Advice/ reassurance/ new to the game :S

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Krissie, Aug 8, 2012.

  1. Krissie

    Krissie New Member

    So, I've been watching BDSM porn since 12. I've loved it, and I love it now, at 17. (16 is legal age in UK)

    But I always thought even though this was my dream I'd just go about in life, have vanilla sex, never find anybody else who was into it, and then get married, and have vanilla sex always with my spouse because he isn't into BDSM.

    But, this guy asked me out last year, and I rejected him. A year later, he tried again and I said yes. He vaguely mentioned that he liked to dominate his women in bed (it was a discussion about our general behaviours. He likes to be a dominant person in general)

    So, on our first date I brought it up. 'So... You said you like to dominate women in bed?' He acted embarrassed and then went 'Well... Yeah.' After a pause, I simply said: 'That's convenient'. He thought for a second, then asked what I meant by that. What I meant was that I've spent years dreaming of being a degraded whore for a master. But obviously I didn't say that. You know, first date. I just stayed silent.

    But on the second 'date' that changed. I was spending the weekend at his; originally there was no sexual motive- I was 'on the rag' when I went to his, and he knew it.

    Things did get carried away though. He did sort of start touching my breasts, and then of COURSE I let him, having my boobs and nipple touch drives me wild! Anyway, we ended up dry humping, roughly. He reduced me to screaming that I was his whore while me pulled my hair to force my head upright whilst spanking me and putting his hands on my neck. Funnily enough, that's when I discovered that I like asphyxiation. Hell, it's amazing what you'd do on a second date when you haven't had sex for a year.

    Anyway, a few facebook chat conversations later and after jokingly calling him 'Sir', he told me he wanted to train me. I definitely accepted, I was delighted!

    Third date we went to the woods and he stripped me topless, pinched and spanked my nipples, then I sucked his cock. I was nervous at first... Well, I was paranoid that people would stumble upon us. So I got the nervous giggles, so he slapped he in the face, and made me bend over (with my hands leaning against a tree) and spanked my ass.

    Here are some main points that he mentioned:

    'When we're in session, you will call me Master and I will refer to you as a whore. You will no longer be K-------- M---- during these sessions. Only a remnant will remain of you during the session.
    The session will be painful and pleasurable. I will hurt you and pleasure you for reward. You will ask me to do anything before doing anything. You need my permission.

    I will give you three chances during the session. When I award these chances, you will have the opportunity to end the session there and then.

    My training will cover everything sexual and you will learn to be obedient and submissive.
    This covers from plain ol' fucking to oral sex.
    Before the session begins, we'll going through the preparation.
    Of course, I won't start with anything big. I'll break you into it slowly, so you have time to adapt to it.
    Our preparation may cover shaving your genitals and putting on make up. Or a piece of clothing that I might have brought with me.
    Eventually, I will perform an enema on you, because we'll engage in anal sex. It is part of the training.'​

    He also mentioned on our third date that he would like me to do a 'journal'. I was dreading him asking this, because I can't even be motivated to do a proper personal diary, so this? But then he said: 'I order you.' So bum. I suppose this will be pretty fun though.

    Plus I'm a Klismaphiliac. I don't feel like a very normal person because of this, but on the other hand it's quite a fitting part of BDSM, so I'm really excited. I'm scared to tell him about this straightforward, so I just left hints. He's real brainy, so I'm sure he can add 2+2 on this.

    Anyway... I'm not sure what I'm asking, or how much to ask. For a start, I guess I need to tell someone how happy I am that this is happening. I never thought I'd find someone that is not only into BDSM, but dominant!

    And also... I'm still pretty new to this. What can I expect? He says he plans things meticulously. And he's smart, so I take it even though I'm his first slave it will hardly be a botch job. He hasn't told me much, and because of his work he is too drained to talk online at night, and we haven't seen each other much. Three times, actually. But we've known each other for over a year and a half, we are in the same friend group.

    Also, I'm super nervous to be honest (being overweight makes me self concious, I've dropped 48lb and need 48 more. That contributes to the nerves. Hopefully, we don't see each other that much at all, and by the time we properly get into this, I'll be thinner.)

    But yes, I would like reassurance, links, tips, advice... Anything you can throw at me. I would be super grateful, it would mean a lot to me :D

    Ciao <3
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  2. Roland

    Roland Member

    First of all, congratulations on finding someone to dom you; it sounds like you are very satisfied with the relationship thus far. Before members here start answering all the questions you have, you should first read the newcomer's FAQ in its entirety. But I will say the following:

    My sub wife keeps a journal and we find it to be mutually beneficial, especially as it gives her an outlet to express herself, that I can read and learn from later. Doms aren't mind-readers and we need multiple forms of communication to understand the sub's needs.

    In your journal you could say you are excited for your first enema, and then the dom will know you enjoy it, perhaps as a reward. He then may provide enemas to you for good behavior.

    As for what you can expect, it sounds like he laid that out pretty Which is good because it shows his devotion to full disclosure and consensual relations.

    As for your weight, being at a healthy weight, eating a healthy diet, and exercising in a moderate fashion regularly are the keys to a long and happy life. I assume that he wants you to lose weight and is not a "chubby chaser". If that's the case then make sure you take it slow. Dropping your weight too quickly can be unhealthy, too.

    Once again, read the newcomer's FAQ. Good Luck!
  3. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    One thing I didn't see outlined was safe words, and you might want to talk about them with him. (If you don't know what they are, they're code words to say 'stop' for real and retract consent, common ones are 'red' for an absolute or 'yellow' for slow down/let's talk).
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Don't expect your dom to know what you want. Don't 'drop hints'. He's not psychic and it's not fair to expect him to magically figure out what you want. Tell him what turns you on. If you want to try something, respectfully tell him you're curious about it.

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