Advice about my Master

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by SpiritedSub, Jul 26, 2008.

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  1. SpiritedSub

    SpiritedSub New Member

    MIRROR: Download from MEGA

    i was collared by my Master 4 months ago. W/we are in a long-distance relationship for the time being; i need to finish up my career commitments before relocating to Him next month, which He granted me permission to do. i am deeply in love with my Master, but lately He has been acting crazy. He constantly accuses me of cheating or talking to other doms, logs into my e-mail, reads everything, logs into my online phone bill, calls every number on the list to see who i am talking to, etc. i have never given Him a reason to mistrust me. i have been nothing but faithful to Him for the past four months... yet He screams and yells and treats me like crap; not the same Man i was collared by four months ago. When W/we are together, everything is bliss; but this distance is killing U/us. i am so stressed out that i cry every day. He knows this and does His best to comfort me, but then goes right back into the same behaviors. i am growing less attracted to Him because i believe that insecurity is a quality that should not be in a lifestyle Master. i told Him i want release because i can not take the stress of his skepticism and mistrust. He says He is in love with me and wants to own and dominate me for life. Can anyone offer advice? i would especially be interested in hearing from other subs/slaves, especially those with experience. i am at my wit's end. i am getting physically sick from the stress and the screaming and the abuse. Please help!!!
  2. Stargazer

    Stargazer Member

    MIRROR: Download from MEGA

    You may be in a D/s relationship, but it is still a relationship. Also bear in mind that at only four months together your relationship is barely beyond fetus stage. It takes time to fully explore another persons behaviour patterns, thought processes and how they're going to react to any given situation.

    So any way, back to what I was going to say... It is still a relationship, and a relationship can only work, D/s or no D/s, if both parties have respect and trust for each other.

    You may love him, you may think you love him, or you may just be infatuated. Only you can answer that for sure but you need to spend lots of time looking within. You must be absolutely certain though because while it is a very tough thing to determine for sure, especially after such a short period together, it will hurt terribly if you make the wrong decision.

    If you decide to stick with him and it turns out that you weren't as in love as you think, you'll end up emotionally hurt and weakened by the ordeal. you'll feel used and trodden on and I've seen friends end up that way... It ain't a pretty sight.

    If you decide to leave him and give it a go with someone else, usually the damage is done and if you find that nobody else gives what he could, it is often nigh on impossible to have that person back.

    Could he be testing you? Could he be checking to see if you really love him? Granted, it's a really seriously fucked up way of finding out such a thing but some people have even stranger methods.

    You also say that he wants to own and dominate you for life... Is there a hint of megalomania there or is he for real? you see, this is flying warning flags in the sense that if he wants to dominate and control but do it using intimidation and and fear, he is just a freak and a dangerous one at that.

    If he wants to guide you through life as a dominant partner, but always with a small amount of 'slack on the leash' so to speak, then he would be able to have the trust that you can understand the difference between right and wrong for yourself, and respect you enough to allow you to still be an individual human being, albeit under his supervision.

    If you want out, you want out. If he really cares for you, then he must let you go. It will hurt him to do so but it will hurt both of you if he forces you into something you don't want.

    Again, this all comes down to how you really feel about him. Find your sanctuary. A solitary quiet place. Put on some quiet music that helps you to concentrate. Sit or lay down, get comfortable and then close your eyes and really feel whats going on inside of you. After a couple of hours, you'll hopefully feel a clarity that so often is lost in the busy, chaotic and thoughtless world around us, and maybe even find some answers to your questions in the process.

    All the very best,

    Good luck.
  3. SpiritedSub

    SpiritedSub New Member

    MIRROR: Download from MEGA

    Thanks for your advice... ultimately, I know you're right, but the decision is just so hard.
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