Forgive me if this same question has graced your forum 100 times over, but there's only so many pages a girl can go through before she has too many questions of her own to ask. I apologise in advance, but this will be a long post. I am an incredibly curious 19 year old female. I doubt I could even be given the title"newbie" for that, to me, sounds like you've at least dabbled in the scene a little bit. I am looking for any advice and experience you can give me. I have read (admittedly not every page of it, yet) the Newcomer's FAQ post and I did of course find it very helpful, however it felt more orientated towards those who have already tried a little BDSM and have prospective partners lined up. I understand that I am very young and I'm sure people are quick to dismiss that at 19 I can't be sure that I want to be tied up and belted six-ways 'til Sunday until my arse burns bright red. Naturally, I feel the need to defend myself - especially in an age of Fifty Shades Of Gray wannabes (cue eye-roll). To an extent those people are right, I DON'T know. Not for definite. I have pulled one foot out of the generic vanilla pool and dipped one little toe into the rum-and-raisin flavour that is BDSM and it's a flavour that I don't want to give up. I feel... weird, fucked up, strange, freakish... for wanting to be punished for being naughty, to let someone have total control over me, to submit wholly to a person and be the reason for their pleasure. I want to serve and bring pleasure that creates my own in return. Looking back I can see some signs of it manifesting itself when I was young(er) and I feel like this inherently who I am. It's fighting with me. I feel like I'm falling apart because there's a part of me that wants letting out and looking after but I have no idea how to go about doing so. How do you explore this whacky world? Do you just turn up at your local fetish club and hope for the best? 'cause that seems hella scary. Especially being young as I am: it's just asking for trouble. I understand that I have a whole lifetime of exploring in front of me, and I do not need to rush into things, but to those of you who found this community later in your lives, do you not wish this door had been open to you earlier? To bring you this happiness and fulfilment in your life sooner? Because I crave that now and I don't want to have to wait until I'm 30..40 to be considered old enough to make my own decisions about my private life. For people to take me seriously. Besides reading books and posts, how do you learn about this life? How does a sub become trained? Of course from reading one picks up a lot on how to act, but it's not the same as being trained. Do Dom's even want untrained subs? Where do I meet people to talk to about this? I don't want to jump head first into a D/s relationship; I want to learn and become knowledgeable and meet people, but I have no clue how to go about that. As useful as your Newcomer's FAQ was telling me to make sure I communicate with my Dom, have safe words and know where to get flogged, that means nothing when I'm sat at home, by myself, lost with no clue how to even meet like-minded people, let alone meet my own Dom! I apologise again for rambling on for so long. I guess I was very much venting my own frustrations as well as asking for help. Any knowledge and advice you have for me for starting out at the very beginning will be so very much appreciated. Thank you.