Recognizing "your own"?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by SubAnna, May 25, 2010.

  1. SubAnna

    SubAnna Member

    I have now had a few people tell me that they can identify whether somebody is into BDSM.. And whether they are submissives or doms (whether they can tell with all the people who are in btw. I dont know ;))..
    What is your take on this? Do you think you could identify people just like that, and if so, what gives them away? Cause honestly, I dont think it is easy at all.. After all, there are so many different people in this lifestyle! Personally im very submissive, and surely sometimes I have found myself looking at somebody thinking that he may be into it :cool: But honestly, I have never tested such a theory and asked seeing as im wayyy too shy for that ;)
     
  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I've noticed that some sub guys have a distinctive look to their eyes. It's hard to describe, but it's a sort of hollow, hungry look, like they're begging me to use them. I've seen several subs who had exactly that look, and the other day I ran into a student on my campus who had those same eyes. I immediately thought "hmm, I wonder if he's a sub?"
     
  4. SubAnna

    SubAnna Member

    Interesting.. All though being a student that look could also signify a serious caffeine deficiency.. ;) I never really saw anybody and thought, damn that is a sub.. For me I tend to do it more with wondering if a guy is a dom.. Some men just have a certain attitude and you cant help but wonder if that attitude is something they would bring inside a bedroom.. But then again your role in daily life is not necessarily an indicator of what you enjoy sexually :) In fact sometimes they might even be opposites..
     
  5. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

    One of my first subs I only noticed, because of the wrists bruises she had with someone who didn't know how to use handcuffs.
     
  6. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    I've been able to tell just by looking at some people, but i think its more a part of being able to read body language and know what your looking at. some hide it well, some attempt to, others don't even know they are so obvious.
     
  7. Ms.sub13

    Ms.sub13 Member

    Some people have all the toys but they have never heard of bdsm. Are you sure she knew what it was? Maybe she is into it and never realized it. Everyone should just have a key chain with the symbol to make it easy.
     
  8. SubAnna

    SubAnna Member

    Quite a lot of "subcultures" (in lack of a better word) actually have systems like that.. They wear something to recognize each other.. I know gay people for instance have a rainbow bracelet (whether they use it to identify each other i dont know). But once I actually saw a girl wear a necklace that looked a bit like the BDSM emblem, but Im pretty sure she had no idea what it meant.. But then again, you never know :)
     
  9. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Well, of course there's gaydar, which virtually all gay men and lesbians have to some extent. It's really mysterious. I honestly can't say how it works. But I'll look at a guy and think "there's something about the way he's holding his mouth" or "his hair and clothes are just so" and then I'll know there's a good chance he's queer. It's not infallible, but it's enough to start suspicions. Thus far, I haven't developed 'subdar', although as I said, there does seem to be something about some subs' eyes.
     
  10. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    I would most agree with Sebastian that there is a chemistry when I meet a sub, and I usually can tell, not by looking at them but by the conversations we drift into over the first 5 or so minutes. There's always some funny little remark or joke that would lead you one way or another.
    Over time I've come to believe that "We know our own".... Then someone surprises me.
    Go figure.
     
  11. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

    No matter how much you and I think about stuff, it is still taboo in a lot of the world. Many people will not admit, even if they think they are safe.
     
  12. SubAnna

    SubAnna Member

    Sometims I think that people make jokes that are sometimes quite serious.. Because I mean, if people dont follow you, you can always back out and be like "wtv, it was a joke"... :) Although, I know of no BDSM jokes, Im pretty damn sure there must be some.. ;) BDSM is a taboo, but still, I think many people are a little curious/intrigued?
     
  13. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

    People see the extreme, not the norm of the culture, so I can see the fear of bringing it up and mixed venues.

    The times I have had good talks, it was very eye opening to folks.
     
  14. SubAnna

    SubAnna Member

    Yes.. I wouldn't bring it up most places actually.. But maybe that is because im still new at all this? Generally a lot of people just dont talk about sex.. And if that is a taboo, then ofc so is BDSM. :)
    Nice if you can change people's perceptions I guess, there must be quite a bit of prejudice surrounding it..
     
  15. Boundperil

    Boundperil Member

    It would be nice to change peoples minds, open them up more. I guess I just don't have that kind of time LOL I've introduced a lot of people over the years, slowly, some have taken to it, some have not.

    Like stated, people have a different view of things then what is reality, and that probably has a lot to do with videos and being with someone who has no idea what they are doing, but claims they do.
     

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