When did you know?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Pending, Aug 28, 2011.

  1. Pending

    Pending New Member

    So, a question for you all - when did you know you were Dom (or sub)? What was the thing that made it clear to you?

    In a way, by asking the question I am trying to clarify what I am feeling. Recently I came across this forum, and the reactions of my body are telling me I'm hitting a major sexual nerve... It was reading The Loving Dominant that turned the key, it's a solution to an internal dilemma which kept a certain instinct locked up for a long time.

    I was raised in a very loving family, very ethical and slightly hippy, with the clear message that pain or anything away from free will was bad. This seems to have raised some barriers against an inclination which goes back (as far as i can tell) to age 6. In hindsight, the fact that I locked up a girlfriend at a tender age, and the hidden but persistent preference for girls in leather, latex and later handcuffs should have told me it was more than the usual passing interest. Still that instinct stayed carefully suppressed.

    But just recently, I find that even thinking about some of the sections in TLD or the idea of a willing, consensual sub is causing, shall we say, elevated heart rates and a noticeable tightness in the nether regions - indeed my entire torso seems to be getting in on the act. And that is very different from my usual reaction to beautiful women, which is more akin to aesthetic appreciation and a distant lust, although my libido has always been quite high.

    It seems clear which way the wind is blowing...
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  2. Knots

    Knots Member

    A relatively short while ago, and entirely my pet's fault (she introduced me, I liked it).

    I was 18. Pet discovered much earlier.

    Just a few points which I feel need to be made (not necessarily because you don't realise this, but because people reading may not realise this)...

    Regardless of my violent play, I'm still a pacifist, as I dissagree with the idea of the use of violence to settle disputes; it's this distinction which many "hippy" people would probably make. Playing violent games is very different to being an abusive bastard.

    Likewise, BDSM play is never forced or against real free will; ultimately, it's a choice to submit.

    Finally, though I don't doubt your parents were very ethical, the BDSM community at large has quite a strong ethical core, which should always be celebrated and encouraged.
  3. Pending

    Pending New Member

    Reading through the forums and the sticky made that clear, and no disrespect was intended. Its the reason why i decided to post, and it's a shame that the "vanilla family" perspective focusses over-much on the less ethical members.
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2011
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  4. Knots

    Knots Member

    I didn't think you meant disrespect. I just felt it'd be better to say it and celebrate it than not to.

    It is a great shame indeed.
  5. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    I was 12 and had a borderline abusive boyfriend, and while of course now I understand that abuse is NEVER okay I've always wanted a strong partner who can control me since then ^^
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  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I realized it about 2 years ago, when I was chatting with a guy online who offered to be my slave, and I got wildly turned on by it. It was like a bolt of lightning hit me when I understood why I was getting aroused.
  7. samship

    samship New Member

    ha i'm only just realising it..........
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    chibiTHETERRIBLE New Member

    When I found myself on the deserted top-floor of a parking garage, quivering as I walked toward His jeep and my new life. He inspected me as though I were an inanimate object, or an animal. I nervously climbed into His trunk and lay down while He finished His inspection. The whole process took less than twenty minutes, but when it was over I felt totally used, and ready to be His toy. I left there with smeared mascara on my cheeks and a plug in my ass, only to walk across the street to my job. I climbed the stairs to the employee locker room, and as I began to notice the looks I was getting I realized it. I realized I was truly ready for the adventure He offered me, and I had to please Him in order to feel right. I realized I was a submissive.
  9. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    There were all sorts of odd little clues, you know, but Master and I first talked about it when we'd been together for about a year, and realized how much we both enjoyed the idea, and it grew from there
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  10. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

    I knew at an early age that there was something a bit 'off' with me. I always was attracted to older men, dominant in behaviour, the mean looking bastard that most people would want to avoid totally got me hot lol I didn't want someone to be nice to me sexually and knew that wasn't the 'norm'.

    It wasn't until I was a lot older I realised what I was really looking for. The Internet is a blessing! And it is only recently I have started to explore this side of myself again.
  11. When I first noticed my partner's nervousness, their uncertainty, the way they were clammed up before sex.. At that point I began to work around with it, finding pleasure in pushing them further then they were comfortable with, providing new experiences.. Over 10 years ago..
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  12. Aibo

    Aibo Member

    I have a distinct feeling this question have been asked before.
    But I reply happily anyhow. =)
    I know that it was obvious to me extremely early on, pre puberty, and even in childhood that I were wired somewhat different. I got exited - fast breath - and felt one exaltation when I bound people when playing cowboys and indians / cops and robbers or whatever.
    For years I tried to hide this from others, when I were young there were no Internet I never had anyone to talk with, and I only did find references to this in literature and whatever.
    In highschool I finally revealed it to a female, who were all chocked by the idea. Though I had a hunch she had somewhat of this inclination, so my first attempt to find one likeminded failed.
    It took until the age of 22 before I got started. Even so it was not a great start, I was so nervous I sweated rivers. =)
  13. Penny

    Penny New Member

    Guess I'll rekindle the thread because I'm curious if there are any others who started out younger.

    I do not believe I was ever sexually abused in childhood, If I was I certainly have no recollection (so I assume not).

    I was somewhere between 6 and 8 when I started having fantasies about various Beauty and the Beast possibilities. Not to mention Robin of Sherwood (Lady Marian being taken by the evil sorcerer). It sounds so wrong. I did not enter into a bdsm relationship until I was 18.
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  14. thinmint7

    thinmint7 Member

    This has always been a part of me, i did not realize until about a year ago, though looking back i cannot remember a time when i was not into it. i am not sure where the thoughts came from, they have just been there....
  15. Forgotten angel

    Forgotten angel New Member

    I found out when i started cuddling my girlfriend with my head in her chest instead of vice versa. It was obvious that i was the submissive one lol. It really went from there. :) self discovery through cuddling, whoda thought, right? Lol

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