Is nude pictures essential in D/S Relationships?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sarah555, Nov 18, 2009.

  1. sarah555

    sarah555 Member

    I am in my very first Master and Slave relationship.

    It's only been two months.

    We discussed my limits before we started. But it never occur to me that he'd ever try to take nude pictures of me.

    First time it happened, I freaked out and told him it's over, and walked out.

    But later it was resolved when he asked me back and we spoke about it. He deleted the pictures, and punished me and it was over, I thought that night we had an agreement no nude pictures, period.

    Then another day again, he simply told me, the next day, his gonna take pictures of me, and of course I said, but we agreed to no nude pictures, and he said he agreed to no such thing and his taking nude pictures of me whether I like it or not, if I protest, he'd just tie me up and take it anyway. And it was a whole day of punishment, from him trying to force me to say yes to nude pictures.

    Then, the next day, I told him I will refuse to go to his place unless he promised not to take nude photos. We had a full day of argument about this, then eventually he relent, but I said something pretty offensive, like, "You're not my master anymore if you insist on nude photos." He "uncollared" me for that and took away the name he gave me. But he did not take nude pictures.

    Things went down hill from there, he became colder towards me, and stopped commanding me to do things. I got upset and kept asking him what's wrong, and he just told me not to question him.

    Then he just told me to go home, and then I was just really hurt. I asked him if it was nude pictures and he just said, he doesn't want a disobedient slut, he said I humiliate him by refusing the photos.

    In my view, I only known him 2 months, how can I trust him with nude pictures so soon, and yet his basically telling me it's over unless I agree to nude pictures.

    I'm also confused, as in a normal relationship, if a vanilla guy asked me for nude pictures, and insist on having it, I know his an asshole I should dump.

    But my master, his a dom, he gets joy out of control, and nude pictures is another form of control. Should I worry at all? Is this normal for doms to demand nude pictures from their subs??
  2. All limits, on both sides, should be discussed and agreed on before any form of play begins. If you genuinely have a problem with him taking nude pictures of you, then he should respect that, and if he doesn't, then it sounds like you'd be better off finding someone more considerate to master you.
  3. sarah555

    sarah555 Member

    My problem is trust. I'm just afraid if things ever turn ugly, he'd use them to blackmail me.
  4. He clearly needs to earn your trust.

    Please don't take this the wrong way, because I don't mean it nasty, but the reason why you don't want pics taking is not the most important thing here. What is important, is the fact that you simply do not want the pics taken. This is what should be taken into consideration.

    If you feel that strongly about it, then he should accept that. From how you've decsribed it, you have already tried to stress this, and received nothing positive in return. Your safety is paramount, and if you feel you can't trust him, then he's probably not the right person for you :(
  5. Martello

    Martello Member

    Well, I'm gogin to say - there has to be some level of trust if you're being restrained and so on. However, he's already broken an agreement on a pretty big issue. that makes it a lie really. Not only does he recant but also denied he ever even made such an agreement. For me trust would be gone forever with that alone.

    I'd imagine he's not safe in the long run. One way or another you're better off without.
  6. sarah555

    sarah555 Member

    I'm kinda confuse, because the point of the relationship is for him force me to do things I'm not willing to do right?
    I'm just trying to figure if this was all part of his dominance play, or is he needing the pictures for "security" reasons against me.

    Thing is, he promised the pictures are for his eyes only. And his really respectful of safe words. The nude pictures, he has always badger me to agree to it, it was like such a big deal to him. And I am just not ready for it. But is he suppose to respect his slave's wants anyway? It's complicated because of his job is to force me to do what I don't want to do isn't it?

    If this was vanilla, it's clear cut to me, the guy is an asshole. But I don't know if my master is being an ass, or it's just how it is.
  7. Zandar

    Zandar Member

    There are things you rather not have happen to you. Those are the grey area's with bounderies that can be pushed and become part of the 'fun to be forced to do' area.
    And there are things you simply not want to happen. The things you do not want to happen for whatever reason and simply should not happen.

    Two things have some things in common, but are not the same.

    If you dont want pictures being take of you when you are most vulnerable, then this should simply not happen. No buts, no ifs, no 'do it by force anyway'.

    If your master cant live with that, please find all the power you have and say goodbye. And no, no 'last time' so he can take some pictures anyway. You are worth better and able to find it.
  8. sarah555

    sarah555 Member

    I guess the problem is that I've developed feelings for my master. And he keeps telling me it's humiliating to him if he can't take pictures of me, and that he doesn't want a disobedient slave. Told me all subs do photos and that I'm not a sub if I don't do photos.

    Apparently previous subs he had, had no issues with photos. i don't know why this element of it became so important to him.

    I guess as a sub, it's very difficult when you're master is rejecting you, because you can't give him something he wants. And inside, you don't like his displeasure and want to please him.
  9. Zandar

    Zandar Member

    Sorry, but thats just not true.

    I am pretty sure there are loads of people out there that can live with picture being taken and even consider it kinky or horny or whatever to look at them at a later time or just for the 'feeling o power' of it.
    But there are also loads of people out there that do not want to have their picture taken, simply for the one reason that pictures have this habbit of showing up again at a random moment in the future. This moment can be your private 25-year celebration, when your master is in bad need of some $$$ and anything in between.

