am i the oddest leaf in the history of bdsm...?...

Flingress · Jun 19, 2009

sowwy... that would not fulfil anything for me... youre soo off the mark ezra...
i dont need to be beaten to have sex, like red sonja. in fact sex is mostly irrelevant.
sex may or may not be added into the game... no prob as long as i like my posture while doing it.
and i dont think im a true masochist at that.
my fear threshold is eerily high. my pain one is equally low. its easy to make me scream. but that wont scare me one bit.
what i need to see in myself is endurance... and pain is just a means to that end.
the absence or presence of sex is not a reward or punishment for me. its kinda not even related directly with my kink. (am i making sense here?)

in short, the scene you describe kinda stirs me a little, but probably for different reasons than yours.
ill have no objection to my bigger opponent beating me up and fucking me later... if... i like the way i react and the posture im kept in.
thats where MY key is turned.

EZRA · Jun 20, 2009

It was worth a shot at least I amused pyroaquatic.

I think I see a little better what your after here.
you've used the word (posture) more than once, Is this in the actual physical placement of your body or is it more about your composure, you stoicism, your state of mind.

I think I'm getting the picture that your "kink" is about your own reaction to a threat your turned on by your own ability to retain your dignity in spite of failure or loss or pain.

To be honest that seems like more a charicter traite than a "kink"(unless I'm confused)
A strong desier to test your self , and your self control.and the reward of selfesteem for "making the grade" as the English put it.
But Ive been wrong about you befor.
so tell me if I'm getting close.
and I'm really not THAT much of a pig........................ok yes I am.

Flingress · Jun 20, 2009

it is posture as in both. my state of mind, my composure, the degree of my stoicism all count.
and the physical placement of my body is also very relevant.
when i get lifted or twisted into a degrading bodily shape, my mind gets stuck with that fact like a programmed tactile missile.
if i cannot remedy that at once and get back to a more dignified way of presenting my physical self, then all excitement is lost for me.

i guess this is bcs im kinda easier turned off than on. anything can blow my urges off. so if im going to take pleasure from sex, first i feel the need to keep the irritation of humilies out of my way.

i think its more of a kink then a character trait, bcs theres a place that i go in my mind when no degradation interferes, and oh boy would i or anyone else love to stay there for all eternity.

remember the sweet tingle i described at the very beginning of this topic? the one that makes me positively melt in the very core?
thats where i get, if and when i see myself enduring threats and the way those threats are carried out.
its a multi-dimensional pleasure and satisfaction from sex and life and everything else, which is hard to put into three-dimensional words anyway. and if that is not a kink, i dont know what else is.

but i must admit, youre getting close, ezra. more than most ppl ive tried to explain my stuff.
so pig or not, i think ill take it.

EZRA · Jun 21, 2009

Good, progress
I get the feeling this is more about you ,your reactions plus the way your treated by your partner/opponent.
I get the impression that sex is part of it but not the primary feature almost incidental you "orgasm" as a result of a "good" encounter not because of sexual stimulation.(this would definitely put it in the " Kink" column for me)
Your opponent and partner are the same person but must represent a threat to you, attack you. Are the reasons important?
you need an audience or am I confused on this point?

Flingress · Jun 22, 2009

yes, thats right

the feeling you get is right to the point. and the impression you get is also quite precise.
sex is like a welcome by-product to this:
good when its there but not terribly missed when it fails to happen, bcs theres always a next time.
that is bcs the ordinary ways of arousal that involve the fem's absolute degradation are closed roads for me, so if im ever gonna have any sexual pleasure, its possible only through this kind of a setting anyway.
let me remind you at this point that im not making rules here... i just discover their presence as i go, when i attempt to participate in sexual activities and fail to derive anything, then start asking why and analyse stuff.

and yes again, youre on the right track. my partner is kinda my opponent. s/he may be just be a friend seeking to play it fierce and rough, or a furious stranger who somehow has an issue with me and seeks to make me pay. his/her reasons for attack could be anything thats justified in their minds.
my reason for enduring things, on the other hand, carries a little more weight to me. i dont like feeling pretentious. im a pretty strong person for your average female, so if im not just slapping an opponent away, i must have a good reason for it. the nobler, the better.
audience is welcome. sometimes the partner is the only audience and that will make do...
but more audience definitely adds to the stir, esp if my avoidance of humilies is well respected and no unrecoverable "accidents" occur on that count.

i remember myself getting stirred in a number of real life instances in the past. naturally my opponent(s) knew nothing about the necessity to avoid attempts at degradation.
as a result, i confused them terribly by totally submitting to "some" of their torments, and reacting fiercely to "some" of their actions.
they couldnt tell the difference bcs the nuisance factor was all the same in their minds. and it didnt look like i suddenly gathered courage to lash back or something. i have an eerily high fear threshold most of the time and i guess that shows in my eye, or my stance, whatever.
so they would get totally baffled to see a "non-resisting tame cat" and a clawing, punching and kicking wild cat all in the same body, both emerging during the same event. poor guys... well, c'est la vie.

master jey · Jul 21, 2009

i don't know bout aldest but i'm youngest I'm having BDSM S&M fun since i was 13-14 now i'm 18

am i the oddest leaf in the history of bdsm...?...

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