I really have no idea what to do... Advice needed

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by PersistentReality, May 19, 2009.

  1. PersistentReality

    PersistentReality New Member

    I've recently moved in with my partner, I love him to bits, I want to marry him and have his children, we have discussed both and its what we both want. (In the future anyway, not financially able to have children at the moment and I want to go to uni next year).
    However I have an itch. I've always had this itch since I've started having relationships, well even before then. Its mainly sexual but does reach into my everyday life too. I want to hand over the control I have (over myself and my situation etc) to someone else. Not completely, I still want to choose what I wear and when I pee sort of things! But like in the bedroom, I want to be tied up or told what position to put myself in or told what to do and if I dont obey I want to be punished. I want my partner to have complete control over my body when we have sex.
    I want to be his, I want to be his possession and I want to serve him. I want a Master.
    But I cant. Not at least with my current partner, he has bipolar disorder and giving him such control over me would cause all sorts of problems, certainly if he was manic. Obviously I could protest and say no but if he is in the mindset that he has control over me when he is manic it could go horribly wrong.
    I've met someone however that can scratch my itch so to speak. He is very much a Dom, would take the control from me (with my permission) and would love me, respect me and care for me as well. We get on really well, he has all the qualities I look for in a guy and that.
    I see a future with my partner though, a good future with children and happiness.
    I dont think I should give up what I have, certainly as I love my partner to bits. I dont know how to go about attempting to scratch my "itch" with my partner though. I know I should talk to him but he's never very good with talking about emotions.
    I'm just so frustrated!!! :( Can I be truely happy in a relationship where I cant be exactly as I want?
     
  2. Prissy

    Prissy Member

    some people will have a husband, and Master, but the husband and Master are tweo different people. But you would need to talk to husband before talking to Master. Make sure husband is willing to allow that, if husband doesn't wanbt to do it himself.


    Also welcome to the forums, please enjoy your stay!
     
  3. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    RED FLAG
    If your partner (and future husband) doesn't like to talk about his emotions, I doubt he'd be okay with what he will most likely see as cheating.

    I'd say your best bet if to discuss your desires with him, Instill a safe word into the relationship, and a que (like you only are his sub when you are wearing your collar, which he would put on you). I understand he's bipolar, which could be a blessing and a curse, as you may experience you want to be a full time sub, or even a slave... but I'd suggest talking to him about receiving some kind of medication, such as lithium, to help with his disorder.
     
  4. Prissy

    Prissy Member

    It appears I gave bad advice, sorry. Sparrow is very good at what he does.
     
  5. PersistentReality

    PersistentReality New Member

    Thank you (both you of, Prissy you dont give bad advice, if I'm honest I would prefer to be in that sort of situation).
    Sparrow - he's on the waiting list for the Community Mental Health Team and a simple mood stabiliser wont work with him (for reasons he has explained but I cant remember exactly).
    My biggest fear is that he wont listen to a safeword if he is triggered into a manic episode (he has ultra rapid cycling bipolar), he could loose control of himself and I would be helpless if I was tied up
     
  6. subspace

    subspace Member

    Oh Prissy you give great advice! You just don't always listen to that advice.:)

    PersistentReality, would you be able to try out an online D/s reationship to test the waters? Maybe this would help with the itch.
     
  7. Seattledom

    Seattledom Member

    In my life experience you can be happy for a time denying who you really are and what you really need, but it is not a happiness that will last.
    You do need to talk to this man. Communication and trust is what makes a good relationship, vanilla or BDSM. From what you have said, there are legitimate reasons not to enter into a D/s relationship with your current partner, but you guys may be able to figure out some way to allow you to incorporate it into your lives.
    Perhaps if he is open to the idea of being your Dom, he could find a local mentor, and that mentor could server in a chaperon capacity during your play sessions to rein him in if he were to lose control.
     
  8. subspace

    subspace Member

    Hummm, a mentor, now that's something I had not thought of before. Do people really do that? I would think most men (D's) would be to jealous to make a go of this.
     
  9. Seattledom

    Seattledom Member

    Mentoring is quite commonplace in the community. As far as jealousy goes, your Dom does not need to share you to be mentored. Nor does he need to share you to be spotted, which is the essential requirement you seem to need.
    There may be some performance anxiety involved on both your parts, but once you get comfortable with the situation, that type of thing usually goes away.
     
  10. subspace

    subspace Member

    Unfortunatly I don't know much about the 'community' b/c my Master and I are very secretive about our D/s relationship.
     
  11. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    there are clubs here in the city that offer participation and classes as well as mentoring
     
  12. Seattledom

    Seattledom Member

    There are usually cubs in every city, but if you want to keep it private i dont know what advice to give you. Online isn't going to work for your situation, you need a live person Dom or Domme there to keep him reined in since that is your fear.
     
  13. Amuk

    Amuk Member

    I know how it is wanting to keep things secret, but as Seattledom said, this forum, or any other for that matter, can't help you in the real world when it comes to this situation. Really, I'd listen to both Sparrow and Seattledom.

    I can say that Sparrow knows what he is talking about, and if he agrees with Seattledom, then I'd say he does too.
     
  14. Prissy

    Prissy Member

    I am glad I could help, although I was unsure if I was, after what Sir Sparrow said to you.


    Listening to my own advice? Does my own advice ever pertain to myself though?
     
  15. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    often it does indeed....
     

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