    If you dont want the pictures being taken of you, then he/she has to live with that.
    If your master likes to look at you, let him/her tie you up for many hours in front of a very comfortable chair. Also great for you since you get to spend more time with him/her ;)
  10. sarah555

    sarah555 Member

    Guess end of the day, it's all about trust isn't it? I've been married, and there were many things I would never allow my x- husband to do to me I've allowed this master to. I've grown so eager to please him, and he keeps demanding more and more from me, making me break limits. The thing is, all the other limits he'd make me broke, I no longer see them as limits, it's tolerable to me now. It is my first time being a slave with a real master. I'm still grappling with alot emotional baggage from the failure of my marriage. When I first went to my master, I thought I was just disintegrating. I went from a husband who only wanted to give me sweet loving sex, kisses all over, gentle sex, to now, allowing a man to constantly humiliate me sexually. But there is something addictive about uncomfortable.
  11. Emma

    Emma Member

    Just because its a m/s relationship doesnt mean he has the right to do what he wants to if you're really that against it. I think in regards to certain things its the exact same as a "normal relationship" and as you already said you wouldnt allow a boyfriend take these pictures. However, if you do wish to continue this then why dont you make a compromise, nude pictures but with no face. This cuts out your fear and still gives him what he wants. But to be completely honest with you i would never stay in a relationship no matter what kind if someone was pushing me that much about something i felt that strongly about.
  12. GreyMac

    GreyMac Member

    First of all, Sarah555, I'm not siding against you. However I'd like to see if I can frame this from your dominant's point of view. I'm also not saying he's right or wrong. But he sees this problem in a very different light than you do.

    The two of you had your limits talk and you did not mention "No Photos". Yet when he demanded photos you flatly said no and "freaked out and walked out". At that point he felt you had challenged his authority and you were not being submissive.

    You question his motives and say that you don't know what he wants the pictures for,

    "I'm just trying to figure if this was all part of his dominance play, or is he needing the pictures for "security" reasons against me."

    Yet you allow this man to tie you up naked and make you completely helpless and trust him to not harm you and to let you go if you need to get free.

    I can tell you why he wants them, men are extremely visual creatures. We need to see it. It's hard for the male mind to visualize things and we like pictures . He wants them so he can think and fantasize about you when you're not around. AND, as a dominant, he wants you to give in on this point so he can have the confidence and control he had before you took it away from him by refusing to do something you had never mentioned was a hard limit. Again, I'm not saying you are wrong but I'd be willing to bet that's how he sees this entire issue.

    Now it has become a major issue to the point where he is really only willing to take you back if you give in on the point where you walked out on him. His pride is injured and he feels that you giving in on this point is the only way to get 'justice' in his mind. He is losing interest in further activities. You say you ask him "What's wrong?" but you already know the answer to that question.

    The two of you need a long talk about trust. I agree with everyone else here, if it's a hard limit for you then he needs to respect that. There should be no more play until the two of you discuss your trust issues, because this in not really about pictures, it's about trust. Go back and read that sentence quoted above where you mention "security" reasons', again. You don't trust him. Do you hold a sensitive position with government or a financial institution, perhaps?

    Is there a workable compromise here? Can he use your camera and leave it at your house? Can you edit the photos so that your face doesn't show and he can have copies of those pics? See if you can work out a compromise that lets you feel you're protected and let's him feel he's in charge again.
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2009
  13. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    i will agree with grey he has a point
  14. Zandar

    Zandar Member

    Really no need for pictures

    Now I can understand GreyMac that there might, without prior setup, have been created a grey (whats in a name?) area. From your (sarah555) posts it is indeed not 100% clear if you two have it absolutely clear this is a hard limit.

    If you set "no (nude) pictures" clearly as a hard limit, then we are done discussing: No is no. Maybe have another talk with him if being unclear at the start might have caused this situation, but not give in. Maybe have another talk if this is just his/her way of trying to get what he/she wants anyway. But be ready to walk away and find someone better. You are worth it.
    If you have not set this clearly as a hard limit, then there is nothing from stopping YOU to still set it as a hard limit and whatever his/her emotions about this is: If he/she is not willing to respect that, there will also never be trust.

    A part of GreyMac posts might put you in doubt, so I simply have to reply to this:
    This simply not true. We (men) do NOT NEED it. I am pretty sure most of us LIKE or WANT it (yes, including me), but we sure do NOT need it.
    It might be hard for you to visualize things, but not impossible. With a little practice you get a long way. Sure, a pictures might help a lot, but at the end of the day you are still fantasizing.

    Especially in this case: The master seems to have a lot of pictures of previous subs. Let him replace the face in his imagination together with all the other stuff he is changing / adding to the picture in his mind. No big deal. Maybe (yes, only MAYBE) you could consider giving him a picture of you in your swimsuit, so he/she has a face and some 'features' to build his/her fantasy on. But there is absolutely no need.

    If a men / master needs a picture to be in control, then be honest about it that you are doing something wrong in the first place. You might as well ask the sub for his/her creditcard or housekeys if you need something materialised to stay in control :rolleyes: . As long as your country does not formaly re-introduces slavery and your sub becomes your slave, you will never ever be 100% in control, no mather what you do. Learn to live with that. Fix that last tiny bit in the setup you create with your sub (collar, chains, ritual, a ring, whatever), not with something that is outside hard limits.

    Lets not give sarah555 any reason to doubt about. Yes, maybe sarah555 needs to have a good talk and make 100% clear what the hard limit is, but no, there is no need to allow the master to make pictures. Respect eachother and play on.
  15. Emma

    Emma Member

    I have to disagree with people saying that if it was not discussed as a limit then you can see the dom's point of view. Sarah has said that this her first time engaging in this type of relationship, therefore, how could she know all of her limits starting off. Shes learning new things and im sure there are a lot of things she didnt even consider such as nude pictures.

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