Well that was a surprise...:D

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by subarama30, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

    Last night we were getting frisky in the bedroom and he pulls out the belt tie from his dressing gown (obviously pre-planned as he wasn't wearing his dressing gown when we went to bed!) and tied my wrists to the head of the bed which I totally wasn't expecting since I didn't think anything was on the cards so soon. I even said we didn't have to do anything like that yet but he was insistant on trying.

    Anyway, we had sex like that - though he did ask a few times if I was ok. He even slapped me around the face a little (though REALLY soft coz I could tell he wasn't too sure if that was too far) and he really tried to be more forceful which was great, he even forced me to give him a blow job tied up like that while he was sitting on my chest.

    I however failed miserably at the talking stuff, I think I was so shocked how quickly he'd taken to things and turned on that my mind blanked out and I couldn't think of a damned thing to say.

    Then, later on in the living room we had just been chatting about something totally non-sexual and he just pulls his cock out and says 'oh just suck on this' like a joke but I started touching him and it turned into another blowjob only he grabbed the back of my head and was REALLY shoving his cock into my mouth totally fucking my mouth until I almost gagged which he has NEVER done in the past and told me 'you're gonna swallow it all this time' as I usually avoid it at the last minute ;)

    Afterwards he said he was more 'adaptable' than I thought and said that next time in bed he wanted my ankles tied too so he 'has full access'. He also said that when he sees me around the house during the day he wants to touch my pussy when he gets the urge (not do anything more than that, just feel me up) but that he'd been worried I might pull away so I said he could touch me whenever he wanted now.

    OMG I've created a monster :eek:

    Needless to say I'm a happy gal, obviously I just need to work on his hesitance a bit in that I could tell he was worried now and then that he was maybe going too far with me so maybe this is the time to have the safeword talk so he can just go with what he wants without worrying so much.

    It was a very positive start though, I had been worried that once I was tied up he wouldn't really know what to do with me, like it might overwhelm him but now I think with a few pointers he could be a real Dom in the making.

    Thanks guys for your support. I'm going toy hunting now, will keep you posted ;)
     
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    It's amazing what a little communication will do, isn't it? Just keep talking to him about what each of you likes and wants to try and what you can do better.
     
  3. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

    Oh dear, think I've scared him now!

    After last night I guess I got a little over excited about the whole thing and went and ordered some things online. When I mentioned it to my partner he looked a bit freaked and was like 'oh what have I started?'.

    I am thinking now that maybe now he's slept on it he wasn't really ready to take it this far and is regretting it. He did mention how he must not satisfy me enough for me to need all this, albeit in a jokey way but I'm worried he thinks it's true. Also mentioned about lovers in the past doing it for me so I think he might have felt like he'd be failing if he didn't do it for me.

    I feel pretty crappy now after the high of last night. I don't know what to do? I've told him we don't have to do kinky stuff all the time and it can just be an added extra sometimes but I don't think he believes me.
     
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  4. kajmir

    kajmir Member

    In my humble opinion:

    Seems he liked what he was doing well enough last night and he might just take to the toys and such after he has a little fun with with them. I don't think you should feel badly, you've not done anything wrong besides expresses some needs and wants. I think you should keep talking and playing with him, let him adjust and gain some confidence for himself.

    I think if I was you, and I am not, I'd remind him 9 years a is a long time, obivously you're not that dissatified with him or the relationship. But you have some honest kinks that you'd like met once in a while. And if he was so able to jump into it last night, he has a little kink himself. Think I'd also mention that these lovers ARE in the past, with all due respect to your issues of the past, I'd clearify that that you realize he is NOT them, you don't expect it nor do you miss them, this about you, NOW, not them.
     
  5. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    I would talk to your partner again.

    Remember what sebastian said? About how amazing a little communication is? Yeah keep doing that, maybe he isnt really freaked out, maybe he thought it was fun, you cant know unless you ask him!
     
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  6. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

    Well we have talked some more and he seems receptive to the idea again, we even looked at stuff online together so he could get an idea of what's out there and he even asked about porn and what he would be looking for - I think for pointers but I told him that I didn't think bondage/bdsm porn was a good idea for learning as they are generally pretty hardcore and I'm not into anything extreme.

    He has been asking a lot of questions about how I got into this, I think he is genuinely interested in how I tick which is a good thing. He said he wanted to make sure there was nothing else though, like I wasn't going to come out with something in another 9yrs time lol
     
  7. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    yeah they are pretty extreme, and I've found that I have very specific BDSM tastes that often dont match up with the videos (for instance, I dont like it when girls are crying or scared that thats like 90% of kink videos I've seen haha)

    Its better to explore BDSM related websites instead
     
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  8. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Remember that doms as well as subs have limits. Don't ask too much of him too quickly. The two of you need to learn and grow together, and you've got years to do that, so go slowly.
     
  9. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

    I know, I think I got ahead of myself in more ways then one.

    I've been very emotional these past few days and really clingy/needy, I've been thinking a lot about my ex and the fucked up shit that happened. I wasn't expecting things to hit me so strongly. I want to move forward with my current partner so I'm thinking about telling him exactly what happened so that maybe I can deal with it better but I don't think I can say it to his face so was thinking of writing it all down.

    I'm worried how he'll react though. It all wasn't very pleasant.
     
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  10. Kor

    Kor Member

    Depending on how he grew up, it can be a hell of a thing to come to terms with. Not to mention the potential social problems should it become known to others.

    At the very least, it adds yet another layer of complexity to the couple dynamic, not always a welcome thing. Plus it can make an eventual breakup even nastier if things go that way.
     
  11. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Talk, talk, talk! I'm really serious. You need to have regular communication for BDSM to work well, especially in the early stages where you're still learning each other's preferences. What little academic study has been done of BDSM couples find that they have a higher relationship satisfaction than vanilla couples, in large part because there is so much communication and negotiation taking place.
     
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  12. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

    Well I wrote it all down and told him I was writing something for him to look at but then I chickened out and wouldn't let him look at the last minute.

    He knows something is wrong, says I've been distant and gone from being needy to cold with him.

    Shit, this is messed up :( Going to try to let him look tonight maybe.
     
  13. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    What are you afraid of? You've opened up a little, and he was pretty receptive to it. So trust that he's willing to explore with you, and just start telling him what you're feeling. Read through the FAQ for some ideas of things you need to think about in these conversations.
     
  14. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    yeah seriously, the worst he can say is "we're moving too fast"
     
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