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Ceilidh · Jul 5, 2011

Randomguy86 said:
Thats really sad to hear about you loosing two little ones. I can't imagine what it would of been like to deal with that. You must be a very strong and brave person and I really hope this one goes well for you : )

Thanks. I guess I am a strong person. Perhaps having my daddy issues helped me with that, because to everyone I seemed strong. But inside I wasn't. I wouldn't let myself cry in front if anyone. Not even my hubby. If I started to cry I would stop myself everytime. He literally had to I guess scold me about stopping myself from crying, and he also told me it was okay to cry.

And you can ask Sebastian, for this one in the beginning I was a nervous wreck - in fear of something going wrong - up until right after I got my stitches a few weeks ago. Now my new fear is having this baby early, because I know his chances at survival if he was to come today are much greater than my previous one. I believe I have been "nesting" with all of the cleaning I have been doing. So because of my OCD cleaning I'm afraid I will be delivering a month or two early.

Randomguy86 · Jul 6, 2011

Ceilidh said:
Thanks. I guess I am a strong person. Perhaps having my daddy issues helped me with that, because to everyone I seemed strong. But inside I wasn't. I wouldn't let myself cry in front if anyone. Not even my hubby. If I started to cry I would stop myself everytime. He literally had to I guess scold me about stopping myself from crying, and he also told me it was okay to cry.

And you can ask Sebastian, for this one in the beginning I was a nervous wreck - in fear of something going wrong - up until right after I got my stitches a few weeks ago. Now my new fear is having this baby early, because I know his chances at survival if he was to come today are much greater than my previous one. I believe I have been "nesting" with all of the cleaning I have been doing. So because of my OCD cleaning I'm afraid I will be delivering a month or two early.

I've heard of people being conditioned not to cry or show weakness from influences beyond their control. I know someone very well who had an awful violent relationship with her parents (mainly her dad) and it took a very long time and lots of listening and getting to know her to get really any kind of emotion other than anger and self loathing from her. It makes me hate her parents to think how they they do that shit to a defenseless child.

Anyway I'm sure this pregnancy will go perfect for you and you will have a beautiful baby boy or girl in your arms soon : )

Randomguy86 · Jul 6, 2011

subarama30 said:
As for once a week, I wouldn't say it's bad, it's when it gets to like once a month or more I would start to worry. Has she always had a lower sex drive than you? Also how young is your child? If baby is still waking up in the night etc that can really drag you down after a while. I was up at 4.20am this morning with my 5month old and it aint fun when they are smiling at you and not going back to sleep arrgghhhh lol

And I am a total coward, it has taken me 9 long damn years to be totally honest about my kinks with my other half, I was just sort of giving him bits and pieces over the years but finally couldnt stand it anymore and just had to get it all out in the open. He was more receptive to things than I thought and wasn't as freaked out as I feared so try not to worry about her running for the hills - I'm sure your kinks aren't THAT bad - or are they? Do tell, always like to hear something really depraved

Actually the more I think about it might be less than once a week : (

I even offer all the time for oral sex and say I just want to please her but usually just get 'I haven't been for a shower' or just a flat out no. It feels pretty shit to be constantly rejected. And I'm usually up for ages at night over analysing everything to try and see if I did anything to annoy her plus now I'm worried I have said too much on this forum and she will find me : ( She is really good at researching shit on the net.

Oh and I suppose I've always had the higher sex drive but still and our girl is 15 months old.

Ceilidh · Jul 6, 2011

Randomguy86 said:
I've heard of people being conditioned not to cry or show weakness from influences beyond their control. I know someone very well who had an awful violent relationship with her parents (mainly her dad) and it took a very long time and lots of listening and getting to know her to get really any kind of emotion other than anger and self loathing from her. It makes me hate her parents to think how they they do that shit to a defenseless child.

