People judging. What is your input in views on today's society and judgement?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by panty20130516, May 16, 2013.

  1. panty20130516

    panty20130516 New Member

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    Okay. What are your views on today's society of how people live and see things? Please do not be nasty, I just want to know people's views. And if you judge, well.. You judge. You will probably judge me, but thats how you are and how you see things. You don't have to read the rest if you don't want to, they are just some of my views. :)

    I am a bisexual (And gay or bisexuality is not a choice. Its the way people are. Why else would you have a relationship or sexual intercourse with someone you didn't like? Or if it was a choice, I could choose to be Lesbian on the weekend.. You get the point? Thats my view anyway) female, who has a sort of long distance relationship with another female. I am into BDSM/Dominatrix or what ever you wish to call it.

    I have nothing against how people go about with their sex lives (unless its like rape or Child Porn etc etc). So even Bestiality I don't mind, as long as people don't force it upon animals.

    I personally am not fond of those who do drugs, or smoke... I really dislike the smell and effects it causes.

    I find that there are some Christians (not pointing the finger at all, only some) who try to push people into joining their churches or judge everything about people that is considered 'wrong in the eyes of God'... So things like Gay's, sex before marriage, how one should live their life so they will go to Heaven, or lying... But everyone lies in this world. Even Christians. And I know of quite a few who have had sex before marriage. So whats the deal? I know gays is a big thing for them... But still...

    Even people who make fun of others who are different.. They bully them, or something... If someone has something like brain damage, people look at them differently... They just want to fit in like everyone else in this world.

    I could keep going on, so there are some of my views.. Whats you views :)
    Thanks for reading :p
    Last edited by a moderator: May 16, 2013
  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

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    I can't tell whether you're asking about judgment regarding BDSM or regarding everything, can you clarify?
  3. Crazyguy123

    Crazyguy123 Member

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    I guess my views are about the same as yours. I hate quite a few drugs, but don't mind the people who use them as long as they don't use them around me.

    I'm only against non-consensual sex and that's it, though I used to be an extreme prude and was against many different types of sex, gay sex especially, while I was still religious, but a lot of that changed after my deconversion, which was the best thing that happened to me. Lol, what is funny is when some Christians judge and point their finger at everyone that does stuff that is "wrong in the eyes of God" but then ignore a whole bunch of things in their Bibles they don't like and cherry-pick which parts to believe and follow.

    Um, only a tiny part of your post even mentions BDSM, so don't be surprised if this gets moved to a different forum. I was expecting this to be about people judging BDSM enthusiasts for enjoying BDSM. I could probably add something about that. There are probably people who negatively judge people who are into BDSM, I was once one of them before I became interested in it, but after realizing what BDSM was all about and discovering my own interest, I realize there is nothing wrong with the people who enjoy it. The vast majority of them are decent people, even if some of them do have a bit of a sadistic streak.

    All I really have to say is everyone has a negative opinion of others, whether it be for legitimate reasons or absolutely closed-minded and stupid reasons. I would like to say to the people who negatively judge others because their life-style is a little different, despite the fact that no one is harmed, that if they want to be closed-minded then they can go ahead. If they don't like me because I'm interested in BDSM or they don't like people for being gay or bisexual then they can get out their camera. I would like them to take a picture when I show them my middle finger.
  4. scheppersrules

    scheppersrules New Member

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    Your impulses and desires are not a choice. Your conscious actions are.

    Everyone judges people. It's part of our survival instincts. We have to interpret things about our fellow human beings, like whether they are potentially a threat, or can produce good offspring for us, or pleasure us, or help us in some way. Often if I tell someone I smoke 420, they respond with "that's cool, I don't judge." But it's not really true. They are just judging that they're tolerant of that fact about me. If I told them "I'm a crack addict", they would most likely judge me differently, and possibly choose not to associate with me out of fear that that association would potentially have negative consequences on their life.

    As far as Christians (which I am not) - every one of us is a sinner. The view of some Christians on homosexuality is holding the teaching of Christianity back, not bringing it forward. I'm writing a film on this.
  5. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

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    I very much agree on the phrase 'I don't judge.' = yes they do, just not negatively. Very good point, although I'm still waiting for clarification before I type a 'real' response to the OP.

