Defending Female Submission, how did I do?

Smallest · Oct 14, 2012

A thing happened on facebook, and I want to know whether I handled it okay.

A lady posted this status on facebook:

Poster: Everywhere I look on the Internet I see pictures of submissive women. I'm sorry but if someone tried to make me submit, I would kick him in the balls.

She is involved in publishing erotica, so I was confused to see her saying this, seeing as submissive or not, I expect her to be sex-positive. Anyway, she revised:

Poster: I think some women are subs but the world is crazy for it now bc of one book [50 Shades]. Most of us can't live that way bc we don't want it and never will

So I'm not too angry at her. Everyone hates 50 Shades. But then these comments happened:

Lady 1: I hate all this submissiveness crap. I'm with you, Em. I would kick them in the balls too
Man 1: No submissive woman is as attractive as an agressive woman - my opinion.
Lady 2: Have to say, if someone snarled along the lines of 'get on your knees at suck it, b****, I'd be far more inclined to laugh, accidentally knee them and croon 'you didnt say please' as I walked out the door.
Lady 3: AGREE!! I see it everywhere. I cannot write the submissive woman. I can write the strong kick your teeth in woman. I can write the street smart woman. I can write the calm, cool, I can handle whatever the world throws at me woman. I can write the world weary independent woman. And all my heroes are men who can pull the more vulnerable side out of these women. The women cry, get hurt, and ingest lots of brownies and booze, but they never submit. They're just too strong. If someone tried to put a dog collar on them, they'd attack like Cujo. HHHHHMMMM......I feel a blog post coming on.
Lady 4: Forget the balls...punch them in the throat, if they keep moving, heel palm to the solar plexus...either one will interrupt breathing. Take no shit, ever.

Anyway, I had to respond. This is where I'm wondering whether I'm okay.

Since I've identified as submissive for years, I'm a bit miffed (more by some of the comments than by you, [Poster]). I know someone already has (your statuses always generate a ton of comments), but let me point out a few things?
Being submissive is an identity or a choice. No man would force someone to submit unless he was a rapist or an abuser, and no submissive would consider themselves submissive based on someone forcing them to be
Likewise, if a man was forcing you to submit, he wouldn't be making you submissive, he'd be making you a rape or assault or false imprisonment victim.

Submissive women are not women who are weak, and are not the antithesis of 'fiery' women or of 'strong' women. They can be both of those things. They choose to submit to a specific person or persons, within set limits. Some are stronger than dominant or neutral women in that they can give this trust, and set their limits and make things done with someone bigger than them who they have pledged to submit to work without abuse, and in that they can stand up for themselves if the 'dominant' turns into an abuser, or if something isn't working out. They give that permission, they take it away, and they are as strong as anyone.

I agree, however, that many of the women who decided they were 'submissive' after reading a shitty book are annoying as fuck. Ones who discovered their identity/sexual preference are not, but most of the women we're referring to aren't in that group.

And [Commenter 3], if you're reading the further comments, please consider learning things about submissive women and men before writing a blog post about how you only like more dominant ones. Maybe you still do, but I found your post insulting.
[Other commenters above] and some others, think before you speak and educate yourselves before you make comments like that.

Regarding photos. It's a BDSM thing, so there's dominance and submission, and since we can assume things are heteronormative, that means submissive women with dominant men or dominant women with submissive men. I don't like submissive men visually, and most of the images of them are meh. Others feel as I do, and thus there is a high circulation of images of women submissives, even though I believe they are less plentiful than male submissives. I can send you some sexy pictures of female dommes with male subs though, if you want.

There is also that even vanilla porn mainly focuses on women, and most D/s porn focuses on the sub, so therefor it logically follows that you'd notice that trend.

ETA- There were, of course, several comments defending female submission and male dominants as well. But they're not the ones that stick out.

Khartas · Oct 14, 2012

...
sounds good to me!

i don't understand quite how it is that people can be so close minded as these ladies. i mean, yeah, 50 shades of shit misrepresents us, but why is a book (or rather a pointless waste of trees) such as that being taken SO seriously? anyone with half of an IQ point knows that its bullshit. its not erotic, you idiots, its sexual abuse.

Smallest · Oct 14, 2012

I hate that the make such uneducated statements. I mean yes, they piss me off for insulting subs and doms both, but the worst part is that they're not using any actual reasons to back themselves.

Khartas · Oct 14, 2012

the uneducated and unfounded speak, and WE get the negative label...
it amazes me....
the incompetent get power while those with a thought and a word against it get blacklisted. i hate humanity some days....

Smallest · Oct 14, 2012

The commenter who was talking about writing a blog post contacted me apologizing for being rash, and has changed some of her opinion (if she writes the blog post, it will be on the horrors of 50 Shades' existence). So that's at least a positive from this. As I said in that response, people should think before they speak.

Khartas · Oct 14, 2012

Smallest said:
people should THINK before they speak.

this makes me laugh. it seems nobody thinks these days.

i am glad she came 'round at least

Knots · Oct 14, 2012

Smallest said:
I hate that the make such uneducated statements. I mean yes, they piss me off for insulting subs and doms both, but the worst part is that they're not using any actual reasons to back themselves.

Is infuriating.

sebastian · Oct 15, 2012

I think you did a reasonably good job responding. About the only thing I might have added is that being submissive is a feminist choice--a submissive woman chooses to be submissive because she's in charge of her sexuality.

Smallest · Oct 15, 2012

Yes, some others made that point and I meant to, but my hands just flew off the keyboard to get that written fast.

SubmissiveGirl16 · Oct 15, 2012

What's funny with their opinion is that they probably never experienced any kind of submission in their sexuality. They are judging something that they know nothing about. I would be so curious to see their opinion if they try it one day.

It is a shame that people keep their close minds with such hypocrisy: we all have fetishes or fantasies. What do you think they love? They have their own secrets, that's for sure.

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