No sex = wild woman!

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by subarama30, Jun 8, 2012.

  1. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

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    Well after having a baby, and the recovery afterwards, I haven't been able to do anything sexy and fun for what feels like a lifetime. The end of the pregnancy were rough physically (hip/pelvis pain so bad ended up using crutches!) so we didnt have sex or do anything at all for months.

    I now feel like a dog on heat and am actually a little worried that I wont be able to control myself when the time comes and be so pent up that I will push it too much and end up letting things get out of control in terms of pain etc. I don't think I would stop him doing much of anything at the moment just to be physical with him again. How pathetic is that?!

    How do you control yourself after a lull/sexual dry spell? We have gotten pretty near the mark in terms of roughness and intensity in the past but I don't want to freak him out with how wild I will likely want to get. He has taken on a lot and come so far since I opened up to him I don't want to ruin things and scare him.
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  2. edjixxx

    edjixxx Member

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    Congratulations on the new edition!!! My wife and I have 3. Anyways, I'd talk to him about how it's been awhile, and your REALLY ready to go crazy. Depending on how long it's been, I'd first check with the doctor, last thing you want to do is end up injured while you're healing. But as for the intense surge in libido, I'm guessing he's probably feeling similar, and it probably wouldn't freak him out if you tell him how far you'd like to go.

    On a belated thought, you may try telling him how far you want to go, find out how far he wants to go, and stick with the lesser of the two until you get back to normal libido levels.
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2012
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  3. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

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    We have other children but we were pretty vanilla then and I don't remember being this bad...we always get back in the swing of things pretty quickly though.

    I am just worried about pushing things to the extreme a bit. I mean, he accepts me the way I am now and it is a given how sex is going to go these days but I have been careful not to go too far as I know he has his limits in what he would do to me, he still harbours concern about hurting me. I know in the past when I have bled or had bad marks he has questioned continuing and that is my concern, I really don't want to give up my re-found kinks.

    I know we need to talk about it but even now I am still waiting for him to tell me I'm a total freak and be disgusted with me...I know he wouldn't be that's just my own insecurities coming out again :(
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    It sounds like if he were to try some edge play with you in your current state then it might be worse than a real beating :)

    Is he into teasing?
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  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Your desires may simply be pent-up lust--this is essentially what chastity play does to some guys. It might also be the result of hormonal shifts caused by pregnancy. It might go away after you've played once or twice, or it might be your new normal for some time.

    Rather than hiding it from him, I think you need to have a talk, and tell him how you're feeling. Be honest--the pregnancy has kicked your sex drive into high gear and things are feeling more intense than usual. Listen to what he says and go from there. It sounds to me that his reluctance is more linked to fears of injuring you than repulsion over your desires.

    It sounds like your central kink is pain play and those are what's worrying him. Have you thought about exploring other forms of play that might A) be easier on your body at the moment and B) less worrisome for him? And have you explored his fantasies?
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  6. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

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    I never saw myself as someone into pain play, more rough sex, but I am realising there is definately a strong element of pain involved. Like, 'if it doesn't hurt (during or after) then it wasn't done right'. I like to be left with marks/bruises etc.

    I can take a lot of aggression when I'm in the moment and I think that is what scares him sometimes, that I can take a lot more than he thought I could. I think he figured the first time he slapped me in the face or went to choke me I would freak and say stop.

    I have hinted a lot that I'm really biting at the bit to get things going again but he has wisely said to wait until my 6wk post baby check up.

    His fantasies are pretty tame, mostly running towards me dressing up, he is very visual like most men I guess and that is enough for him really. I am happy to wear outfits and role play, always have been. At the end of the day he has told me that as long as I get off, it gets him off so I know I'm lucky. His high from doing things to me is my reaction to it.

    I just have to hold off ordering a ton of new toys to play with ;)
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  7. Moonlight

    Moonlight Member

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    I can relate. When my last was born I had zero drive. Literally it was if we dont play he will go nuts so it was for me hurry up and get it over with while I got nothing out of it. Then when my hormones finally shifted back I was the same as you described. It did even out after a while so perhaps it will for you too.

    Ya pain is not my friend either. I have a high pain tolerance and can ignore it but I do not make friends with it.

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