So I am actively seeking out very sadistic dominatrix's. It seems to be something I like to do and I don't know why. I look for a dominatrix that is brutal and ruthless and shows none or almost no mercy. I have in the past had my balls beat black and blue, cock beat black and blue with small cut and had my ass whipped so it bled through the bandages afterwords. I have had my back whipped black and blue. For some reason I find dominatrix's that i wont enjoy. I get beat wishing it would end and I regret doing it while its happenind but then Im looking for more. Is it wrong that I like really brutal torture that I wont like? Is it wrong that I let people use me and abuse me so extremely? I am meeting with a dominatrix next week. this is some of what was sent in my first email. "I want to suffer for your enjoyment and do whatever you want to do during play within my limits. I want you to think about what you enjoy and want and not what I enjoy. If I don't enjoy myself at all and hate it I'm OK with that as long as you have fun. Afterwords I will be happy I made you happy. If you like light, mild, heavy, or brutal play I will do it as it will be completely up to you Lady... I want to give you as much control as I can and you do with me what you like as though I am your property and I exist for your entertainment. I am willing to have limits on safe words if you want and we agree on everything. One limit on safe words im willing to have is only being able to ask for mercy and it can be up to you to grant mercy or not for things like spanking, whipping. Things I need a safe word for would be CBT which I really don't like or do anymore and things I have not done like electricity, anal, breath play, piss, fire play, tickle torture, foot whipping and wax. "The most extreme thing I have done to date was having my ass beat rally hard and it bled slightly. I was then flipped over and whipped and hit on my balls till they were bruised and my cock bled slightly and I was sort of crying but not exactly. I did not enjoy it while it happened and she executed it with absolute brutality while laughing at me. I was happy afterwords because I made her really happy and entertained and once it ended the feeling of not being whipped anymore felt so great. I no longer do CBT because I don't want to be rendered infernal. Thank you for your precious time and I hope to hear back on your thoughts and wishes Lady ..."