advice needed about my extreme BDSM husband

sebastian · Jun 15, 2010

Scrow, on reading these last pieces of information, I am inclined to revise my opinion that he's not a sex addict. The behaviors you're mentioning are all very common to porn addicts. My ex did number 3 so often that we pretty much agreed I would never attempt to initiate sex. It sounds clear to me that your husband has entirely destroyed your ability to trust him, which means that any effort that you might make to explore bdsm play with him will be a disaster. And of course, it's hard to have a functioning marriage without trust. It sounds like you've decided that divorce is your most reasonable choice, and it certainly looks like a reasonable choice to me. I'm sorry--I know how painful that can be.

My only piece of advice at this point is that you should remember that sex addiction is a disease, like alcoholism. Your husband may care deeply about you and be a very good man deep down, but his disease makes him do selfish, deceitful things that are hurtful to you. Until he recognizes his addiction and seeks treatment, he will not be able to stop doing these things. That's not a reason to not leave him, but I hope it can temper some of the pain and anger you feel.

Sparrow69 · Jun 15, 2010

its become clear that this is a situation of "if you have to ask the question you already know the answer."

What im seeing is that you have already come to the conclusion you want Scrow, and while thats ok, your entitled to do that, as its your relationship, its also painfully clear that all your seeking out of this thread is validation for feeling the way you do. Let me be the first to tell you, "it's ok to feel however you feel about YOUR relationship."

Boundperil · Jun 15, 2010

Sparrow69 said:
its become clear that this is a situation of "if you have to ask the question you already know the answer."

What im seeing is that you have already come to the conclusion you want Scrow, and while thats ok, your entitled to do that, as its your relationship, its also painfully clear that all your seeking out of this thread is validation for feeling the way you do. Let me be the first to tell you, "it's ok to feel however you feel about YOUR relationship."

Bingo!

L8NightQ · Jun 15, 2010

Scrow -

Sorry to hear about the latest developments. Counseling, possibly kinky friendly, was one of the solutions mentioned earlier in this thread. If he does care whether you divorce him or not, is it still an option?
You may have noticed by now, that we don't all get on this forum to talk about all the things we do to each other, though that may be a part of it. It is, moreover, a forum to discuss our lives, and the things that effect them, and the problems we have.
Whatever made you guys want marry in the first place, I hope there is something worth salvaging in him, and in you.

Even if he doesn't want to do the counseling thing, I would suggest it for you. I mean, com on..... As Sebastian said, he's not a licensed counselor, and neither are the rest of us (that I know of).

If we have helped you discover what some of the problems might be, maybe others can help in finding solutions.

advice needed about my extreme BDSM husband

sebastian

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Sparrow69

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Boundperil

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L8NightQ

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