Choosing between my bf and a guy friend

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by popegurl, Feb 20, 2011.

  1. popegurl

    popegurl New Member

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    Hi I'm kinda new here but I've had fantasies about bondage for some time .. and I'd like to try to live some of them out. I have a boyfriend who I have been dating since the beginning of Fall semester so it is pretty serious but when I brought up the idea of him tying me up he gave me a disgusted look so I haven't tried again. He said something like "only sluts are into that kind of thing". I didn't want him to think of me as a slut so I let it go.

    on the other hand I do have this guy friend who lives one street over and we've been friends since middle school. He has a crush on me forever and once confessed his love for me in a note and I only thought of him as a friend so it was wierd for a while but we are best buds now.

    I'm wondering now though if he might be the right person for me to experiment in bondage with.. lately he has found it cute to tickle me when he would come for study sessions. Last week he pinned me down on my bed to tickle but decided to go further and lift my shirt up. We both got very turned on but I told him afterward I was mad at him for groping me.

    I realized that that was the most turned on I've ever been.

    so my question is do I just wait for my boyfriend to get interested in bondage or give on the idea ..

    or do Iapproach my guy friend about the possibility.

    sorry for just rambling on her but it is kind of a complex situation.
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    PG, you've basically got three options:
    1) Stay with the bf and try to enlighten him that bondage is not just for sluts
    2) Stay with the bf, drop the issue, and remain in a vanllla relationship
    3) Leave the bf and pursue a more kinky relationship, perhaps with your friend

    Option 1 seems like an uphill battle. He seems to have strong feelings about it, and trying to get him to accept it may just persuade him that you're a slut. But if you can get him to move past thinking of bondage as slutty, you might get somewhere.
    Option 2 is probably going to leave you feeling unfulfilled sexually, but if the rest of the relationship is good, perhaps it's worth the sacrifice. But if you felt that way, I don't think you would have posted here.
    Option 3 looks like your best option to me. This guy really likes you and you think he's willing to explore. But don't start dating him and hope it will lead to bondage. You need to have honest, open conversations with him about what you want and whether he wants it too. BDSM requires a lot of communication to work.
  3. RenamonX

    RenamonX New Member

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    I agree with sebs 3 options, but from what I can tell your already sort of leaning towards the 3rd, which to me seems the best as well. Though my main concern is you'd be solely leaving your current bf due to your fetish. Is there anything right now wrong with your relationship other than that he isn't into bondage? I'm not asking you to look for reasons but if there are other reasons it might be a better reason. Then again, it would be probably be best if you subtly asked your guy friend if he was into things like that, things like "That last time you held me down, did you like it?" or something like that, since if you leave your current then move to him and find hes not, your not really left with many options.
  4. P.S.Eudonym

    P.S.Eudonym Member

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    The first thing you need to do is talk to your guy friend about the tickle/ groping event. I have been in that situation and guilt and emotions can spiral out of control real fast unless the topic is talked over in terms of what you both want.
    Second, you need to ask yourself how your boyfriend would feel about the event if he knew it happened. Does he normaly mind that guy tickling you, assuming he even knows? If the answer is yes, then you need to tell him what happened. No matter what course you take, you need to preserve the trust of everyone involved, even if it costs you dearly. If you keep this a secret, neither your BF nor your guy friend will be able to trust you when it counts. (From a moral point of view, you need to tell him regardless of this.)

    Furthermore, Sebastian outlined your options, but before even considering them I think there are questions you must ask yourself:

    Is your current BF the one? Can/do you imagine a future with him including kids, houses and minivans? If the answer to this is yes, eleminiate option 3 and consider only 1 & 2.

    Assuming the above is true, looking in your combined sexual past, has he ever displayed any interest in sexual experimentation at all? Does he watch porn? Does he even talk about sex outside of the bedroom? In short, does he seem comfortable with the concept of sexuality as an explorable entity or does he think of sexuality as something dirty to be kept secret? The answer to this should influence your choice between 1 & 2 heavily.
    (For reference, I do have BDSM tendencies and have known about them for years but refused to accept the truth of this until recently. Such mental barriers can be very hard to break down and above all require time. If he is the one, you will need patience to allow him to grow into it naturally instead of forcing him into what you want him to be.)

    Finally, your guy friend has had a crush on you for a long time. Has he ever had a GF since then? If the answer is no, tread carefully. If that crush is as big and persistent as you make it seem, he will agree to anything just to finally feel fullfilled, regardless of the concequences and risks involved. Introducing him to BDSM not only has the potential of destroying your friendship but also to force him in the corner of chosing between you and his own sexuality.

    Good luck and I hope everything turns out well. :)
  5. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    I guess the question is whether or not you're still into your boyfriend, since you're considering dumping him for this new guy
  6. thedominantmaster

    thedominantmaster New Member

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    Boyfriend yes/no. Get naked and hold duct tape. That should start things. If he's not giving you what you want get out asap. Life is to short to not get what you want.

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