New Female Sub Learning new things.

Sub_to_Boss · Jun 4, 2012

I could not find an area to write a hi thread so I thought I would combine by hi and first questions in one thread.

First off the hello thread.
I am a sub to a man I call Boss. He has been a dear friend of mine for about a year now but only recently we have talked more about D&s. He is a Dom who wishes to not have a lot about him out there. I am married, but my husband isn't very good at being a Dom and isn't interested in being a sub. He likes to watch me with other men (and women). This new adventure is a huge turn on for him (and I).

My Dom and I have been mostly in talk, fine tuning everything, I'm sure you all know what I mean. I decided today that I wanted to learn much more about being a Sub. I know I am the one with the control, ie. I say no its no and so on. But really I don't know much about D&s other than whats imagined in my head

Questions:
As a general, do Dom's like their subs to do things that would cause them to get punished? (Does that make sense?)

My Dom wants me to email him photos (he lives in a town 1.5 hours away). When I asked my Dom what he would like he said to go out of my comfort zone, I'm puzzled but thought I would ask for some photo suggestions from people who know D&s more than myself.

I'm sure other questions will come soon but my mind went blank. :dazed:

sebastian · Jun 4, 2012

Welcome! And have you read the Newcomer's FAQ? It's got a lot of information for newbies.

A couple points: 1) Don't think that you have control. The point of being a sub is to give up control. Rather, you have a right of refusal. If something is happening that you can't handle or really don't want, you can use your safe word. You put things off-limits. But the goal for you is to not have control.

2) Different doms like different things. Some doms want rigid, military-style obedience and don't want their subs to resist or disobey. Other doms like bratty subs who fight back and need to be subdued and punished. The only way to know what your dom likes is to talk with him about it. Ask him if he wants excuses to discipline you, or if he wants you frantically trying to obeying. Some doms enjoy settling difficult if not impossible tasks for subs, so the sub has to be punished. And what about you? What sort of sub do you think you are? Do you like being a naughty girl, or do you want to be the perfect slave? Not every dom fits with every sub. In general, however, if you're mostly an online sub, brattiness probably won't work. The goal of d/s is for the dom to have control, and doms inherently have less control over subs who are a long distance away. Brattiness will reduce that control even more. So my advice would be to focus on being obedient.

3) As for photos, I think he's being too vague. New subs generally benefit from a lot of direction. He needs to tell you what he wants from you, to set expectations and protocols. I'm not sure if he's just inexperienced, or being lazy, or doesn't know the answer to your question, but he needs to step up a little bit and give you more guidance.

subarama30 · Jun 4, 2012

I agree with what Sebastian said (as usual!) this guy isn't giving you enough direction - 'out of your comfort zone' is pretty vague.

I don't like to think of being sub as being in control, I think you meant that you know that you can set hard limits/safe words etc but ultimately it's giving up control or having it taken from you that makes you submissive.

I see myself as a fighter. I am not the 'yes Master' type and don't do as I'm told. You want me on my knees? you better figure out how to get me down...even then I'm not just going to take whatever is being done to me, Im going to struggle, kick, whatever. 'Make me' is my standard response to any instruction.

You have to figure out what type of submission you like and what he expects. Do you like lots of rules? Do you like physical punishments? Being sub doesn't mean you like being hurt, submission comes in many forms. Some prefer the mindfuck. It's so varied I don't think we can tell you a 'normal' reaction or expectation of a Dom. If he's a good Dom and not just playing at it, he should give you more guidance in general.

Sub_to_Boss · Jun 4, 2012

sebastian said:
A couple points: 1) Don't think that you have control. The point of being a sub is to give up control. Rather, you have a right of refusal. If something is happening that you can't handle or really don't want, you can use your safe word. You put things off-limits. But the goal for you is to not have control.

subarama said it in a nut shell. I meant that I am able to control my soft and hard limits.

sebastian said:
2) Different doms like different things. Some doms want rigid, military-style obedience and don't want their subs to resist or disobey. Other doms like bratty subs who fight back and need to be subdued and punished. The only way to know what your dom likes is to talk with him about it. Ask him if he wants excuses to discipline you, or if he wants you frantically trying to obeying. Some doms enjoy settling difficult if not impossible tasks for subs, so the sub has to be punished. And what about you? What sort of sub do you think you are? Do you like being a naughty girl, or do you want to be the perfect slave? Not every dom fits with every sub. In general, however, if you're mostly an online sub, brattiness probably won't work. The goal of d/s is for the dom to have control, and doms inherently have less control over subs who are a long distance away. Brattiness will reduce that control even more. So my advice would be to focus on being obedient.

Thanks. That gave me some good points to work with.

sebastian said:
3) As for photos, I think he's being too vague. New subs generally benefit from a lot of direction. He needs to tell you what he wants from you, to set expectations and protocols. I'm not sure if he's just inexperienced, or being lazy, or doesn't know the answer to your question, but he needs to step up a little bit and give you more guidance.

I talked to him last night about that before I took photos. He understood what I needed and told me what to do. Made for a very lovely night. Thanks for the tips/suggestions/guidance.

subarama30 said:
I don't like to think of being sub as being in control, I think you meant that you know that you can set hard limits/safe words etc but ultimately it's giving up control or having it taken from you that makes you submissive.

Yes thats what I meant

subarama30 said:
I see myself as a fighter. I am not the 'yes Master' type and don't do as I'm told. You want me on my knees? you better figure out how to get me down...even then I'm not just going to take whatever is being done to me, Im going to struggle, kick, whatever. 'Make me' is my standard response to any instruction.

I see, very interesting.

subarama30 said:
You have to figure out what type of submission you like and what he expects. Do you like lots of rules? Do you like physical punishments? Being sub doesn't mean you like being hurt, submission comes in many forms. Some prefer the mindfuck. It's so varied I don't think we can tell you a 'normal' reaction or expectation of a Dom. If he's a good Dom and not just playing at it, he should give you more guidance in general.

I talked to him about how I need some guidance, both with the photos and with everything in general, he gave me much more to work with when it came to the photos. Thanks for the tips/suggestions/guidance.

josejaxon · Jun 7, 2012

D & S is procedure of miscarriage so if you have any trouble and if you are in this situation so you can take help from your nearest doctors. D & S is also working for various activities and it's known as Dilation and curettage. I will suggest you that if you are suffering with any kind of big trouble so this procedure is good for you.

thinmint7 · Jun 7, 2012

Hey Sub to Boss I am new here, too!! Awesome! Some great info here you ask really good questions!

sebastian · Jun 7, 2012

Jose: You're confused. We're not discussing abortion but dominance and submission. It's more commonly referred to as D/s, but D&S is also a legitimate abbreviation.

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