a general thing), it is beyond easy to tell the difference. Just as it is easy to tell the difference between rape and sex. When somebody I know really well ties me up/slaps me around a little bit etc. I will just be like, "fantastic". I dont feel the least bit abused, more on the contrary.. It really just makes everything so much better - I believe I feel the same way about this type of stuff that some ppl. feel about oral sex. However, if somebody does anything against my will, or forces anything on me I feel abused.
It is really not so tricky if you know each other well, and you have 200 % trust in that person.. If there was even a sliver of doubt in me that he was not a good guy, then it is a totally different story.. If a random guy, or even just somebody I had not known for too long even attempted to pull any of that stuff I would run away screaming. You really want to find out whether he is an asshole BEFORE you are tied to his bed at 4am.
To me BDSM and even to some extent sex (I think that might just be me though) only belongs in relationships where you have established a serious amount of trust, and where you do it simply because it is fun.. I guess this may be because, like you said, there is a history of men abusing women...
So I guess what Im saying is that from my point of view I dont find it hard to tell the difference between kinkiness and abuse.. But then again, I do understand how it must look fucked up from somebody looking at it from the outside.. Im not really sure how to better explain it than this, or if this makes sense. It feels natural, or it feels wrong. Trust is vital in any relationship, and it is, at least from me, hard earned...
Now something that I might have issues with is the idea of actual and very hardcore (corporal/humiliating) punishment.. Punishment (and Im talking about the very heavy stuff) to me is something that is unwanted and uncomfortable (not the good pain). I have never really tried the serious stuff, but I think it would require a very special bond for me to be comfortable with anything like that. I know some people do it ofc., but sometimes I find it a little hard to understand.. Maybe you have try it in the right relationship before you know what it is like
Moving on to happier things Im really with you on the gender divide thing.. It is hard, because men are wired in a very strange way.. But actually, I find that a blessing sometimes..
(that is the emotional side - to mention the sexual.. Alpha males are a turn on - okay this may be stating the obvious seeing as my nickname is SUBAnna . At the same time Im just not turned on by girls..)
Additionally men's way of thinking can be a blessing sometimes.. If you can accept each other's differences I believe that opposites suit each other quite well. I mean look at how successful ying and yang are
I honestly think I would jump off a bridge if I married/had a long term romantic relationship with a girl. I love my girlfriends, and I would never be without them, but I need both..
As for the tear thing DarkTruth.. An ex-bf of mine - we would have a fight and he would just be stubborn like hell and refuse to budge even an inch (even if he was the asshole). Unless I ended up crying out of either frustration, anger or sadness.. Then he would turn around completely.. I never really understood why tears were so much more compelling than logic, common sense, apologies, trying to actually solve the problem.. Usually a guy being affected by tears would actually really give him thumbs up because it shows he cares, but this was just too much because he would ONLY "listen" to tears . Ofc. we also broke up so yea...
I have also known quite a few cases where a girl actually used this against her bf... Watch out
Okay Im gonna stop ranting now.. Im convinced I violated some forum rule with this long post I hope you stopped reading before boredom set it
It is really not so tricky if you know each other well, and you have 200 % trust in that person.. If there was even a sliver of doubt in me that he was not a good guy, then it is a totally different story.. If a random guy, or even just somebody I had not known for too long even attempted to pull any of that stuff I would run away screaming. You really want to find out whether he is an asshole BEFORE you are tied to his bed at 4am.
To me BDSM and even to some extent sex (I think that might just be me though) only belongs in relationships where you have established a serious amount of trust, and where you do it simply because it is fun.. I guess this may be because, like you said, there is a history of men abusing women...
So I guess what Im saying is that from my point of view I dont find it hard to tell the difference between kinkiness and abuse.. But then again, I do understand how it must look fucked up from somebody looking at it from the outside.. Im not really sure how to better explain it than this, or if this makes sense. It feels natural, or it feels wrong. Trust is vital in any relationship, and it is, at least from me, hard earned...
Now something that I might have issues with is the idea of actual and very hardcore (corporal/humiliating) punishment.. Punishment (and Im talking about the very heavy stuff) to me is something that is unwanted and uncomfortable (not the good pain). I have never really tried the serious stuff, but I think it would require a very special bond for me to be comfortable with anything like that. I know some people do it ofc., but sometimes I find it a little hard to understand.. Maybe you have try it in the right relationship before you know what it is like
Moving on to happier things Im really with you on the gender divide thing.. It is hard, because men are wired in a very strange way.. But actually, I find that a blessing sometimes..
(that is the emotional side - to mention the sexual.. Alpha males are a turn on - okay this may be stating the obvious seeing as my nickname is SUBAnna . At the same time Im just not turned on by girls..)
Additionally men's way of thinking can be a blessing sometimes.. If you can accept each other's differences I believe that opposites suit each other quite well. I mean look at how successful ying and yang are
I honestly think I would jump off a bridge if I married/had a long term romantic relationship with a girl. I love my girlfriends, and I would never be without them, but I need both..
As for the tear thing DarkTruth.. An ex-bf of mine - we would have a fight and he would just be stubborn like hell and refuse to budge even an inch (even if he was the asshole). Unless I ended up crying out of either frustration, anger or sadness.. Then he would turn around completely.. I never really understood why tears were so much more compelling than logic, common sense, apologies, trying to actually solve the problem.. Usually a guy being affected by tears would actually really give him thumbs up because it shows he cares, but this was just too much because he would ONLY "listen" to tears . Ofc. we also broke up so yea...
I have also known quite a few cases where a girl actually used this against her bf... Watch out
Okay Im gonna stop ranting now.. Im convinced I violated some forum rule with this long post I hope you stopped reading before boredom set it
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