Sub Love

Knots · Feb 28, 2012

decoyicus said:
Hi everyone I know I haven't been around much, but recently something has been weighing of my mind. My sumissive came to me about a week ago and told me that he is in love me , with the way he has been looking at me and all the sweet thingd he hs been saying I have no doubt in my mind thst he does loves me. My only problem is I do not love him, I have very strong feelings for him and our evenings toghether are one of the highlighs of my week.

I'm really starting to feel guilty about this, I mean a beautiful young man tells you that loves you all his heart and the most I can come out with is "Strong feeling".
I think I could love him with time, we have only been seeing each other for 7 months. I just wish I could have proper chat with him about this and avoid ruining this thing we have toghether. But with him and well me it's difficult to have a serious talk, he's 18 and I'm 19 so as you can imagine we both have sex on the brain at all times, also it's a the slave-master relationship we both enjoy it greatly and have no problems in the bedroom. But ever since he told me he loves me I don't what to think and have even less of a clue what to say to him.

Any advice on my next move would be apreciated as curentless I'm clueless ?

Also I would like to know if this sort of things is common in the DS community.

I also think you should give it time. Some people can fall in love very quickly, others it happens more gradually and less "obviously" to the two parties.

sebastian · Feb 28, 2012

Smallest said:
He'll be flattered

I am. I've occasionally thought that if I hadn't gotten my doctorate in history that I might have become a therapist. But the dom side of me would also be telling people what to do. So maybe I'd have to restrict my practice to BDSMers.

Wow, now that I think of that, I'll bet there's a whole lot of BDSM play that could be adapted for therapeutic purposes...

Getting back to Decoyicus' thread, I loved my ex-husband with all my heart. I was totally committed to making things work with him, and when he left me I was devastated. I came very close to suicide. It took me a long time to get past the depression he left me in. But, as painful as that was, I wouldn't give up my time with him for anything. The only way to never get hurt is to never live. Pain is part of life, and avoiding opportunities to avoid the risk of pain is cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Knots · Feb 28, 2012

sebastian said:
I am. I've occasionally thought that if I hadn't gotten my doctorate in history that I might have become a therapist. But the dom side of me would also be telling people what to do. So maybe I'd have to restrict my practice to BDSMers.

Wow, now that I think of that, I'll bet there's a whole lot of BDSM play that could be adapted for therapeutic purposes...

Getting back to Decoyicus' thread, I loved my ex-husband with all my heart. I was totally committed to making things work with him, and when he left me I was devastated. I came very close to suicide. It took me a long time to get past the depression he left me in. But, as painful as that was, I wouldn't give up my time with him for anything. The only way to never get hurt is to never live. Pain is part of life, and avoiding opportunities to avoid the risk of pain is cutting off your nose to spite your face.

BDSM needs little adaption to be therapeutic; indeed, most doms/subs derive "therapeutic" benefits from play (self esteem boosts, stress relief, etcetcetc).

decoyicus · Feb 28, 2012

"Getting back to Decoyicus' thread, I loved my ex-husband with all my heart. I was totally committed to making things work with him, and when he left me I was devastated. I came very close to suicide. It took me a long time to get past the depression he left me in. But, as painful as that was, I wouldn't give up my time with him for anything. The only way to never get hurt is to never live. Pain is part of life, and avoiding opportunities to avoid the risk of pain is cutting off your nose to spite your face."

Well said Sebastian well said. I can relate my last "serious" relationship ended in shatters I think the only thing that held me together was the love and support of my sister. Even after all that pain I wouldn't go back and change it because I learned for it. I'm trying to open up and let my guard down so that I can love this boy as much as he does me but it's hard you know.

edjixxx · Feb 28, 2012

One thing I was told is that your mind is excellent at sorting stuff out. I had to learn to not think about stuff that was bothering me, and my mind naturally sorted it out.

RopeRanger · Feb 29, 2012

sebastian said:
Wow, now that I think of that, I'll bet there's a whole lot of BDSM play that could be adapted for therapeutic purposes...

Replace the inflatable bats that were the rage a while back with floggers and crops and we might get someplace.

Honesty and communication work best. He may decide he needs more and leave. He may decide he needs to "prove" himself worthy and sub harder/deeper. It's a tough feeling as a Dom to not be able to control this one aspect but as Seb says it's complicated because it is the only thing that really matters. Talk about it. Not loving him is not the end of the world for either of you. It's also does not mean that you need to cut him off at the knees and dump him. However, you can't ignore his feeling - leaving him hanging is going to start interfering in the relationship sooner or later. It's about trust, so lay it all out.

edjixxx · Feb 29, 2012

Okay, all I keep picturing is a bunch of people running around with BDSM style leather inflatable bats, with little studs on the handle...... picturing that at wall street or running around NYC.......

sebastian · Feb 29, 2012

The important thing is that you be honest and open about where you are emotionally with him. He needs to know that you don't reciprocate his feelings now. Because he has the right to decide whether he wants to continue submitting or not.

decoyicus · Feb 29, 2012

I'm seeing him tonight. I'm going to be honest with him and tell him I do not love him but that I want to love him and that I need time. From now I'm going to try to let him in more and get past defenses, love is a roller-coaster but I think this young man is worth it.

edjixxx · Feb 29, 2012

Awesome!!!! It's a huge step just being willing to allow yourself to be vulnerable.

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