ReallyGreen
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MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Lets say you find a potential partner (Craigslist, Backpage, the bar...etc). With emails and such be sure to exchange pictures and get a general idea of what the other person wants (are they dom, sub or a switch? can they play weekends or only on tuesday nights? can they host, or do they have to drive to your house?).
Once you're ready for RL interaction:
1. Meet in a public venue for an interview, bars at lunch hour are usually good & quiet.
2. The first public meeting is an interview, and should be treated as such. Make sure both parties know each other's history (have you done S&M before? have you ever seen a pro-domme? what sort of things haven't you done but want to try?).
3. Assuming the person isn't incredibly creepy, then you can exchange contact information. (typically not your work cell phone).
4. Go home and clean your house. I've had awesome sessions in a spotless single-wide and I've been to 5 bedroom McMansions which are so filthy they shouldn't have been capable of supporting human life. Rule of thumb: If you wouldn't want Better Homes and Gardens photographing your place you probably shouldn't host.
"Hi, how are you? You look good. Can I take your coat? Let me give you a tour of the place. Do you smoke? Can I get you something to drink?"
Start a first session with typical niceties, This person is a stranger in the house and you want to make them comfortable. Once everyone's settled-down and the facilities are used you can cover ground rules;
*Discretion: Assume the other person is hiding their kink from a spouse. (Obviously many people are single.... but better safe than sorry) Don't call the other person unless you want to set something up. Only leave very vague phone messages, you never know if a relative, co-worker or violent boyfriend will check the phone. (Hi, this is Dave call me back at 555-5555). If you happen across each other in a store don't say Hi, just keep shopping.... you never know if anyone else is in the store that knows the other person. There is a time and place for socializing... its during a scene in private.
*Structure: When does the D/s 'roleplaying' start, when does it end? (Typically if the sub is wearing a collar than the session is still going). What is the safeword to stop the play, or use the facilities. Of course I dislike the whole 'please stop it hurts' = 'More please' line of thinking, I'll take "Stop!....... OK, I'm good, had an itch" any day.
*Limits: What you won't be doing together. Be sure to differentiate between 'shouldn't be brought up at all' and 'threatening roleplay that you won't really do' (I'm pretty sure every sub guy has been threatened with forced-bi before, even though you know another guy isn't going to join-in).
*Safe Sex: Has your partner been tested? Can they show you the paperwork? Is it recent? Are they really on the pill? Basically, until its been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, assume your partner has herpes or worse. latex gloves, condoms, dental dams.... or just have the subs finish themselves off at the end of the session (Just like they were paying $200/hour in a NYC dungeon). Catching HIV will affect the number of partners you can attract in 5, 10, 15 years. Don't get stoopid with your life.
*Activity chart: Now find all the BDSM activities you can possibly do and list them in a chart for each partner you have, with categories for; 'Haven't done it, but want to try', 'haven't done it and don't want to try', Don't enjoy, enjoy it, love it. Some activities can be put in a "not looking forward to it, but it makes a great punishment" such as CBT or enemas. Once you get some experience, don't be surprised if things get moved around on the chart... this is normal (Or the old saying: yesterday's limit is tomorrow's fetish).
*S&M limits: Redness, bruising, purple and bleeding from your pores. How hard does the sub want to be hit? Most people have wildly different endurance levels for different body parts and sometimes different tools even.
Once all that is covered you can finally get down to some playtime. What exactly you do is between the two of you, but this is a rundown of a pretty basic FemDom/malesub session.
*Sub strips and is inspected ("hey, nice tattoo!")
*Simple game designed to clear heads and get people in the mood (such as Simon Says, only you get hit with a riding crop when you mess up).
*Some S&M. a good spanking or a paddling are always popular.
*something humiliating (crossdressing, or strap-on play)
*Oral sex performed by the sub (This is skipped with pro-dommes for safety reasons)
*Sub mastrubates during fetish play (foot and ass worship are popular. So are golden showers).
Thats a pretty generic scene. The kind of thing anybody with a hotel room and $200 can order in any major city in America. tailor to fit your kink.
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