sebastian
Active Member
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Alaskan, that's some pretty heavy stuff. I'm sorry you've had to deal with all of that. Many people who are into bdsm have experienced abuse, so you're not alone here in that (although I haven't experienced abuse). BDSM does frequently provide a mechanism for understanding and processing abusing experiences. It's not therapy, but it can help.
That said, I think you're in danger of trying to express your feelings about your past through BDSM. Domming, for example, should never be done out of anger, and subbing should never be done out of a sense that one is worthless and deserves abuse (although humiliation play is very hot when the sub is emotionally sturdy enough for it).
What I'm worried about is that you might begin to express your anger at your wife through your treatment of your sub, or something similar. BDSM can bring up very intense feelings and doms and subs can sometimes get lost in those feelings. During play, a sub can begin thinking that her dom is her abusive father or husband, for example. While this doesn't always happen, it can happen, particularly if dom or sub have emotional issues they have not consciously confronted.
So I'd suggest that you see a therapist to get some perspective on your childhood and the failure of your marriage. You clearly have a lot of anger and feelings of humiliation from your experiences, and therapy would help you make sense of them and perhaps get some closure on them. You don't need therapy for your interest in bdsm, just for making sure that you can express it in emotionally healthy ways. Also, once you have understanding of your deeper emotional issues, you can consciously explore them in your play sessions, in ways that can help you feel in control of those issues.
That said, I think you're in danger of trying to express your feelings about your past through BDSM. Domming, for example, should never be done out of anger, and subbing should never be done out of a sense that one is worthless and deserves abuse (although humiliation play is very hot when the sub is emotionally sturdy enough for it).
What I'm worried about is that you might begin to express your anger at your wife through your treatment of your sub, or something similar. BDSM can bring up very intense feelings and doms and subs can sometimes get lost in those feelings. During play, a sub can begin thinking that her dom is her abusive father or husband, for example. While this doesn't always happen, it can happen, particularly if dom or sub have emotional issues they have not consciously confronted.
So I'd suggest that you see a therapist to get some perspective on your childhood and the failure of your marriage. You clearly have a lot of anger and feelings of humiliation from your experiences, and therapy would help you make sense of them and perhaps get some closure on them. You don't need therapy for your interest in bdsm, just for making sure that you can express it in emotionally healthy ways. Also, once you have understanding of your deeper emotional issues, you can consciously explore them in your play sessions, in ways that can help you feel in control of those issues.
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