Is nude pictures essential in D/S Relationships?

[sarah555]

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I'm going to go out on a limb here - I know a lot of us are different, different fetish and ideas as to what it is we are and are not into. But this guy sounds like an asshole - no matter how I look at it. I think he sounds like a bad idea.

Aren't masters suppose to be not so nice anyway? I am confuse because this isn't a normal relationship. We were just hella happy together until the nude pictures issue. I just hope if his no longer interested then he shouldn't waste my time either. If he wanted this to end, he should not have left any doors open, and just end it.

 

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[pepeluism]

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I don't get your trust issues. If you submit to him and allow you to tie you down and he has a whip, he can basically make you do anything he wants, right? If you trust him in this situation, why not trust him with the photos?

Personally, I never stop my Mistresses from taking pictures/video of me. It makes it so much more exciting and some have expanded my limits quite a bit by threatening me to send pictures of me being humilliated to people I know or posting them on the internet.

 

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[sarah555]

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I don't get your trust issues. If you submit to him and allow you to tie you down and he has a whip, he can basically make you do anything he wants, right? If you trust him in this situation, why not trust him with the photos?

It's irrational I suppose, I trust him 110% not to physically harm me. But I don't feel that 100% on if things turn sour, what he'd do to the photos. Even now that I've agreed to the photos without head, his still all cold and weird, it's making me very very nervous. His totally not being reassuring.

 

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[Martello]

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Please allow me to preface this - I am a Woman's Self Deference Instructor. Maybe this will lend to what I am saying...

Not in my opinion, no. It's a relationship, which is based on TRUST and COMMUNICATION. What are the two big issues? Trust and communication. Being a Dom does not offer free license to up and do whatever you want - just because. That's why we have things like safe words and boundary conversations. Also, you might want to consider the fact that a sub does actually have some semblance of control. And that is also something that is established with asfe words and boundary conversations.

How well do you know this guy? How do you know this isn;t a sign of him deciding other things are beyond your control? I would hate like hell for another discrepancy to appear during breath play or if a sharp object had become involved.

As far as I see it, this photo situation, he is acting like a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum. None of his behavior you've explained here demonstrates much else then immaturity.

Here on this forum, you have a wealth of experienced and learned subs and doms. I think a number of people had expressed the fact that this guy is just not a good idea. I haven't read every single response - but I know I'm not the only one saying to hell with this guy.

I explained this same thing to a woman today. The amount of shit people take is directly proportionate to what they feel they are worth. Meaning if you think you're worth shit - you will take shit.

Because you're a sub doesn't mean you are worth any less then anyone. Sure, that can be part of play but it's not fact. Shit, what good is a Dom without a Sub? What would someone do in that case?

this whole experience dangles from a thread of trust, and that thread what fucked from the beginning of this whole thing. It's not even an isolated incident. It happened more then once.

Listen to me - to hell with this guy!

Aren't masters suppose to be not so nice anyway? I am confuse because this isn't a normal relationship. We were just hella happy together until the nude pictures issue. I just hope if his no longer interested then he shouldn't waste my time either. If he wanted this to end, he should not have left any doors open, and just end it.

 

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[sarah555]

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Thanks martello, his actually more than 10 yrs older than me too.
I think you misinterpreted though. He haven't taken pictures against my will, means he have not broken any trust. He tried to pressure me into pictures, but he would require my permission or he won't do it. The first one he took unannounced was because he didn't yet know I would be against it. But he deleted it immediately when I asked him to.
He simply told me no pictures, no relationship, which is his terms.
I don't think he broke any trust yet.

 

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[Sparrow69]

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I haven't read every response but i will give you my feelings.

I give my subs 1 hard limit, 1. That limit is picked before anything ever occurs. all other agreements are made, and can be discussed later, but that one hard limit will never ever be broken. They know this, i know this, everything is out in the open.

As a photographer, and an artist, pictures are in face a deal maker/breaker for me. If a sub doesn't trust me enough to take their picture, then there is no reason to go any farther, because there can be no trust issues in this life stlye.

Now im not saying its a requirement for all relationships for everyone, but for me its a pretty big one. I see the human body as art, and sexuality as art, so to capture that on my chosen medium, is truly stunning, because that moment, that stitch in time, will never again be exactly repeated.

 

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[subspace]

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Sarah I find a big difference between the trust involved in allowing a Dom to tie me up versus taking nude pictures.
Being bound is something that you can call safe word to end and also decided on a scene by scene basis as to whether you will continue.
Pictures are completely different because once they are taken you no longer have a real choice about how those pictures will be used.
I can completely understand Sparrow’s point of view but I can only assume that he and his subs/slaves have immense trust to be involved as deeply as their ‘clan’ is. You and your Dom are clearly struggling with trust issues and until those issues are resolved I would not let him have a camera anywhere near me.


As far as being punished for not allowing him to take pictures— If you were already punished then he should not continue to punish you even if not physically but mentally like he is. Open communication is so important and as much as you are telling him your concerns he doesn’t seem to be listening. I just get the feeling that your Dom is looking for a slave and not a sub.

 

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[Sparrow69]

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Sarah I find a big difference between the trust involved in allowing a Dom to tie me up versus taking nude pictures.
Being bound is something that you can call safe word to end and also decided on a scene by scene basis as to whether you will continue.
Pictures are completely different because once they are taken you no longer have a real choice about how those pictures will be used.

I'd like to point out something i think your overlooking subspace... the use of a safe word is hinged on that very trust. Once your tied up, while its prudent for a dome to stop when i safe word is used, that doesn't mean that he absolutely has to. Granted choosing to constitutes a fist full of felonies, but it is a choice, and i do believe that's what people are saying.

If you trust him enough to put yourself in such a vulnerable situation such as being tied up, then why not trust him with the pictures?

 

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[sarah555]

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I haven't read every response but i will give you my feelings.

I give my subs 1 hard limit, 1. That limit is picked before anything ever occurs. all other agreements are made, and can be discussed later, but that one hard limit will never ever be broken. They know this, i know this, everything is out in the open.

As a photographer, and an artist, pictures are in face a deal maker/breaker for me. If a sub doesn't trust me enough to take their picture, then there is no reason to go any farther, because there can be no trust issues in this life stlye.

Now im not saying its a requirement for all relationships for everyone, but for me its a pretty big one. I see the human body as art, and sexuality as art, so to capture that on my chosen medium, is truly stunning, because that moment, that stitch in time, will never again be exactly repeated.

Hi Sparrow, I think my master and you must have similar thoughts. He only gave me only one hard limit, and that is no anal. And he said I can't have any more.

As for the pictures, I am really griefing today, because, although I thought we parted happily this morning, he completely ignores me the rest of the day, I don't know if that is how he chooses to end this. End of the day, I think, even though now we again agreed on no head shots, I think it's still not enough for him. He wants full authority to do whatever he wants with me.

And I understand that doms also have the right to set what they are willing and not willing to compromise on.

I'm really sad that my master choose this way to end it instead of just telling me straight though. Wished he didn't raise my hopes and wasted my time on the reconciling part.

 

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[Sparrow69]

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sometimes, its best to just cut your losses. as has been said in this thread, sarah, it doesnt seem like this is the best match for you. There is someone out there for you, a dominant partner, who understands and is willing to discuss your reservations before beginning anything.
I'd say, for your sake, in the future, you need to list photos and anal as hard limits, and be upfront about it.

If it is over with him, and it has been ended, dont dwell on it like so many, go out and find someone who fulfills your needs and their own, and keep moving forward with your life and happiness. Good luck in your future endeavors.

 

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