Advice, please?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Sate_Sprie, Jun 10, 2010.

  1. Sate_Sprie

    Sate_Sprie Member

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    So, Master and I have decided to start 24/7 now. I'm a fairly decent slave, I do what I'm told for the most part but I'm having some trouble in a couple of areas.

    1. Giving up my stubborn side. I'm incredibly strong willed, stubborn and argumentative. I'm having a really hard time completely letting go of all power that I apparently believe I posses over myself. I'm very much into Master making all of my decisions for me, but I still can't seem to get over the convenience of having things my way. Is this something that comes with time, or is there something that I can do to help myself?

    2. I'm still pretty terribly shy. I always have been when it comes to anything sexual as far as verbalizing what I want, ect. I'm better though. We talk about things very openly and I'll say what I want, but I usually feel embarrassed. I'm not sure why, as I have no reason to be. Master has been with me for almost two years now, he know absolutely every part of my body, I don't hide anything from him what-so-ever, I don't even close the bathroom door, so I'm not sure why I still feel a tad bit embarrassed.

    3.I know what I want, and the majority of the time it's things we're not really ready for. I don't want to move so quickly that I mess anything up or that I take on too much too soon, but at the same time, I feel like I'm ready for more than I'm currently taking.

    4. I have a hard time with pain tolerance. I absolutely love that aspect of our relationship, I'd be more than thrilled if Master would just beat the fuck out of me, but last time anything got a little more than tolerable I stopped it. Not only did I stop it, I did so in a very demanding tone, so well, Master wasn't happy with that. Thus, we now have a safe word. ^.^ Anyway, is there anything I can do to tolerate the pain better, or to push myself further without, for lack of better wording, freaking out?

    Sorry this is long, and I kind of rambled. Any advise on any or all of the above would be appreciated.
  2. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

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    For starters congratulations. :D

    Same here but I think I differ from you because I have no problems talking openly about things to those I trust but I can only just about make a conversation with a stranger. :eek:

    I have no real advise to give you on that though because I’m still trying to get over my own shyness. Lol.
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    1) Have you tried some sort of chant or meditation? I've done this with a few of my online subs and they've responded really positively to it. My instructions are usually as follows: strip naked and kneel in the corner of your room, facing the corner like a child being punished. Put your forehead to the floor so that your ass is in the air. For 10 minutes you will chant out loud "I will never resist anything my master demands. Obedience brings me pleasure." (or some other chant dealing with an issue I want them to focus on) Sometimes I add that they need to masturbate but may not cum while they are chanting. The boys I've done this to have almost always said that it made them feel very submissive, sometimes humiliated, and that the chant really made them want to obey.

    2) One of the things I tell all my boys is that I am the one person they can't hide their true desires from. In fact, I'm the one person they don't have to hide from. I'm their shelter from a world that doesn't approve of their desires. I think this is generally true for doms and subs, but perhaps it would help if you think of him that way. And perhaps ask him to talk to you that way, to reinforce it.

    3) Talk to your master about what limits you think you're ready to push and ask him if he thinks you're ready for that. And perhaps beg him during a scene for one of them. D/s play is a dance; the dom may be leading, but the sub should give signals of what he or she wants during play.

    4) Have you tried deep breathing during pain play? Taking deep breaths can help you tolerate more pain. Also, I assume your master is already doing this, but he should be starting light and slowly working up to more intense pain. I frequently take breaks during pain play. I'll work the tits for a little while, then switch to the balls, then go back to the tits and get a little rougher, then switch to the cock, then switch back to the tits and add clothespins, then go back to the balls, then back to the tits and use clamps. Taking breaks like that gives the tits or whatever a chance to rest up and build up tolerance for something a little rougher. Another trick I use is to praise the sub for taking the pain and urge them to take a little bit more to please me. "Good boy! I'm so proud of you! But I think you've got a little bit left in you. You can take a little bit more to please me, can't you, boy?" At IML, I played with a guy who absolutely shrieked the first time I put the tit clamps on him, so I took them off quickly. But about 15-20 minutes later, he was able to take the clamps for about 5 minutes. Pain is relative, so if your master can distract you, either with different pain or with pleasure, you can take more than you think. Sometimes when I'm torturing a boy's tit I'll also stroke his cock, to provide a contrasting sensation.
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2010
  4. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    as far as shyness goes, here's a great and always terrible game to play
    this is a wonderful game but works best with an element of public (like you're in a hotel or an apartment) but is just fine in a private setting

    Ah, I see you fumbled with your dirty words. What a bad slave, cant even say some simple words right! You're gonna have to get punished!
    With every spanking, you're going to need to repeat the word or phrase in question, louder and more clear every time until your master is satisfied. Total failure will result in the end of the playing for the day, success will result in a nice reward!
    You can, of course, mix this up. Maybe he drips hot wax on you, maybe your nipples get pinched, there's lots of room for variation.

    And of course, practice makes perfect. Work hard to get those words out.

    Does your master like the stubbornness in you? If he actually likes it, then I'm sure he doesnt want it to disappear, he just wants you to have a little more control over it. This is a problem I have too, and I'm also working on it. Usually I can tell when I'm being stubborn or bratty, if you can too then its up to you to make a conscious effort to be more agreeable. I know its so haaarrrdddd, sometimes you're being stubborn and you know it but you're a little upset so you don't give a damn!!
    But that isn't right, a good pet isn't like that!

    I cant offer any advice for pain tolerance, since mine is criminally low as well =S
  5. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    Congrats on the 24/7...

    1) Try this... Whenever you feel your going to be stubborn on an issue, which I'm sure usually manifests itself in some form of dispute or backtalk, smile, look at your master and say "I never did mind the little things" and do it, whatever it is. I know its corny and has been used in movies, but its foundation is in an audible self affirmation technique.

    2) shyness is something that effects everyone at some point. keep pushing it, try my advice from number one for this as well, you may find it helps here too.

    3) I agree with sebastian, talk with your master, let him know how you feel and where you stand. communication is key. I know this may be hard given your shyness, but its no one should ever overlook the power of a good conversation.

    4) again, talk to your master. pain tolerance is something that is generally acquired. the more you do something, or have it done, the less it will effect you.

    Good luck, and again, congratulations.
  6. Sate_Sprie

    Sate_Sprie Member

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    Thanks everyone. =) I'm really excited.

    Also, thanks everyone for the help. Master read this also, so I'm sure your suggestions will be used by him. It's also nice to know this isn't something that is out of the normal for a trainee, and I am not alone. =)

    Silly- You're correct, Master does love my stubbornness, but as you said, it needs to be controlled.
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    If your master likes your stubborness but feels it needs to have limits, maybe he should use a code word or a special name for you that signals "no more stubbornness; I expect complete obedience now."
  8. dariche_sprie

    dariche_sprie New Member

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    thanks for the ideas, guys. we're in it for the long haul now, so i'm excited at the prospect of shaping sprie into the perfect sub that i get a glimpse of now and again.

    her attitude has been quite a treat these last few days.

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