Finding a third female for my master - Help!

Precious · May 11, 2010

You're posts do defiantly make me feel better, as always everyone on this forum just worries for everyone's safety since, as fun and amazing this lifestyle can be, it comes with its dangers. But please do keep up posted on how everything goes!

Sparrow69 · May 11, 2010

BG, while i understand that your dom of choice may have been doing "this" for 5 years, that doesn't nessasrily mean he's doing it right. Their is a methodology and a sociology behind everything a dom does and doesn't do, and I'm telling you from experience, that as its been pointed out, there are many red flags. Now don't get me wrong, im not a naysayer or wishing to rain on anyones parade, in fact I generally wish everyone the best. We all have our kinks and our own chains to rattle, my goal is to make sure you don't end up with such a negative experience in the long run, that you no longer wish to rattle those proverbial chains.
I'm in agreeance that things have progressed rather fast in your short period of time, and since were only seeing your side of the relationship, we have to take everything on the value of what you say, and in those statements the red flags of an unfamiliar dom "playing" at bdsm are apparent.
Here are some questions to ask, so that you can be more at ease; and if the answers aren't to your liking, don't be afraid to walk away and find a new dom. Believe me, their are many of us out there, just be sure you know exactly what your looking for and dont be impatient, trust me, you'll find it.

1) understanding he's been doing this for 5 years, how long was his longest engagement?
2) how long was the shortest?
3) how many has he had in 5 years?

These will help you determine how serious he is about a subs happiness. It helps you, as a potential new sub to determine if he generally cares about you, or if this is more for his self gratification.

4)Can you talk to some of his old subs?

this can be for a few reasons.
a) to see if you can gather some tips on how to please him
b) to see if you fit the profile of his previous subs
c) to see if their are any negative statements about how they were treated

these may help you to see a recurring pattern. If they say he moved fast, or they felt pressured, or they were inexperienced, well, you get the picture...

5) if its your fantasy to be in a ffm threesome, then why is it not being done on your time table?

having it forced on you, no matter how much of a fantasy of yours it is, will make it a less enjoyable time. a month isnt enough time to select a partner who not only is comfortable enough with you, but also your dom, and be willing enough to join both of you in bed. Most relationships take weeks if not months to build the kind of trust your discussing, and anyone willing to rush into it is simply another red flag.

L8NightQ · May 13, 2010

Hey bg -

This was on a pretty fast track. Just wondering, how's it going?

Ms.sub13 · May 22, 2010

Hey bg-
Welcome to the forum. I have some advice and questions after reading all three pages of this thread. My first sexual experience was abusive and most after that. My first one was not what I had planned. The second one I learned over time I liked bdsm and even though the Sir had been doing bdsm for years and said all the right things he really didnt care how I felt. That is how I got hurt in this time of relationship. It can go bad really fast with you left wondering what happend. If you want more info just pm me. I thought he was great but he made a left turn along the way. I am not saying your Master is like that but since you are new it just something you have to watch out for. As a sub/slave we rely on our Master/doms/sirs to know what is best for us and we trust them when we are in our most vulnerable state. (tied up and exposed). We trust them not to hurt us. I have a couple of questions also.

1) Why did his last subs leave?
2) Did he let them go or did they move on?
3) What makes him mad?
4) Can he control himself when extremely mad?
5) Are you ever afraid of him? (At any time)
6) Have you come up with a safe word yet or do you plan on not using one?

I know they are weird questions but they are important when you are new. I have been into bdsm for 6 years and I am still learning everyday. Thats why I love this forum. About your fantasy. It is a good one. I have done it. I was single at the time. And joined in with another bdsm couple who fantasized about having a girl to do what they want to. It was alot of fun. But they didn't specify what they wanted out of it. He ended up wanting to add me in as his second sub but his main sub didn't know that was what he wanted. Made it kind of awkward to go around them after that. I specified this was a one time thing from me. But they should have been on the same level. They didn't talk enough before jumping right in. They were together three years before they actually brought another female in. Master and I have been together for almost three years now and he wants me to find another girl to bring in. I understand how you feel worried that you are not enough. It hurts my feelings even though it is a turn on. I explained how I felt and Master said we can do it when I am ready but it is something he wants to try. Feel free to ask me any questions. I don't claim to know everything because even for doing this for six years I still feel inexperienced at times. Sparrow is a great friend to ask questions to also. I will try to answer to the best of my knowledge. Again welcome to the forum and in the bdsm lifestyle safe sex isnt just using a condom.

Sleepy · May 22, 2010

Experience doesn't come from the length of time one performs an action. I can tighten and loosen a spring in a clock over and over, that won't make me a master horologist, instead it will weaken the clock's integrity. Five years might sound impressive, he might know how to flog properly and tie some fancy knots, but does that make him always right? No.

I'm new to this myself, my girl and I have been discussing how we're going to do things from the start, and we have plans that won't come into fruition for years, however we want things to last. Sometimes being in a D/s relationship mirrors any other relationship from how I see it. There's a huge similarity in making sure everyone is happy, and if there's a reason someone isn't happy it gets resolved. It sounds to me like you're not happy as it is, and that needs to be resolved. It can be resolved one of two ways, the positive or the negative. The positive way is discussing things and finding suitable limits then abiding by said limits, or the negative is for you to simply roll over and accept things, until he gets bored enough to follow through with his threats of releasing you.

I might be wrong, as I said I'm new to this too, but that's just how I see it from my position.

Boundperil · May 22, 2010

I'm new to this site, but not the lifestyle. After reading all of this, I have to say I'm still cautious with where you should proceed too. There is no set rules or time line, however, this seemed very rushed to me. Please don't take it that I'm putting down your Dom and you have to defend, like I said, it is all at different paces.

Five years really isn't a long time in my opinion. I'm 2o years into this, and I still don't have the answers and still learn something all the time.

The collaring thing doesn't bother me as much as the rushed feeling I'm getting from your posting of him. Those types of fantasies should be some time down the road, not within a month of you becoming his sub. My last sub, we didn't get through basic stuff for about 8 months, and she was very eager.

Also, what was the experience level of the person you were talking too? Why did they leave? Sometimes, people don't match, but we are so eager to belong we fall for the wrong person for our own reasons. Don't fall into that trap, it is easy to do.

You have come to a good place, I'm glad I've found this board because of the posting alone in this thread. Good people.

Finding a third female for my master - Help!

Precious

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Sparrow69

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L8NightQ

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Ms.sub13

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Sleepy

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Boundperil

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