Finding a third female for my master - Help!

Precious · May 9, 2010

BG, there is something I have learned from growing up, take things slow. The only reason for rush is when you're afraid it won't last. If he truly did collar you and you're in this for the long run, best way to show him you're ready is by letting it go slow and take each step as it comes; if you have this urge to jump head first into all this then you're most likely afraid you and him wont last long enough to get there in due course.

BitchGirl · May 10, 2010

I think you make quite a valid point. I talked to him again about taking it a bit faster and he told he he'd release me if I kept jumping the gun. I think that made me realize that i want to take this a day at a time and go at the speed he thinks is appropriate. He's much more experienced than I am and I need to trust him more.

He did tell me that he wants to bring the other woman into the bedroom in about a month and it kinda hurt my feelings. I feel like I'm not enough already. I know it is for my fantasy, but he kept talking about how excited he is to spice things up. I've been collared since Tuesday. Do we already need another person to make the experience better so soon? There isn't really a question here, I guess I'm just venting.

sebastian · May 10, 2010

BG, remember that even experienced subs are allowed to set limits to what they do. So if you don't feel comfortable with playing with another sub, tell him that. It sounds like you're rather confused about your situation at the moment.

Your master collared you very soon after you started with doing BDSM, and now he's threatening to release you if you aren't obedient even though he hasn't given you the training you need to accomplish that. On the surface, it's good that he wants to go slow, but his idea of going slow is waiting a month for a threesome? To me, his threat seems aimed more at simply intimidating you than training you. He collared (married) you way too early into your relationship and now he's theatening to release (divorce) you. To me, he seems like a Dom who doesn't really know what he's doing or isn't very concerned with your needs. He's using extreme methods when subtlety is called for: he's using a butcher's cleaver when he just needs a scapel to remove a mole.

handcuff_freak · May 10, 2010

I'm new to this. I'm glad there is a pro like Sebastian around! I agree with him as well.

sebastian · May 10, 2010

Handcuff, thanks for the vote of confidence, but I've only being doing this stuff since December, so I'm very aware that I'm a novice. Sparrow is far more experienced than I am. But I've read a lot and I have a good grasp of basic psychology, which goes a very long way in BDSM. And I've seen one or two examples of how not to play in the social groups I've moved in.

BitchGirl · May 10, 2010

Sebastian, you've hit the nail on the head. I am confused. One day, I am totally up for bringing in another woman to the bedroom. In fact, its a turn on. But other days, like yesterday and today, the thought of another female makes me think that I'm not enough for my master.
I also feel like I'm not talking him up enough. He (at least from what I can tell) cares about me and what I do. He listens to me. He makes me feel wanted. I'm pretty sure he knows what he's doing. Maybe I'm the one that just needs to suck it up and do what he says. I think I'm letting my emotions get in the way and I'm embarrassed that is happening so soon... we only met last week.

sluttysub · May 10, 2010

I'm far from experienced, but in my opinion, it's too soon to bring in another sub. For now, the two of you need spend time getting to know and trust each other. There are so many things for a new Master and sub relationship to focus on without bringing in the added stress and work. This doesn't mean that it can't happen down the road, but for now, it sounds as though things need to move a little slower. Talk to him, tell him your concerns and explain that while you're definitely interested, you're not sure your relationship is quite ready for this.

If you only met last week, it is, by my standards, far too soon for such a big step.

My Love My Lord · May 10, 2010

ok, You only met last week... You're already addressing him and treating him as "Master", AND he already wants to bring in another sub before he can even BEGIN to understand you! There are so many red flags here I dont know where to begin...

So, lets go in some sort of order here...

Maybe this is my own personal little perspective here, but, it takes a HELL of a LOT for someone to earn enough respect from me for me to call them Master. It kinda goes hand in hand with accepting a collar. Big freaking step there!

Ok though, thats my own personal little 2 cents...

You already considering yourself his sub. If you have only known this man a week, you dont really know him, nor does he know you. The fact that he would even attempt to exert any dominance over you after so little time tells me that while he may put on a front of caring, he doesnt. What Im reading here is that the only thing he's a master of is manipulation.

THEN, to even think of bringing in another when there's no possible way he can even really know or understand YOU yet only confirms my suspicions.

I hate to be this blunt, but there are so many red flags here, so Im just going to say it. I think you're in a bad situation. He's manipulating you and I think thats part of the reasons your emotions are all over the place. You dont know whats really or have the confidence or security in the relationship yet that you need to have. I really recommend taking a step back and looking at the situation from an outsides point of view.

sebastian · May 10, 2010

Bitchgirl, the consensus on the forum is that your master has moved way too fast and is not demonstrating appropriate skill. But you seem confident that he is appropriately in control. So let's assume for the moment that you're correct, since you're there and we're not. But even if we grant you this assumption, the basic issue is that you're really confused. The threesome excites you to some extent, but it makes you very apprehensive. My advice is to talk to your master, thank him for being willing to indulge your fantasy, but tell him that you're not ready for that fantasy yet. It scares you too much and is creating confusion about your relationship with him. Ask him to wait on this fantasy until your confusion subsides.

Sado_Dom · May 10, 2010

BitchGirl said:
Maybe I'm the one that just needs to suck it up and do what he says. I think I'm letting my emotions get in the way and I'm embarrassed that is happening so soon... we only met last week.

Sometimes emotion is what is best to go off of. If you feel that him wanting this makes you feel you're not enough maybe that is how it is. Don't just suck it up. Just because you are a slave doesn't mean you aren't a human anymore. You still have rights. Like sebastian says, talk to your master about this again, he seems like hes nice and caring enough that he will understand.

Finding a third female for my master - Help!

Precious

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BitchGirl

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sebastian

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handcuff_freak

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sebastian

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BitchGirl

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sluttysub

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My Love My Lord

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sebastian

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Sado_Dom

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