First time used

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Randomguy86, Jun 30, 2011.

  1. Randomguy86

    Randomguy86 Member

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    Hi everyone

    This is my first post on here. Just wanted to say hi, im a 25/m and my g/f used me for a sex slave the other night for the first time and I loved every second of it.

    Just wanted to tell someone as Im too shamed to let my g/f know how much I actually enjoyed it.

    Hopefully reading other peoples experiences on here will give me the courage to speak up and hopefully explore more with my g/f.

    Anyway, thanks for listening and am looking forward to some great reading and meeting other people with similar tastes.
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2011
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Welcome to the forum! Don't be shy; post here and join the conversation.

    And if you've been reading the posts, you'll be able to guess what I'm about to say: you need to talk to your gf and let her know what you enjoyed and what you didn't enjoy. Good healthy bdsm requires communication. You already know that she enjoys bdsm to some extent, so she's unlikely to freak out when you tell her you enjoyed yourself, and if you haven't said anything, she might misinterpret that and decide you didn't like it and that you don't want to do it again. So speak up!
  3. kajmir

    kajmir Member

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    "You already know that she enjoys bdsm to some extent, so she's unlikely to freak out when you tell her you enjoyed yourself, and if you haven't said anything, she might misinterpret that and decide you didn't like it and that you don't want to do it again. So speak up!"

    -Nods Violently-
  4. chaoticist

    chaoticist New Member

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    Definitely tell her you enjoyed it. If you have some really far out fetish, then maybe keep quiet about it for a while - but you have to tell her you loved what happened, and listen to how she felt also. And most importantly, set up a repeat :)

    It took me quite a while before I became totally open about my sexual preferences, but once I did, things just got so much easier. I started by telling my gf of the time, she was a bit surprised, but reacted well, and actually admitted to having some curiosity about trying some mild bdsm things too - so that worked out good. After that, I was just open with everyone I dated, after the first few dates and some level of attraction and interest developed. Contrary to my expectations, I found quite a lot more women were open to some of these things than I had expected, and more than a few times, I scored precisely *because* I was openly kinky - you'd be surprised how many women are fascinated by that stuff and want to try some of it, if they know you lean that way, they're more likely to approach you or drop some pretty heavy hints.

    So, I'd strongly recommend being more open and communicative. If you are nervous, just open up one step at a time, and if it goes well, move onto the next step. That way you don't risk too much. Shame is there to be blown up and destroyed in spectacular fashion - living shamelessly is far more fun ;)
  5. Ceilidh

    Ceilidh Member

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    Yes randomguy! Talk to your gf!

    I know talking about this subject is difficult, but isn't the best things in life worth it? And since she is the one who treated you like a sex slave you already know she is into this. So to speak the ball is in your court.

    Here is some ideas on what to say:
    "I really enjoyed it when you (fill in blank with something she did when you were her sex slave)"
    Or as you are in the act ask her to tie you down or something specific.

    Just don't be afraid to ask for what you want. I ask my other half all the time to tie me down, because I love it. I love being at his mercy and never knowing what he will do to me next.
  6. Randomguy86

    Randomguy86 Member

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    Hey everyone

    Thanks for the warm welcome and advise : )

    I think next time we do something I will ask for her to tie me up! She even did something that she wasnt game enough to do for ages during our last time which I hope means that she liked what we were doing heaps and made her comfortable enough.

    Think I might keep my deepest to my myself for a while yet. hahaha. Don't want to freak her out : (

    Just curious if there are any other male subs my age on here?
  7. Ceilidh

    Ceilidh Member

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    I may not be a male. But I was the same age as you when I discovered my submissive side.

    And even though that was over a year ago we haven't been able to explore veryuch or often due to living arrangements and my health.

    Another thing is even though you are the sub, tell her when she does something you like. It will give her confidence in what she us doing. Also I suggest lots of research and learn how to be safe!! You don't want anything going numb while you are tied up. And do not hesitate to let her know if anything doesn't feel right.
  8. Randomguy86

    Randomguy86 Member

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    Its funny. I thought for ages that I had top tendencies but recently i have been wanting more and more to be dominated to the point where its pretty much all i think about. lol. Wish my partner had the same sex drive though : (

    Just a random thought....
  9. Randomguy86

    Randomguy86 Member

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    Do you think it's more common for men or women to be submissive? Or equal?

