How Normal Am I?

Ceilidh · Mar 29, 2010

So, here is the deal - I'm married. Have been for the last 5 years, and at the VERY begning of our sexual relationship there was a small level of kink involved - tying down, blindfolds, sensations (like ice), warming oils, positions. But the kink intrest soon went away due to his job and a few other things these last few years.

About 3 months ago, while we are at it

I asked him to spank me. And he did. Since then it has just rapidly progressed into more.

Do keep in mind that to my knowledge my hubby doesn't know I'm interested in bdsm (as a sub). Although I'm sure he may suspect it, as I suspect he might like being a Dom or being dommed.

My point is...last night as I got throughly fucked - twice - and I noticed something. I noticed that I didn't really start feeling really sastified until he started getting rough - hair pulling, biting (neck, ears, ribs..), pining my wrists, nailing me deep and hard - giving me what I'm aching for.

Anyways, I was wondering how normal or un-normal I am becoming? Does anyone else feel this way? Or am I alone? Perhaps I'm not wanting bdsm after all? Perhaps what I'm wanting is just really rough sex with some kink?? No, I think I do still want bdsm. If I didn't then why did I take a shower in hopes he would join me and I would get to be on my knees?

sillylittlepet · Mar 29, 2010

wait.... so is being into BDSM "un-normal?"
I just want to put this out there.
You're talking a forum full of people who are all very much into BDSM
I dont think anyone here is going to tell you that you're not normal. Unless this is secretly a board for weirdos. Maybe you should try talking to your husband about your sex life! lol, everytime I see an advice thread people are constantly talking about communication over and over and over again! I bet that would be a lot more satisfying than just guessing or suspecting or assuming.
not to sound rude of course!

to sum it up, yes you're probably pretty normal but then again I dont know you personally! hehe!

TerribleT · Mar 29, 2010

I don't know about "normal" but I think sexual exploration is healthy and right.

sebastian · Mar 29, 2010

Ceilidh, I don't quite understand what you're asking. If I understand your situation, you haven't been really sexually satisfied until you started engaging in rough sex. So you're thinking that maybe you don't like BDSM, just rough sex? Is that what you're asking?

Perhaps I'm being simplistic, but I think that rough sex is a basic element of bdsm play. Both involve control, pain, and often humiliation. Granted not all BDSM play involves sex, but when it does, it mostly crosses over into rough sex, unless it's a vanilla part of aftercare. And not all rough sex crosses over into the deeper levels of BDSM, but that's a matter of degree.

So I think that if you're interested in rough sex, you're interested in some form of BDSM play. And at least around here, as SLP has said, that's normal.

Ceilidh · Mar 29, 2010

I don't think you are rude sillypet

And I am sorry if I came off thinking that being into bdsm is un-normal. I had a feeling I wasn't wording my question just right.

What I ment is it normal to need/want that kind of roughness just to feel sastified? And after such a short period of time?

I know I should tell my husband, and I will. Right now I'm just trying to figure myself out - what I know I like and what I want - before I take that scary step forward and 'come clean.' Because to me, once that step is taken, there is no turning back..

Ceilidh · Mar 29, 2010

sebastian said:
Ceilidh, I don't quite understand what you're asking. If I understand your situation, you haven't been really sexually satisfied until you started engaging in rough sex. So you're thinking that maybe you don't like BDSM, just rough sex? Is that what you're asking?

I think that is what I am asking.
I believe I have been satisfied in the past. But lately I have been aching for more. It is like this snowball effect. I asked to be spanked a couple of times. Then he 'upped the intensity' to harder slaps, and rougher biting and much harder hair pulling. I feel as if I almost need this roughness just to achieve a release.

sillylittlepet · Mar 29, 2010

There was another thread recently that was kind of like this (taking the scary step forward!).
Since I love metaphors, let me paint you a picture.
Sex is like a swimming pool. The shallow end in more tame and vanilla, but the deeper you go the kinkier and crazier it gets. Jumping into the deep end right off the bat can be pretty frightening, lots of people don't want to! Sometimes its a lot better to ease into it and make the transition from deep to shallow. Right now you and your husband are probably around 3 or 4 ft deep, rough sex, a little bit kinky.
Obviously I don't know him or you so I cant say for certain, but jumping directly into 10ft deep might be a little overwhelming...
Maybe it would be more productive and less stressful to just start merrily swimming in the direction you wanna go! No rush. (but like I said, maybe your way is the best way)
>_< good luck!!

Ceilidh · Mar 29, 2010

heh. I love the metaphor! And I agree - jumping directly into 10ft deep would be overwhelming. Maybe that is how I am looking at it, jumping into the deep end instead of taking 'baby steps?' I think I am.

I don't think I am stressing over this subject. Just curious to know if what I'm feeling is normal (or natural might be a better word).

sillylittlepet · Mar 29, 2010

thanks! metaphors are my secret skill, secretly
(my master says its a simile, buuuuut whatever. I say metaphor!)

sebastian · Mar 29, 2010

I think what you're experiencing is progression, the desire for more intense and different BDSM experiences. For some people, progression takes them to very intense bondage, pain play, extreme clothing and other fetishes, and so on. For others, progression goes more slowly or never takes them to extremes. I think it's normal.

How Normal Am I?

Ceilidh

Member

sillylittlepet

Active Member

TerribleT

Member

sebastian

Active Member

Ceilidh

Member

Ceilidh

Member

sillylittlepet

Active Member

Ceilidh

Member

sillylittlepet

Active Member

sebastian

Active Member

Similar threads