Sebastian's got a slave!

sebastian

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So I've acquired a slave to train. The boy and I agreed that I would train him for one month and then re-assess the situation. My physical attraction to him is not as strong as I would like (ok, to be blunt, he's not as hot as I would like), but I decided that I wanted the experience of training a boy, and he understands that this is probably not going to be a permanent relationship. He's eager to be trained, as he's been interested in being a slave for a while.

Within the first week of training him, we stumbled into a land mine. He's in his late 30s, and in his mid-20s, he was raped by a boyfriend he was breaking up with. It was a pretty traumatic event, something he's been running away from ever since it happened. He never told anyone, but very quickly after I started training him, he felt compelled to open up about it to me, with the result that he's been pretty emotionally raw--he's broken down several times and cried about it. He says that having the structure of my protocols is forcing him to confront the ways it's affected him. For example, I ordered him to dress more neatly, which made he start seeing that he was being sort of sloppy about his appearance because he felt like a victim. And I've ordered him to seek out help from a rape counseling center.

I've been learning a lot from the experience of dictating protocols to a boy. One thing I've struggled with is letting him open doors for me. I gave him a protocol to walk slightly behind me, but to move ahead of me and open doors. But it's been hard to break myself of the habit of opening a door for myself, especially when that door swings away from me, which requires the boy to go ahead of me, open the door, walk through it, and hold it open for me. It's forced me to realize the ways that protocols bind the dom as well as the sub; I have to provide him with opportunities to serve me.

What sorts of things have other doms struggled to get used to with a slave/regular sub?
 
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rick1283

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Congrats!

I've read some of your posts throughout the forum (particularly the FAQ :p ) and by the looks of things, I'm sure you'll be able to help him (along with the professional help).

Personally, I think you're going about it the right way. I've had a few friends that were raped, and for them, opening up and talking helped. I was able to help them remember that the rape can't define them if they don't let it.
 
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L8NightQ

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Happy for you Seb. First and foremost.

Your protocols seem to be helping him.
The real question is whether you have the patience to deal with baggage.

Sounds like you do, since you're asking.
Sounds like he already knows that you're not that guy.

It will come up.... and you will handle it.
It's the advice you've given to so many out there, about the sessions... and the aftercare.


Hope things go well.
 
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sebastian

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Thanks! My biggest concern right now is that he's relying on the structure and security that being my slave provides to find the courage to address what happened to him. How he will react if I decide to release him I don't know. It makes me a little hesitant to release him. I'm not ready to release him yet, but I know that I will get to that point eventually.
 
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sillylittlepet

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I'm no dom, but I think you should keep in mind that a partner (or a master/dom) should never be an emotional crutch. I strongly believe that there are many issues that people need to work out for themselves and while talking to others and have support is amazingly helpful it is not your job to fix his issues

I know there are really strong feelings surrounding being a dom and helping your sub, but like I said, you're helping but you can't do everything. It seems heartless, but staying with someone just because you dont want to hurt their feelings in the break-up (in this case, being released) is never a good idea.

Being a slave and having your guidance can be a wonderful healing process, but I would encourage that you find ways to help him overcome his issues outside of being a sub as well, so that your relationship isn't a crutch (and I'm not saying it is, but some of your statements are a little troubling and I just thought I'd share)
 
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sebastian

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One thing I realized very quickly was that he didn't have much sense of pride. So that has been one of my major goals. I made him look in a mirror and pointed out all the ways that his clothing pointed to a lack of pride--jeans with holes in them, ratty shoes, a tattered leather jacket, and bad haircut. So I helped him get some tidier clothes (found him a good leather jacket on Craigslist for $25) and then made him look in the mirror and repeat that he was a proud gay man. A couple days ago, he told me that his co-workers were commenting on the fact that he seemed more confident, dressing better, and so on. So I'm hoping that this will help him even if I dismiss him.
 
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Luna

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Sebastian, you are a very intelligent man. Whatever it was that you two were engaged in at that time you must have hit a trigger for him to break down and admit that to you. Life is about experiences, good and bad, and such an experience is very difficult to move past. I would guess he craves this D/s relationship but his experience, his fear has held him back. It is hard to put trust in another after that and in this lifestyle trust is the most important factor. He is fortunate to have found you. It sounds as though you have done him a tremendous amount of good so far, but continue to be honest with him because if and when the time comes to end the relationship .... from the other side, once you've admitted to someone that you've been raped it is very difficult to let them go.
 
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