not so vanilla
New Member
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Hi, i posted on here a few times a while ago but will give a brief description of my situation so you know what im talking about!
Basically ever since i can remember I've only ever had fantasies in which i feel intimidated nervous or humiliated. I remember being quite young and experimenting with clothes pegs etc!
I suppose i just pushed it aside as i didn't really understand what it was all about and never told anyone. I've been with my husband for 17 years and been married for 8 yrs. I never told him until about this time last year when i read a certain book which everyone on here hates which i can now understand why! However it kind of made me understand what my fantasies were about and gave me the courage to accept it and share it with my husband.
So, he was understanding and said we'd give it a go however we didn't really progress past a few spanking sessions and light bondage. Mainly because he doesn't like reading and seemed to have no interest in learning the ropes so to speak. We then had to put things on hold for a while because of health problems on my part.
However recently the health stuff is improving and he seems interested in moving forward with it and im definitely up for it!
We've agreed to have a reading night once a week, a play session once a fortnight and for him to research the things he wants to try also once a fortnight. I know it sounds regiment but with the kids and work etc time quickly passes by and we end up getting nowhere so we're hoping that planning it will work. Also we agreed he gets to demand sex whenever he wants it within our agreement.
So, im unable to work at the moment so im killing boredom with reading proper BDSM type novels. I understand that my husband doesn't have the time i do and is out of the house 55hrs a week. However i really want to get across to him the little things that are important in being a dom but its difficult as i find it really hard to explain it to him. Its easier to explain the physical stuff but the things that really excite me and help me to get into a submissive frame of mind are the things like how the
is confident in what he's doing and pushes the subs limits but knows when she's had enough and i love subtle things like intense stares and little things that make me feel that he's definitely in control. I told you im bad at explaining!!
so i guess what im asking is is it possible to teach someone to be a dominant when you're a sub yourself? He's naturally quite a dominant person in some ways and can be controlling on some levels ( not in a creepy way just likes things done his way most of the time!) I don't think he would consider a mentor and i wouldn't have a clue where to find one anyway and i have body image issues and am quite shy so i could never see us going out into the local BDSM community. So how does he learn? Can it all be done through reading etc?
i know the books im reading are giving me unrealistic expectations and im not a very patient person and just want things to progress but i really don't know where to go from here.
Sorry for long post and thanks for reading.
Basically ever since i can remember I've only ever had fantasies in which i feel intimidated nervous or humiliated. I remember being quite young and experimenting with clothes pegs etc!
I suppose i just pushed it aside as i didn't really understand what it was all about and never told anyone. I've been with my husband for 17 years and been married for 8 yrs. I never told him until about this time last year when i read a certain book which everyone on here hates which i can now understand why! However it kind of made me understand what my fantasies were about and gave me the courage to accept it and share it with my husband.
So, he was understanding and said we'd give it a go however we didn't really progress past a few spanking sessions and light bondage. Mainly because he doesn't like reading and seemed to have no interest in learning the ropes so to speak. We then had to put things on hold for a while because of health problems on my part.
However recently the health stuff is improving and he seems interested in moving forward with it and im definitely up for it!
We've agreed to have a reading night once a week, a play session once a fortnight and for him to research the things he wants to try also once a fortnight. I know it sounds regiment but with the kids and work etc time quickly passes by and we end up getting nowhere so we're hoping that planning it will work. Also we agreed he gets to demand sex whenever he wants it within our agreement.
So, im unable to work at the moment so im killing boredom with reading proper BDSM type novels. I understand that my husband doesn't have the time i do and is out of the house 55hrs a week. However i really want to get across to him the little things that are important in being a dom but its difficult as i find it really hard to explain it to him. Its easier to explain the physical stuff but the things that really excite me and help me to get into a submissive frame of mind are the things like how the
is confident in what he's doing and pushes the subs limits but knows when she's had enough and i love subtle things like intense stares and little things that make me feel that he's definitely in control. I told you im bad at explaining!!
so i guess what im asking is is it possible to teach someone to be a dominant when you're a sub yourself? He's naturally quite a dominant person in some ways and can be controlling on some levels ( not in a creepy way just likes things done his way most of the time!) I don't think he would consider a mentor and i wouldn't have a clue where to find one anyway and i have body image issues and am quite shy so i could never see us going out into the local BDSM community. So how does he learn? Can it all be done through reading etc?
i know the books im reading are giving me unrealistic expectations and im not a very patient person and just want things to progress but i really don't know where to go from here.
Sorry for long post and thanks for reading.
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