a little advice needed

Dilemna · Jan 18, 2009

My baby has been acting strange lately. We have been in a D/S relationship for about a year now. Lately she seems to be trying very hard to please me and make sure that I am happy. She is also acting a bit more shy and distant as well. It also seems that she is hiding from me a lot and crying when I am not around. No matter how often I ask her about it, she tells me that she is happy and that she wants me to be happy. I am noticing that she seems to be sick often lately as well. A friend of hers came to me and told me that she has been obsessing over being perfect for me. I don't know what to do.. She is still affectionate and sweet... but something in her seems to be dying... I need some advice please.. I am very worried about her and I love her very much...

dtw · Jan 18, 2009

who is the dominant one in this relationship? is it you or her? regardless, it sounds like you need to show her a lot more affection.. not domination, just true affection that will show her you care and that you are happy to be with her. if she is the one always initiating the cute affectionatey behaviors, she will think that you don't care to be with her.

Dilemna · Jan 18, 2009

I am the dom. I do tell her quite often how much I love her, and I am affectionate. But it seems that she is incredibly desperate for attention all of a sudden. She has started clinging quite tightly to me and cannot stand to be away from me. When I have to leave she waits by the door until I get back to find her asleep on the floor. She will start tugging on my clothes and repeat my name over and over and then will continue to say that she loves me until I hush her a little. Why would she be so desperate lately?

Prissy · Jan 19, 2009

It almost seems as though she is having a special desire, but because she is being shy about it, is not telling you what she wants, possibly for fear of being punished for such an idea.

Maybe your agreement with her, is no longer what she wants, and maybe she would like to change it slightly. And if your relationship is considered to be a slave dom relationship, she may feel that nothing will be accepted because of it.

If the relationship is master sub, then as I said before, maybe she thinks she will be punished for that.

I hope this helps you, as I think I just confused myself.

dtw · Jan 19, 2009

hm.. well, it sounds like something is going on that makes her fearful she is going to upset or lose you. it may be a rational fear, or an irrational one. not really sure what you can do about it in that case.

Dilemna · Jan 19, 2009

Thank you very much for the insightful replies. I do believe that it is a mix of both. She is often saying things such as..."Master, you mean everything to me. I hope I am special to you and I hope you love me and that I am all you need... I want to be the only one for you..." and then she will break down and cry. I try to comfort her the best I can... I am suspecting that she is hurt by the fact that she saw porn on my computer monitor a week or so ago. Even when it is just female nudity in a movie on tv she gets quiet and depressed. It seems that she is very insecure. I am not sure how to handle this. I love her very much... but should I keep myself from seeing female nudity to keep her from being so depressed and ill? A part of me wants to argue... but if she is so truly hurt by this, shouldn't I stop?

dtw · Jan 20, 2009

ah ok, it makes a little more sense now. i think you should say something like, "i think you might be upset about having seen the porn on my computer last week. i want you to know that even though sometimes i like watching porn, it's never going to be a replacement for you." say it when you're all nice and cuddly with her so she believes you.

Prissy · Jan 20, 2009

Well in that case, something I do, to make it so my master doesn't think I am being disrespectful, is I place all my porn I watch into a file folder called Random Junk, or Random Stuffs. He never invades my files as we trust each other enough. I am sure Master Has pron on his side of the computer as well, since there have been times I have opened the web browser, only to find links to porn being booted up. A while ago We got sick and tired of the browser saying you are closing multiple tabs, would you like "Browser" to remember your progress, and reboot it everytime type deal.

I think DTW has a good idea, but if that is the reason for her shyness, Maybe, until she feels more secure with you, take my idea and hide the porn in a place only you can find it.

Dilemna · Jan 20, 2009

thanks for the advice. My darling came to me last night and cried her eyes out for a couple of hours. No matter how much I tried to convince her that porn would never replace her she insisted that it made her feel so depressed that she has had thoughts of suicide (which of course really bothered me.) I can tell that it really does depress her so much because she is so insecure and wants to be the only female I see nude. She says that she wants me to use her instead of porn. I am so unsure of what to do but for now I have gotten rid of porn altogether until she becomes more stable. I am also going to get her some counseling for her depression and pay for her sessions as a gift to show that I do not want her to be unhappy and to show that I want her to feel more stable.

Prissy · Jan 27, 2009

Dilemna said:
thanks for the advice. My darling came to me last night and cried her eyes out for a couple of hours. No matter how much I tried to convince her that porn would never replace her she insisted that it made her feel so depressed that she has had thoughts of suicide (which of course really bothered me.) I can tell that it really does depress her so much because she is so insecure and wants to be the only female I see nude. She says that she wants me to use her instead of porn. I am so unsure of what to do but for now I have gotten rid of porn altogether until she becomes more stable. I am also going to get her some counseling for her depression and pay for her sessions as a gift to show that I do not want her to be unhappy and to show that I want her to feel more stable.

I am happy the two of you came to an agreement per say, however I am proud of you for deciding on the cutting it from your computer, for her sake. Nobody ever said then when she isn't at your home, you can't use pron sites to do as you wish, although, until she feels better, I am thinking you should actually hold off.

a little advice needed

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