Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sweetsub31, Aug 29, 2012.

  1. sweetsub31

    sweetsub31 New Member

    I haven't been on in a while. I've been a sad slave, and have needed to stay away and keep my mind focused on other things. My Sir released me last month. It's been awful for me. We are both married to other people, and had always agreed that our "normal" families come first. His wife discovered that she has cancer, and so he needed to focus on her health, and her getting better. I completely understand, but at the same time it's been very hard for me. We had been fostering our relationship for about 4 months. He's the first Master I'd had, and he changed my life drastically in a very short time. He opened my eyes to a whole new world- one that I had fantasized about since I was a teenager. We went from communicating all day (via chat and email) and seeing one another once a month, to almost no communication and not seeing one another at all. I learned to open up to him emotionally and completely trust him. And now it's all gone. I feel like an abandoned pet or something. He left the door open for us to continue after his wife is done with treatments and is healthy again. But I am just lost right now. I am really trying to stay focused on other things, and not think about it. But I miss it so much. I miss feeling his hands putting my ball gag in, fixing my collar so it's nice and tight, placing the clothes pins on my breasts in just the right place, his hands around my throat as he's whispering in my ear that I am his. Ugh...I don't know what the purpose of this even is. I'm just venting, and sad and needed to tell someone. Blarg.
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  2. Sweetpea and J

    Sweetpea and J New Member

    I'm new to this and cannot even begin to understand your feelings but I simply wanted to say how sad I feel for you.
    I do hope it gets better for you... It's almost like a withdrawal I guess?
    I'm sure the more experienced members on here will be able to offer help and support.
    Good luck.
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I'm very sorry, Sweet. That is definitely a loss. A master provides a fixed point for a sub, and losing that suddenly is very hard. I know this won't help much, but things will get easier. You will find another master eventually. Consider this a successful first d/s relationship--you learned that this isn't just a fantasy; it's something you very much want and can have. But you're going to feel a little hollow perhaps for a while, or like something important is not there. It's a natural part of losing a master. Just take your time, grieve the loss, and trust that it doesn't mean you will be masterless forever.
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  4. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

    Sweet, I'm sorry you're going though this. The emotional hole left by is difficult I'm sure you've discovered that you've been left without the emotional support and safety net that you would have in a vanilla relationship. How do describe the hole left to someone who has never experienced the freedom of submission. Blow off steam with us all you need. We're happy to give our support. You will make it though this.
  5. Roland

    Roland Member

    Hang in there, sweet. Take some time to sort out your feelings.
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  6. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I'm sorry for you loss, I'm sure this is very difficult for both of you.
  7. sweetsub31

    sweetsub31 New Member

    Thank you everyone for the kind, supportive words. It is a huge loss for me. This lifestyle is mostly a secret from my vanilla friends. Now I feel as if I have no outlet for expressing my desires to serve and be used. I'm also very scared to reach out to and search for a new Master. I find myself questioning if I want to open myself up emotionally (which I believe you have to do to be satisfied in such a relationship). I'm afraid I will end up on the losing end again. I'm afraid to try to find someone to trust again. I'm just afraid. I hate this for him and his family. It's really awful. But I'm lost. I literally feel like a lost little puppy with no one to rub my head against, no one to take instruction if my purpose has been taken away from me. Night time is the worst. I don't have anyone to share my sadness with, my wants and needs with. I am so sad.
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  8. Hi Sweet,
    Sorry to hear about your situation.

    You know, it might be a good thing to take a break from a serious relationship for a while and let your emtions settle down. I'm pretty sure you're in a similar position to anyone who is "on the rebound" (do you use that term in the US?). People in that frame of mind often make the wrong emotional decisions.

    So my advice is not to rush into anything.

  9. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

    I agree about not rushing into anything new but I also think this is why it never appealed to me to get involved with someone who had an existing partner. I think it just carries a whole other set of problems in itself and you always run the risk of being the one left behind. I cannot imagine anyone other than my fiancé being my Dom.
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  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Sweet, the loss of a valued relationship is always hard. The loss of a master is probably harder than the loss of a vanilla lover because there's the added dimension of the sub centering herself around her master. But, in the end, it is like the loss of any treasured lover, bf, or spouse. It hurts like hell and the only way out of those feelings is to get to the other side of the experience. Don't let the pain you are feeling now deter you from finding another master when you're emotionally ready for it. If you do that, you will never feel the joy of truly serving someone again. Yes, love hurts, and it involves the risk of being rejected. But you can't get the joy without taking the risks.

    Stanley: Yes, we talk about rebounding here in the US.
  11. sweetsub31

    sweetsub31 New Member

    I know it sounds stupid and silly, but a part of me doesn't want to try and find a new Master because I am holding out hope that things will change on his end, and he will have time for me again. I'm not a silly young girl, so even saying that makes me feel stupid. It's just that things were so perfect between us that I can't imagine any other Dom living up to what he was for me. I really appreciate all of your well wishes and advice.
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  12. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

    Sweet, I understand where you're coming from. Mine and I recently decided that things weren't working out for us and so we've split. It's really for the best as it was a long distance relationship and work was making it very difficult to devote the time she needed and deserved. We too, communicated on a daily basis so i really miss that. With no creative outlet I've had to make sure that i don't turn into a grouchy asshole and take out my frustrations on my coworkers. While the split was amicable it's taken about months for me to decide to start searching again. It truly can be a draining process. Of course anything worth having is worth working for.

    Take a break, don't rush. Things may change for your Ex or you will find someone else. Either way. you can make it through this.
  13. sweetsub31

    sweetsub31 New Member

    Thank you Ranger. I'm glad to feel a little less alone in this. I can relate to you saying that you have to be careful not become a grouchy asshole. I have to really watch that I don't take any of my emotional issues out on my children, or friends. One of the hardest aspects is pretending nothing is going on, when inside I'm lost. I appreciate your kind words and support.
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  14. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Maybe you should open up to a few of your friends or your older children. You probably don't want to bring up the whole BDSM thing, but there's nothing wrong in telling friends or older children that you were dating and it didn't work out and it's left you feeling sad because you felt that you were clicking. Trying to hide this sort of thing completely is going to make it harder on you.
  15. sweetsub31

    sweetsub31 New Member

    The problem is I'm married to someone else. We have an open relationship but our friends and family do not know that, and my husband and I don't discuss our other relationships. Also my kids are very young. But thanks for trying to help. At least with this community, I don't feel so alone.

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