i have some questions about techniques...

mabalder · Jul 7, 2011

hello, my girl is really into this so i want to learn as much as i can to accomedate to her. basically im the master type and shes the slave. what are some punishments/rewards that are used

? i dont really have any clue about how to do it

so.... any help would be appreciated ^^

Smallest · Jul 8, 2011

Is this her first D/s relationship too? If she's been in one before, she might be able to give you an idea what she likes, which we could build on. Likewise, she'll have a pretty clear idea of her limits. Are you 24/7, or just in the bedroom? I'm assuming bedroom for now, since it seems that way.

You'd do well to check the newcomer's FAQ, for safety tips and more ideas.

Some ideas- light bondage (legs to bedposts, hands behind back, nothing to intricate or dangerous to start), blindfolding (a scarf works fine), spanking (with your hand, a belt, or whatever you have) and so on. Likewise, sex or whatever else when you want it. Make her accommodate to you. If you want vanilla sex one day, then she's submitting just as much by doing what you want.

Talk to your girlfriend a lot. Figure out some safe words, so she can call out in pain if she needs without stopping you, or likewise, can clearly stop you if she's scared or in pain. explore what you think might turn you on, and figure out what does for her, but always always communicate, that's what's most important.

mabalder · Jul 8, 2011

ive talked to her and we both want it to be a 24/7 thing. and no, ill be her first d/s relationship. ive been reading some sights and we got some ground rules. she's not afraid of telling me what she thinks thankfully. thanks for some ideas mate.

tarthrin · Jul 8, 2011

Another good starting point is to go over a "BDSM Checklist".

I searched google for a starting point and combined a couple into one big list with descriptions. I have attached a copy to this post.

It helped my wife and I. I was afraid some of the things I wanted did not appeal to her, but it turned out I was surprised on many items.

Each of you should fill one out separately. Then compare notes.

(If the attachment doesn't work, just PM me and I can send it that way.)

sebastian · Jul 8, 2011

24/7 is fairly advanced play. If neither of you have any experience in this, I recommend against it. Spend some time where you're only doing bdsm in the bedroom, to get used to the basic ideas. Then start expanding out from there. Trust me, as a dom you have a lot to master just in the bedroom without trying to be responsible for her around the clock.

Smallest · Jul 9, 2011

That's what I was thinking, Seb.

As well as it not exactly being beginner play and everything else Sebastian said, you seem rather unsure of yourself, so you'd probably benefit from some experimenting and negotiating for a while before moving up to 24/7.

It's good you've been reading up, it helps with ideas and safety.

Scarlet · Jul 9, 2011

tarthrin said:
Another good starting point is to go over a "BDSM Checklist".

I searched google for a starting point and combined a couple into one big list with descriptions. I have attached a copy to this post.

It helped my wife and I. I was afraid some of the things I wanted did not appeal to her, but it turned out I was surprised on many items.

Each of you should fill one out separately. Then compare notes.

(If the attachment doesn't work, just PM me and I can send it that way.)

Thank you so much for that! This list is so incredibly useful for me and my partner! We're trying to see where our kinks resonate and it's been a challenge but this will clear up a lot.

sebastian · Jul 9, 2011

the number one most important trait a dom can have is confidence. It's hard to be confident when you're just starting out, learning basic techniques, adjusting to the privileges and responsibilities of being in charge, and making sense of what you feel and what your partner feels. And if you get off on the wrong foot in 24/7, it will take a lot of effort to get back on track. You're better off going slowly.

I've owned my boy since Feb, and I'm still realizing that I'm making mistakes when I plan play sessions. I've managed to forget one of his limits, I've managed to assume something would work out with thinking it through, I've blundered into emotional minefields of his, and on one occasionally I ignored what was best for him in favor of what I wanted, with catastrophic results emotionally. So 24/7 is difficult. It can be very rewarding, but think of it as a goal you're moving toward rather than a place to start

i have some questions about techniques...

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