    Just to bring this a little off topic, this is very true and makes me sad, since part of the stories about Jesus are that he liked to hang out with the outcasts of society- whores, bankers, etc. The church was even accepting of most scientific breakthroughs several hundred years ago, many requested the publication to be slowed down so the church could incorporate science with their teachings. A large reason that the Protestant and Puritan churches separated was because the Catholic church was not "holy enough" anymore, yet now Catholics are the ones known for being nonprogressive and hyper conservative.

    I'm not religious either, but the more I learn about modern christianity, the more I am disappointed. Churches were more progressive before church and state were separated, and that is insane to me.

    ETA- I'm writing off the top of my head, thus the lack of dates or back up, but I imagine even if I mix up something you'll know what I mean, since you've researched it.
    Last edited: May 16, 2013
  6. scheppersrules

    scheppersrules New Member

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    I think what is happening in today's world is that Christians are seeing that they are losing a grip on people, as more and more alternative perspectives and free thinking are being released into the air. Human beings want freedom and acceptance.

    In a way, you can't blame Christians. We're either technically all Christians or we're not. I don't care what anyone else says - it's either the encompassing objective truth about our existence or it is not. If it is the truth, Christians should be doing everything they can to interpret, preach, and incorporate into society everything that it stands for. Some Christians talk about this already, and are insistent about training leaders eventually to hold high roles that can advance this way of thinking, such as POTUS.

    I could go on and on about this stuff, but this is a BDSM forum lol. I like your theory about things being different in earlier times of Christianity. I never thought about that.

    Also I refuse to call myself an atheist. I hate that word (along with sexual identity labels BTW, and, well, most other labels). My feeling is simple. We haven't figured it out yet. But I believe someday we will.
  7. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

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    I don't blame christianity, it's just that since it came up, and in that context, I thought I'd comment. People and society will have oddities whether or not there is religion. Also, although you're avoiding labels so it doesn't matter, it sounds like you're closer to being agnostic anyway. I consider myself apathetic (I'm somewhere between agnostic and atheist, but I really don't care enough to do spiritual exploration).

    Hopefully the next post will be on topic again, but this could be a fun discussion in the offtopic forum!
  8. Crazyguy123

    Crazyguy123 Member

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    I'll start a thread about this in the Off topic forum. Feel free to join in, anyone!
  9. Lucas_Grindhouse

    Lucas_Grindhouse New Member

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    Self-assurance, self-acceptance

    Whether you are referring to involvement in BDSM or to sexual orientation, I empathize. It's no fun being put down or vilified.

    People sometimes say discrimination is bad but this is inaccurate. Prejudice is bad, discrimination is necessary. Prejudice is categorizing or vilifying an individual before knowing them. It can also be assuming an individual has the same characteristics as a perceived group. Prejudice is bad because people are unique and present a unique set of qualities.

    Discrimination is judging a person or situation. Everyone needs to discriminate in order to make decisions. If you didn't make a judgement, you would have no way to make a decision. It's important to judge based on real facts, real events so the subsequent decision is informed.

    Unfortunately, people don't always form opinions based on facts, relying instead on outside sources to inform them of the "correct" way to perceive someone or something. Whether the source is religion, peer pressure, media, or anything else, the result is an opinion which cannot be defended.

    If you aren't hurting anyone (not talking about BDSM) or forcing yourself on anyone, your sexuality should be your own business. Participation in BDSM is also your choice and nobody's business. If someone says something nasty, you can challenge their opinion, asking for a justification, an explanation. They will usually be unable to provide own since their opinion is not really their own. Challenging people can be bad for your health. Challenge the wrong person and you might be at the wrong end of violence.

    If you are comfortable with who you are, other people's opinions won't be taken to heart. You'll know the person isn't able to form a real opinion and you can just let it go.

    I'm pan-sexual but I worked in the construction industry most of my life, a very homophobic industry. I had to keep my mouth shut and not divulge who I really was. In my heart though, I could care less what some redneck though about gays or anything else. I encourage you to be strong in self-acceptance.

    I wish you every success.
  10. Lucas_Grindhouse

    Lucas_Grindhouse New Member

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    One more thing

    The question of identity is also important to consider. A person may believe their identity is immutable, something born deep inside and unaffected by the world. Actually, a person's identity greatly relies on other people's perception. That's why it can be so hard to stand strong. The other person perceives you in a certain way and this tugs on you, influencing you to be that way.

