Years ago, I tried to find a Dom and of my own and failed. I spent a couple of years with a decent group, but there weren't any single Doms and poly just wasn't for me. Neither was the route of D/s with a married, but cheating man. I'll be honest, I'm really only submissive in the bedroom. I suppose I have a bit of "service sub" in me as well. I work from home and have plenty of time and no complaint about doing 99% of all the domestic chores. While I wanted (and maybe still want) a long term live in relationship, real life and my personality prevent it. It makes me laugh to think I could trust a man to tie me up and push me to the limit, but I wouldn't let them anywhere near my checkbook. Anyway, for the last five years I have had a long distance friend with benefits. We get to see each other about every 7 to 8 weeks. I'm not moving, and neither is he and we accept that about each other. Jay is wonderful in the bedroom and while very naive in some ways, he is open to exploring some things. He's just one of those men who are very decent and I have had to take it very slow. The first few times we tried oral sex with him straddling me, he felt like he was violating me somehow. It took a while to convince him I like the angle and position. He still won't initiate that and many other things. I think part of his hesitation has to do with the fact he has daughters in their 20s. 50 Shades of Grey made him uncomfortable...not the scenes described, but the fact the main character was the same age as his daughter and she had just left college for a big city. Another factor is that he had many years of sort of predictable vanilla sex. He was 50+ before he'd ever had doggy style sex, let alone some of he wilder things I've been able to incorporate. So, earlier this week, I had a massive hormone surge and was losing my mind from not being able to satisfied. At one point he called and asked what I was doing. I told him I was preparing to use some battery operated toys and watching porn. He asked what kind of porn and for some reason on that day, women in bondage with fucking machines appealed to me. This got him asking a few questions and I sent him a five page single-spaced email of what I'd like to try. Since this is all sensual...more like all sexual, we can rule out a gag...not just because it will block an important orifice, but he's going to need the safe words probably as much as I would. I've been on the hunt for online videos that show mild to moderate bdsm. Just about the time I think I have found one, out will come a flogger or something else that would send him running for the hills. I don't think they had the big metal rounded hooks years ago, those had my interest, but there ain't no way that's ever going to happen. I guess what I'm looking for are some videos that are more erotic than instructional, that are mild and show the woman having a good time (too much screaming and her begging the video Dom to stop would probably kill his mood). Does anyone have any suggestions or favorites? Where we have left it, is he knows I have a box of toys. We have used some vibrators together before, but he doesn't know everything I own. Since it has been about ten years, I don't know everything I own anymore! Frequently, when we are going to get together I will ask him if there is anything he wants me to bring from my collection. Next time we get together, when I ask, if he wants to, he is supposed to say, "Bring the whole box." I think he will do a decent job of bringing some flavor to the bedroom, but damn, I wish he had some flavored fantasies! Thanks much, and oh...hello, forum!