growing emotions for new master

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by WPOS, Dec 17, 2012.

  1. WPOS

    WPOS New Member


    i am still very new to BDSM. i have found my first Master, and I have had some of the most pleasurable experiences of my life serving him and being his plaything. We have negotiated some very basic rules. i am trying very hard to please him. i try very hard to be open and honest with Master. The more we play and the more i serve him, the stronger emotions i feel towards him.

    Because of the trust, respect, adoration and fear that i have for my Master, i keep finding myself coming closer and closer to falling in love with him. i'm finding it very difficult to broach this subject with Master.

    i would appreciate any help you can give in how to bring this topic up to Master. i'm scared that because i can't control my emotions, Master will find me unworthy. i'm unsure if this is even appropriate for a slave to feel towards his Master.

    Thank you.
  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I don't have any great suggestions on how to bring it up, but a few things to say.

    Whether it is appropriate depends on your relationship. Many (maybe most) masters love their subs/slaves/pets, so it certainly isn't inappropriate in that context. If your Master intended the relationship to be purely physical, it may be a bit problematic, especially if he doesn't feel the same (as it would also be in a vanilla relationship).
  3. I think Sebastian commented on a similar situation recently.

    From my perspective there are a couple of possibilities. actually are falling in love with him. It happens :) may be experiencing strong emotions for somebody who is fulfilling a sexual need for you and interpreting these emotions as love. That's perfectly understandable.

    I'm not trying to trivialize your feelings with this second option - this kind of emotion can be very strong, especially if your fantasies have been building up over several years.

    I've been in a similar situation with a lady many years ago and I made a complete idiot of myself - telling her I was head over heels in love with her, etc. She was actually a good friend, but she only wanted a sexual relationship. The end result was that she broke it off between us, and I was pretty upset about it.

    About ten years after it happened she and I happened to meet up at a conference and we had a beer for old times' sake (she was happily married at that point). She told me that she had actually started to feel something more than sexual for me, but because I was all "I love you more than life itself!" it scared the crap out of her :)

    So I think you need to be very careful about scaring this guy off unless you're confident that he feels the same way about you. Hopefully there's no rush...and you can take your time about making sure your own feelings are really "love", and that he is feeling something similar.

    I hope that helps.

  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Doing BDSM involves becoming vulnerable to your dom. That physical vulnerability often leads to emotional vulnerability as well. That's part of the point, in my view. Because subs are emotionally exposed, they don't put up the same barriers that we normally do. Combine that with the sex and the fantasy/desire fulfillment, and it's very normal for subs to develop strong feelings for their doms. As Stanley points out, these feelings may or may not be 'true' love--you'll have to sort that out, keeping in mind that this might be infatuation rather than love.

    But I think you should tell your dom. At least, if you were my sub, I would want to know. I expect my subs to be honest and open about their feelings, and I allow them to talk about whatever their feelings are, because to me, BDSM is about being honest and open about our desires and fears. So I would tell your master that you're developing strong feelings for him. Explain that you don't know yet if it's just infatuation, a reaction to all the pleasure, or something more serious, but that you felt as your master, he should know what you are feeling. Approaching it that way should indicate that you're not just going crazy gaga for him, but are capable of thinking about your emotions in an adult way.
  5. boyJay

    boyJay New Member

    I can speak from experience on this topic.

    I've been learning BDSM (through the very patient tutelage of my Master) for about a month. It's my first experience with it, so I can relate to the newness. I feel very priveldged that my Master has earned my trust, respect, adoration and worship. He is very open and honest with me. Although sometimes very difficult, I am open and honest with him.

    This degree of honesty was something that I never found in a vanilla relationship. The honesty and openness although very comforting, can also mess your head and emotions. not so long ago, I was honest with my Master; told him that my emotions were strong for him. I was also very confused by my emotions for Master. He fulfills needs, that till a month ago, I never accepted that I had. I can completely sympathize with how confusing all these new emotions can be.

    My best advice would be to try to analyze your emotions, and define them. If it is love, realize that there are different types of love, and different ways to express love. I know that actually talking with Master helped me. If you don't feel comfortable asking as his slave, try asking for some "equal time" to bring it up to your Master.

    I also want to say that BDSM is about fulfilling needs. Not only physical and sexual. but also emotional. If you are not having all your needs met, then this may not be the right master for you.

  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    boyJay is my slave in training, and his insights might be particularly helpful for you, WPOS. His situation is similar to yours in several ways.
  7. Trixie

    Trixie New Member

    I can greatly appreciate what you are going through. I to am very emotionally involved with my master. I don't know if it's because he is my first master, if it's because we previously had a vanilla relationship, if he's fulfilling a need i recently discovered or a combination of it all. All I know is that when I am serving him, I feel like I am overflowing with passion and the intensity is something I have never felt!!! and when we are not "playing" or together, I long to be in the position to please him!! As far as telling him, I'm kinda scared as well, but he has told me that he can read my emotions in my eyes, that I give it all away when he looks into them. Perhaps he already knows how I feel, and perhaps your master does as well but just hasn't said anything.

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