subarama30
Member
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Whilst I have some childhood abuse (non-family related) and definately had a controlling father who I grew up afraid of (we are ok now though) I don't think anyone would have said that I was anything but IN control of things for most of my life, I was very much a leader and not a follower. I was a protector of weaker children and some might say dominant. I had many people as a teenager who told me they found me intimidating or were afraid to piss me off.
From a very young age I was treated and seen as an adult, I was always tall for my age and could pass for older than I was so I got used to responding appropriately when dealing with people in general.
I was always attracted to older and strong male figures and was aware of this at a young age. Funnily when watching movies I would often find myself attracted to the males in the film who were considered the 'baddie', even if I wouldn't usually find the actor attractive in a normal setting or in another movie, once he was playing a bad guy or psycho I was turned on. I realised then I might have a problem
My low self esteem and depression in my teens certainly enabled men to take advantage of me. I agree with Sebastion in that being overweight can make you feel like you have to take what is given to you, a sense of powerlessness in finding partners. It was as though I had to fit into a sub-group of society where normal rules did not apply to be accepted - as generally in the fetish world things like weight/age/status etc do not carry the same impact as in day-to-day life, as for some people it is not the person that is attractive but the fetish itself or the act they are partipating in. I know this does not apply in al cases but a lot in my experience.
There is definately a sense of wanting to give up control sexually in a way I never would normally, of wanting decision making to be someone else's problem. A dominant male represents protection and safety for me too, even if that person has the potential to cause me harm. I also enjoy the element of the unexpected. A D/s relationship is anything but boring, there is no standard missionary for 10 mins and then roll over, I enjoy the variety and passion that bondage brings.
So in summary (after all that rambling) I would say that I don't think of being submissive as a mental illness and I don't think it a by-product of the modern world in that homosexuality or feeling trapped in the wrong gender is not a 'new' craze. I think things have always been around but simply that it is acknowledged more readily these days.
I think attention can come into it, in that a Dom has their full focus on the sub in that moment and to a certain extent 'needs' you in order to derive their own satisfaction.
I do not think, however, that it is always as difficult to figure out what makes a sub tick as anyone else. I think 'normal' people can be far more complex and I'm sure a lot of men will tell you that even vanilla sex can be a minefield when trying to get a woman (or man) off (properly that is!).
From a very young age I was treated and seen as an adult, I was always tall for my age and could pass for older than I was so I got used to responding appropriately when dealing with people in general.
I was always attracted to older and strong male figures and was aware of this at a young age. Funnily when watching movies I would often find myself attracted to the males in the film who were considered the 'baddie', even if I wouldn't usually find the actor attractive in a normal setting or in another movie, once he was playing a bad guy or psycho I was turned on. I realised then I might have a problem
My low self esteem and depression in my teens certainly enabled men to take advantage of me. I agree with Sebastion in that being overweight can make you feel like you have to take what is given to you, a sense of powerlessness in finding partners. It was as though I had to fit into a sub-group of society where normal rules did not apply to be accepted - as generally in the fetish world things like weight/age/status etc do not carry the same impact as in day-to-day life, as for some people it is not the person that is attractive but the fetish itself or the act they are partipating in. I know this does not apply in al cases but a lot in my experience.
There is definately a sense of wanting to give up control sexually in a way I never would normally, of wanting decision making to be someone else's problem. A dominant male represents protection and safety for me too, even if that person has the potential to cause me harm. I also enjoy the element of the unexpected. A D/s relationship is anything but boring, there is no standard missionary for 10 mins and then roll over, I enjoy the variety and passion that bondage brings.
So in summary (after all that rambling) I would say that I don't think of being submissive as a mental illness and I don't think it a by-product of the modern world in that homosexuality or feeling trapped in the wrong gender is not a 'new' craze. I think things have always been around but simply that it is acknowledged more readily these days.
I think attention can come into it, in that a Dom has their full focus on the sub in that moment and to a certain extent 'needs' you in order to derive their own satisfaction.
I do not think, however, that it is always as difficult to figure out what makes a sub tick as anyone else. I think 'normal' people can be far more complex and I'm sure a lot of men will tell you that even vanilla sex can be a minefield when trying to get a woman (or man) off (properly that is!).
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