sebastian
Active Member
MIRROR: Download from MEGA
So I'm a fairly new dom. Thus far things are going pretty well, but I have a couple of issues that I'm trying to get a handle on, and hoping that people can advise me.
Some background: My sub, Alex, is something of a golden boy, and a pretty successful businessman. He's very aggressive in his business life, but is absolutely desperate to be submissive and humiliated. He's got a little experience as a sub (mostly puppy play), but is still fairly new to things. I have less experience. I've gradually been discovering my dom side over the past six months, but Alex is really the guy who's made me aware of it. I'm pretty laid back in my general life, but enjoy being dominant, although I'm probably never going to be a full-throttle dom. Since we're both fairly new to this, we've generally confided our d/s activities to the bedroom, but Alex is very interested in lifestyle d/s issues, and I'm willing to explore that eventually. So on to my questions:
1) Alex's work keeps him pretty busy, to the point that we can't have a regular schedule yet. On several occasions he's had to cancel sessions because of work-related issues (he travels on a weekly basis, among other things). We've agreed that our relationship will have to accommodate his work situation. But on a few occasions, I've gotten the sense that he's using the demands of his work as a way to exercise some degree of control over our sex life (for example, on one occasion he told me that I couldn't come over on a Sunday because he had some complicated documents he had to draw up for the next day). Any ideas how I can assert control in a situation like this?
2) Alex's biggest turn on is humiliation. What he really wants is for me to simply use him, sexually and otherwise, with no regard to what he wants. He fantasizes about me owning him, his property, and so on, and he likes the idea of me becoming 'corrupt' (by which he means that I would use him in profoundly immoral ways). I'm willing to play the uncaring master, but in reality I'm very concerned that I not harm him physically or emotionally and that I not take advantage of the power he wants to give me. He has a very strong sense of self, but he wants me to break him down completely. Obviously these are very complicated issues, but does anyone have any advice for how to humiliate him in ways that won't leave long-term psychological damage? Neither of us is interested in feminization or infantilization at all.
3) Another of Alex's big turn ons is that idea that I would order him to engage in humiliating sexual activity to men he's not attracted to. He wants me to take him to a bath house and order him to perform oral sex on random strangers. While I understand the attraction of such a fantasy, I obviously have reservations about the health risks involved (and Alex acknowledges those issues, but he talks about this fantasy constantly). So this is really two questions. A) any suggestions about how to address this fantasy in a safe, sane, consensual way? B) does anyone have advice for how to deny a sub something they deeply desire but which the dom is reluctant to provide? I realize that as the dom, I have control over what we actually do, but our relationship is built on mutually exploring each other's desires.
Any advice, suggestions, or insight is deeply appreciated.
Some background: My sub, Alex, is something of a golden boy, and a pretty successful businessman. He's very aggressive in his business life, but is absolutely desperate to be submissive and humiliated. He's got a little experience as a sub (mostly puppy play), but is still fairly new to things. I have less experience. I've gradually been discovering my dom side over the past six months, but Alex is really the guy who's made me aware of it. I'm pretty laid back in my general life, but enjoy being dominant, although I'm probably never going to be a full-throttle dom. Since we're both fairly new to this, we've generally confided our d/s activities to the bedroom, but Alex is very interested in lifestyle d/s issues, and I'm willing to explore that eventually. So on to my questions:
1) Alex's work keeps him pretty busy, to the point that we can't have a regular schedule yet. On several occasions he's had to cancel sessions because of work-related issues (he travels on a weekly basis, among other things). We've agreed that our relationship will have to accommodate his work situation. But on a few occasions, I've gotten the sense that he's using the demands of his work as a way to exercise some degree of control over our sex life (for example, on one occasion he told me that I couldn't come over on a Sunday because he had some complicated documents he had to draw up for the next day). Any ideas how I can assert control in a situation like this?
2) Alex's biggest turn on is humiliation. What he really wants is for me to simply use him, sexually and otherwise, with no regard to what he wants. He fantasizes about me owning him, his property, and so on, and he likes the idea of me becoming 'corrupt' (by which he means that I would use him in profoundly immoral ways). I'm willing to play the uncaring master, but in reality I'm very concerned that I not harm him physically or emotionally and that I not take advantage of the power he wants to give me. He has a very strong sense of self, but he wants me to break him down completely. Obviously these are very complicated issues, but does anyone have any advice for how to humiliate him in ways that won't leave long-term psychological damage? Neither of us is interested in feminization or infantilization at all.
3) Another of Alex's big turn ons is that idea that I would order him to engage in humiliating sexual activity to men he's not attracted to. He wants me to take him to a bath house and order him to perform oral sex on random strangers. While I understand the attraction of such a fantasy, I obviously have reservations about the health risks involved (and Alex acknowledges those issues, but he talks about this fantasy constantly). So this is really two questions. A) any suggestions about how to address this fantasy in a safe, sane, consensual way? B) does anyone have advice for how to deny a sub something they deeply desire but which the dom is reluctant to provide? I realize that as the dom, I have control over what we actually do, but our relationship is built on mutually exploring each other's desires.
Any advice, suggestions, or insight is deeply appreciated.
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