    Still haven't progressed any furthur with gf. Been hinting heaps though : (

    Do people still have sex after having kids? Hahaha. Just kidding but really how many times a week does everyone else have sex that has kids?
  10. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

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    I've heard it's more common for men, but I'd say about equal.

    You should probsbly go past just hinting. And I think there was a thread called 'Sex after baby' or something a month ago, I'll look for the link.
  11. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

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    I don't think there is a set amount per week when you have kids. I have kids and it changes things but not necessarily negatively.

    Yes, we can't just get down and dirty in the middle of living room at lunchtime with little ones running about but we still make time for it, even if it's not full sex because one (or both) of us is tired we will still fool around and do SOMETHING. You can have quickies during nap time, it helps to be spontaneous and seize the moment when you have children.

    It's very important to keep the intimacy level there once the kids come along so you still feel connected as a couple. Even if me and my guy haven't had penetration for awhile we will have done everything but full sex pretty much every day. I have the higher sex drive so he knows that I need something to keep me going in between sex ;)

    Oh and I would say it's about equal with the submissive thing, although I think the difference is more in what male and female subs enjoy in terms of humiliation, pain etc.
  12. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    I think subarama is right. I think men and women are dominant or submissive in roughly equal percentages, although the usual estimate is that there are more subs of either sex than doms of either sex. But our culture discourages women from being dominant and men from being submissive, so that skews the way that people make sense of their desires.

    If you're going to ask your gf to tie you up, the two of you should have a fairly serious and open conversation about kink play. Tied up in bondage is not the place to discover that what she wants to do is not what you want to do. Something like tying your wrists with a scarf or blindfolding you is probably safe, but like Ceilidh said, you both need to know something about what can go wrong with bondage.

    At a bare minimum, here's what your conversation about bondage should involve:
    1) Establishing a safe word or two (see the FAQ for an explanation of what safe words are)
    2) Telling her what you absolutely don't want her doing while you're tied up (setting hard limits)
    3) Doing a little research with her about what is safe and what's not safe to do with bondage. Numbness is a number one warning sign that a limb needs to be untied. For some basic ties, she doesn't need to know a lot, but she does need to understand the very basics.
    And if you can talk about this much, you can probably talk about almost anything unless you've got some really extreme fantasies that she might not be ready for.

    There are two things that are necessary for rewarding exploration of BDSM: communication and courage. If you have the first and not the second, it's all just talk. If you have the second and not the first, it's cheating on your partner. If you have neither, you don't have anything. So although talking to her seems scary right now, you need to find the courage to do it. I guarantee that it will go ok. You can do it. We've got your back.
  13. Randomguy86

    Randomguy86 Member

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    Wow. Thanks for some great advice Sebastian and everyone else.

    I think we would only be using cotton scarfs at the moment so Im not really worried about limbs going numb or anything as I would be able to get out if I needed to : )

    Yea, gotta build up the courage to have a more in depth talk with her and find the time. lol.

    Well we are probably having sexual contact about once a week, is that bad? She just seems to never be in the mood but I'm wanting it like 24/7 : (

    How long did it take you to tell your other half your biggest deepest desire (throwing it out to anyone who wants to answer)?

    Im pretty sure she would scream and run into the hills never to be seen again if I told her mine : ( hahahahahahaha
  14. Randomguy86

    Randomguy86 Member

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    Oh and

    ' we've got your back'

    Thanks sebastian ; )
  15. Ceilidh

    Ceilidh Member

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    I have a kid. And well if I had my choice right now I would be having sex daily if not multiple times a day. Seriously, my sex drive has increased that much - I'm pregnant btw. However we are afraid to have sex due to my recent medical complications and the fact I have stitches and I can only imagine the pain I would endure if I ripped them, so we are trying to be "better safe than sorry"

    But I would say during a normal time when my sex drive isn't in overdrive - lol - I would say we would have sex a couple of times a week when it is convient for us.

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