Anyway I'm sure this pregnancy will go perfect for you and you will have a beautiful baby boy or girl in your arms soon : )

I can understand your friend. Even though Owen died 6 years ago I still despise him. And then I feel guilty for hating someone who is dead. All I ever wanted from him was love and to be a daddy's girl. The only reason I spent any time with him was because his daughter - who is 3 years older than I - wanted to spend time with me - she wanted to be a big sister. We have an okay relationship and I resent her a bit for having what I always wanted. But we can't change the past can we? I mean we can't change the fact the first time I found out who my father was and that he even existed, I was 12 and the first time we met was at him mother funeral. And the fact when my mom was pregnant with me, he offered her 200$ to have an abortion.

Oh and thanks. It's a boy.

Randomguy86 · Jul 6, 2011

Oh wow, that is fd up about your dad : (

So did you grow up without a dad at all, like did your mum have another husband b/f or anything? Or was it just you and your mum?

Sorry to pry. Just tell me to f off if I ask anything too personal.

Ceilidh · Jul 6, 2011

I don't mind telling you.

Randomguy86 · Jul 6, 2011

Ceilidh said:
I don't mind telling you.

: )

subarama30 · Jul 6, 2011

Randomguy86 said:
Actually the more I think about it might be less than once a week : (

I even offer all the time for oral sex and say I just want to please her but usually just get 'I haven't been for a shower' or just a flat out no. It feels pretty shit to be constantly rejected. And I'm usually up for ages at night over analysing everything to try and see if I did anything to annoy her plus now I'm worried I have said too much on this forum and she will find me : ( She is really good at researching shit on the net.

Oh and I suppose I've always had the higher sex drive but still and our girl is 15 months old.

I can understand where she is coming from about the oral thing. I think women can be more paranoid about this, men can sometimes not care if they are clean or smell etc sorry ewww

Anyway, I used to have issues with my partner going down there unless Id had a bath/shower like 10 seconds before lol but now I'm a bit more relaxed in that he tells me he likes how I smell/taste and that I've never smelt bad or anything so maybe that could be her issue. Or simply that some of us ladies just have issues letting go like that, maybe you should talk about it with her.

And over analysing is never good for any of us - I should know

I think you definately need to be more open with her about how you feel. I know what it's like to be rejected. We went through a phase a few yrs back where it seemed like my partner never wanted sex know no matter what I did - I made it clear I was up for it all the time, even came downstairs one night dressed as a naughty schoolgirl in stockings and everthing (he has a thing for uniforms) and was told he wasn't in the mood. I was gutted to say the least. Anyway, turned out he was under a lot of stress about work/money etc and was drinking too much and worried about performance issues so was avoiding sex in case he couldn't get a hard on/wouldn't stay up. Long story short, his issues were affecting our sexlife and he wasn't talking so I felt shit and thought he didn't want me anymore.

Have a sitdown and talk in a non-accusing way. Dont be all 'I need more sex what the hell is wrong with you?!' lol Just explain how you feel unwanted and need some affection.

subarama30 · Jul 6, 2011

Ceilidh said:
I can understand your friend. Even though Owen died 6 years ago I still despise him. And then I feel guilty for hating someone who is dead. All I ever wanted from him was love and to be a daddy's girl. The only reason I spent any time with him was because his daughter - who is 3 years older than I - wanted to spend time with me - she wanted to be a big sister. We have an okay relationship and I resent her a bit for having what I always wanted. But we can't change the past can we? I mean we can't change the fact the first time I found out who my father was and that he even existed, I was 12 and the first time we met was at him mother funeral. And the fact when my mom was pregnant with me, he offered her 200$ to have an abortion.

Oh and thanks. It's a boy.

Just wanted to say that I really feel for what you've gone through Ceilidh, I have never lost any children far along but have had a lot of early losses and it can really mess you up not to mention the stuff with your dad. Family, they can suck.

Randomguy86 · Jul 6, 2011

Thanks for the insight subarama!

Yea I know I really have to have a good talk but Im dreading it soo much : ( Just so god damn anxious that she will get mad with me and we will end up fighting and I really don't want that because we get really nasty towards each other.

Guess I just really need to vent while getting the balls to talk with her.

I only ever want to please her and get so incredibley worried all the time that I have annoyed her somehow that it makes me sick to think about it : ( Call me a pussy or whatever I don't really care anymore. I don't have any friends except her. I don't know if this is healthy or not...

Thanks for the reply

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