MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Yeah, we get lots of questions about online play and long-distance training, and most of them are some version of "what can I have my online sub do?" This is a natural question; large numbers of kinksters meet online these days, and few of them are close enough to meet right away. But I find the question a real challenge to work with for a couple reasons.
1) I suspect that most online 'relationships' aren't real. Usually one person wants it to be real and the other is just exploring or idly playing around, with no real commitment. Obviously that's not the case with you two.
2) Usually, the dom is looking for ideas to satisfy the sub's desire for something. I think that's a wrong approach. As I indicated above, I think that turns domming into giving the sub make-work. This sort of sabotages the development of the dom's dominance, because the dom is trying to artificially give commands instead of letting the commands emerge from their genuine desires. To be truly dominant, a dom has to learn to give their wants and desires priority over the sub's wants and desires, and this question is pretty much all about satisfying the sub's needs rather than the dom's. That's why I answered the way I did in my second response. So let me rephrase my answer:
You're thinking about dominance wrong. Don't worry so much about making her feel controlled and don't worry so much about figuring out ways to punish her. In my opinion, needing to actually punish a sub is a sign something is going wrong. (Yes, I know you mean play punishments...) Instead, Sultry, focus on you and your needs. What do you want Alice to be doing while you're gone? What do you think Alice needs to be doing to make your life better and easier? Because to be really successful at domming, you need to realize that this relationship is about you and not her. So don't ask what you can do for her, ask what she can do for you.
Don't get me wrong; Alice's needs and desires are incredibly important. She has to enjoy what's happening. If she doesn't, she'll eventually become unhappy and leave, and nobody wants that. But to learn to be dominant in a way that feels genuine, honest, real, and powerful, and not just an act or something kinky you do, you need to awaken the part of you that is selfish and me-first and then learn how to be selfish in a way that gives Alice pleasure. Dominance is about being selfish altruistically (and submission is about learning to be altruistic selfishly). Put differently, dominance is about learning to give through taking, and submission is about learning to take through giving.
So I ask again, what can Alice do to make your life better while you two are apart? Do you want to wake up to a romantic email or a sexy pic of her? Then make her send one every day. Do you want to know that she's thinking about you? Then require her to text you a couple times of day and ask how you're doing? Is there something you think Alice needs to do that she's not good at doing, like lose some weight or work toward a bachelor's degree? Then give her orders to stay on a diet or take a class. Do you want to come home to a sexy, fit sub? Then order her to work out regularly. Do you want to come home to a spotless apartment? Then give her a cleaning schedule to stick to.
This isn't about her need to have sexy fun while you're gone. This should be about your need to be in charge of her and to shape and guide her life. A sub is supposed to be focused on a master's needs and wants. When the master is gone, the sub doesn't get to have sexy fun, because sexy fun is something the master gets; the sub gets sexy fun through the process of the master getting it. Yes, sometimes I beat my slave because he likes to be beaten and I'm doing it because I want to hold up my end of the bargain, but overall I work to get comfortable with the idea that this really is about me. If you can learn to be genuinely dominant, then Alice will feel genuinely dominated; she'll feel your will as a guiding principle in her life, and she'll feel wonderful that she's genuinely serving you. She will feel pleasure knowing that she's giving you pleasure and making your life easier.
At least, this is how dominance works for me, and it seems to be the way submission works for the guys I attract. I can't swear it will work for you, because your psyches might be different. But it's the best guidance I have to give on this. Playing games online has never worked for me, because it never made me feel in control in anything but a superficial way.
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