Damage Control

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by thinmint7, Jul 21, 2012.

  1. thinmint7

    thinmint7 Member

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    So through out us trying our kinky sides together my Master is concerned with emotional health and not doing damage through play...I do not see this as a problem at this point, which I have stated. I know he just cares, but I don't want this to limit our play. I have consider if he meant him, but I just think he is worried about me. I mentioned that I felt healthier after sessions when it came to balancing my "two selves", but he seems to think that I could be running from problems or not properly dealing with them. I think it is helpful, not a fix, and wish to continue expressing myself this way.

    How can I get to the bottom of this and let him know I am not being hurt by our sessions? I felt at first it was just time, but I want to help him as much as possible....:)

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    Hi thinmint,
    Do you mean physical or mental damage? Both are very significant things to consider.

    It sounds to me like he is being very responsible.

    Since you are clearly in a long term relationship, have you established times when you can communicate with each other outside of the D/s roleplay? It's a bit like saying a safe word, except it means "hey...let's just talk".

    In that kind of session I think you can tell him directly that you really appreciate his concern, but you are fine.

    Question: Could it be that he's asking you this because he worried about things you are saying or doing, or ways that you may be behaving outside of the roleplay? I don't want to read too much into your question, but is there something specific (outside of his understandable concern for you) that might have triggered his questions?

    I would treat this as a standard "relationship situation" - communicate with each other and try to be as honest as you can.

  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    I agree with everything Stanley said.

    Many subs find BDSM cathartic. Being tortured or humiliated allows them to express some inner pain in a safe way. The first time I really flogged my first slave, he began to cry, the sort of deep, heavy crying that expresses something bottled away for a long time. So I untied him, laid him on the bed, and just let him get it out--he cried for about half an hour. He was expressing a very deep sadness about the way his mother treated him growing up.

    But many doms don't know how to handle that sort of cathartic response to playing. It can be scary to watch, and it may leave them feeling helpless. So is it possible that your dom is reacting to something like this? Have you had an intense catharsis that might had led him to be worrying about this?
  4. thinmint7

    thinmint7 Member

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    Oh, I never considered that. I honestly feel better now lately than I have been, but I don't feel it was related. We talked a little last night and building up the confidence about it seems to be a bit hard. I think that he should definitely feel good and confident about it, but I need to show him that. I feel bad I have a hard time understanding how he feels. I seem to be building this confidence about the kink and through it, myself, where he seems to be the opposite; I don't want any resentment towards each other.

    I know I tend to get defensive due to past transgressions that had nothing to do with him, so I wonder if I unknowingly hit a sore spot and he is having trouble getting through. Maybe, I wonder, could he have been referring to himself? I just don't know how to get this foot shaped object from my mouth and get things on the right track again.
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Have some 'equal time', where the two of you are talking as equal partners in your relationship. Make a deal that both of you can say whatever you want, and the other has to listen to what's being said, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Then just do your best to explain what you're feeling, and ask him what he's feeling, and go from there. Once you've both explained yourselves, then talk about what you can do to fix whatever is not working. Handle it one issue at a time.
  6. Moonlight

    Moonlight Member

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    Dear husband and I are equals in many parts of our marriage. He told me one day he wants a wife, a partner to share the joys and pains of life with, not a servant. I enjoy serving him though. There is just something about taking care of him that makes me happy like nothing else does.

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