    One of the best things you can do for yourself is to surround yourself with like-minded people. They'll be more likely to reinforce your identity, avoiding the tug-of-war you'll feel if you are surrounded with people who disagree with you.

    Hope this helps

  11. MistressSimone

    MistressSimone New Member

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    Honestly I believe everyone judges people for something, to me it's more a matter of letting other people's judgments affect how you judge yourself. I personally don't give a fuck about what people think or say only what they do to me.
    Good luck on your journey
  12. Conlabentis

    Conlabentis New Member

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    Opinion and ridicule are different things and while someone can disagree with your lifestyle the harsher issue is when governments and communities take actions to stop you from living as you choose within the comfort of your own home and within social circles.

    And, while religion in general proponent of the "Do No Harm To Others" thing in regards to pain and suffering, there is a double negative in most cases where people tell you how you should live and that is in and of itself a hurtful act if the lifestyle is core to your personality.

    You can manage to be discreet, be social in the comfortable settings and even interact with those who would judge or ostracize you but in the long run people get tired of having double lives and these things slip. The truth is, as long as you do something where hurting another person or letting someone hurt you, even for pleasure, then people are going to disagree but if you SEEK acceptance for how you live in the larger world people will tend to shun you merely for differences in comfort zones.

    You shouldn't have to hide who you are, but people don't have to like you if don't, even if they are cruel and unreasonable at times for doing so.

    PS: I do not agree or condone people ostracizing others from society because of life choices, I merely was playing devil's advocate for those not comfortable with the lifestyle we chose.

    PPS: LIFESTYLE refers to BDSM. The Gay/Bi thing is bigotry and should be frowned upon in general, despite religious views.
    Last edited: May 22, 2013
  13. Div

    Div New Member

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    I don't think most people really think about it, honestly. I've been in a BDSM relationship with varying degrees of intensity for about three years now, and from what I've observed, those people leading "vanilla" sex lives don't even give BDSM a thought. I know I didn't. It never occurred to me that it might be interesting or a turn-on. I simply didn't think about it, and I believe that's how it is for most people. My group of friends will make jokes about BDSM acts now and again, and I laugh along, but not for the same reason they laugh. It's more of an "If you only knew" type of laugh when someone mentions fuzzy handcuffs they got as a gag gift.

    I don't think people judge the practice of BDSM because it's not something they stop and think about. Everybody has an opinion about homosexuality and gay marriage and all that, but if you asked someone about BDSM, they'd probably say "uh, I guess that's a little weird." Talking about relatively reasonable people here. I'd expect some would condemn us all to hell, but they might also condemn you to hell for eating a banana seductively, so that's the type of opinion that I set aside somewhat.

    I've seen BDSM mentioned in the media. In an episode of Friends, Phoebe says Mike isn't there because he's back home, chained to a pipe. There's an episode of Bones where they're investigating the murder of a girl who was bound for BDSM reasons and ended up dying that way, and Booth says that the sex must not have been fulfilling because if that were the case, they wouldn't need all the extra stuff. There are other examples as well, but none of the characters really give it a second thought. The general consensus is that it's "interesting," but I never get the idea (from that media or the people I'm watching it with) that anyone thinks it's reprehensible. It's just kind of there. I don't think people understand it, nor do they have any interest in understanding it.

    Maybe I haven't paid enough attention, or haven't been around enough to notice, but I haven't felt or noticed much in the way prejudice on the BDSM front. The majority of people have their ignorance, and they're happy with it. And I'm happy with that as well. It's a private matter anyways, in my opinion. We're not hurting anyone (unless they've been bad) and the general public can't tell the difference one way or the other.

    Of course, BDSM is kind of in the eye of the general public at the moment, due to the success of 50 Shades, which I refuse to buy on principle based on what I've heard. But as much as I've heard it's a terrible book with a completely inaccurate representation of BDSM, it may yet be doing some good. The fact that it is popular at least nudges people in the direction of forums like this, where they might learn what's actually going on and be able to form valid opinions instead of just ignoring the idea altogether.
  14. new1

    new1 Member

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    Lucas Grindhouse... Just WOW!!!!! :) Thank you for such nutritious clarity.

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