I haven't been on in a while. I've been a sad slave, and have needed to stay away and keep my mind focused on other things. My Sir released me last month. It's been awful for me. We are both married to other people, and had always agreed that our "normal" families come first. His wife discovered that she has cancer, and so he needed to focus on her health, and her getting better. I completely understand, but at the same time it's been very hard for me. We had been fostering our relationship for about 4 months. He's the first Master I'd had, and he changed my life drastically in a very short time. He opened my eyes to a whole new world- one that I had fantasized about since I was a teenager. We went from communicating all day (via chat and email) and seeing one another once a month, to almost no communication and not seeing one another at all. I learned to open up to him emotionally and completely trust him. And now it's all gone. I feel like an abandoned pet or something. He left the door open for us to continue after his wife is done with treatments and is healthy again. But I am just lost right now. I am really trying to stay focused on other things, and not think about it. But I miss it so much. I miss feeling his hands putting my ball gag in, fixing my collar so it's nice and tight, placing the clothes pins on my breasts in just the right place, his hands around my throat as he's whispering in my ear that I am his. Ugh...I don't know what the purpose of this even is. I'm just venting, and sad and needed to tell someone. Blarg.